Trinsic Tales:The Tower/Chapter 07
Chapter Seven: Seventh Floor: Victory, Funk, and Running Gags
<Capn_Ascii> As we join our heroes, we find them knee-deep in a rockin', two-fisted, no-holds-barred battle TO THE DEATH!!!
<Capn_Ascii> The elementals, now down a man, decide it's time to step up their game. They both haul back and start swinging (at Zephi and the flying gorilla, respectively), but apparantly they've turned off their targetting computers, as they both miss.
<Drem> Another flying gorilla appears next to the earth elemental, this one identical to the first except for having a large mustache. The ape twirls its mustache before joining its twin in beating up the earth elemental.
<Capn_Ascii> Donkey and Diddy perform a perfectly-choreographed dual beat-down on the earth elemental, both of them slapping it around before punching both sides of its head simultaniously with a pair of powerful haymakers. The elemental's head explodes in a gory shower of dirt and mud, leaving the headless body to collapse to the floor.
<Drem> Deciding to embrace its role as the odd one out, the groundbound ape swings its arm around to build up for a powerful uppercut at the air elemental
<Capn_Ascii> The big monkey presses Start, throwing a powerful star uppercut that leaves the elemental reeling! Well, actually, it's more like wavering without a solid body.
Drem decides to focus on perfecting the art of twiddling his thumbs while everyone else does all the work
Zephi swings once again at the air elemental.
<Capn_Ascii> *shing!* Zephi slices off one of the elemental's arms, causing it to bleed copious amounts of...air.
<Lak> Lak rushes in, pulls out his falchion, and launches a surprise attack!
<Capn_Ascii> Lak's surprise attack is, surprisingly, a complete failure - he misses by a mile.
<Capn_Ascii> He also flickers back into existence. The elemental, surprised and wounded and more than a little pissed off, decides that it's time to throw down.
<Capn_Ascii> The elemental begins to roar...but it's not a vocal roar. It's the roar of a building storm, as the elemental expands itself into a whirling hurricane!
<Capn_Ascii> The new, miniature tornado begins to move around in a weaving pattern, passing over both Zephi and Lak, attempting to engulf them!
<Capn_Ascii> Oh, yeah, and Drem's monkey thing, or whatever.
<Capn_Ascii> The newly-borne twister sweeps through the crowd in front of the altar. Drem's gorilla thug is simply pushed aside, but Zephi is struck in the head by a flying piece of debris. Poor Lak has it even worse - the sheer force of the wind scoops him up off the ground, dragging him into the heart of the whirlwind!
<Drem> The non-winged gorilla, not quite sure how to punch a small tornado, steps up and thrashes its fists at the howling winds and hopes for the best
<Capn_Ascii> The gorilla steps up, hauls back its arm, and thrust forward with a single punch. The moment it makes contact with the howling winds, there's a strange *pop*ing sound, like someone jabbing a spike into a pool float. The tornado instantly zooms up and into the air, flailing around like a punctured balloon, emitting a constant raspberry noise as the air spews out of it.
Zephi folds up her sword and stows it.
<Capn_Ascii> After several seconds of this, a tiny wisp of air - all that's left of the elemental - floats gently down to the floor and disappears in a puff of cartoon smoke.
<Capn_Ascii> Lak, meanwhile, hangs in mid-air for a few moments before gravity reasserts itself, causing him to fall and land on top of Zephi.
<Lak> "Ow! Oh... hey there."
<Lak> "Uh... I should get off now, shouldn't I?"
<Zephi> "That'd be nice."
Lak gets off Zephi sheepishly
Zephi starts looking around for a chest of some variety.
Lak does too
<Capn_Ascii> Hmm...there don't appear to be any chests here. After all that carnage, the only things in sight are the altar, the semi-humanoid pile of mud that used to be the Earth Elemental, and a small pile of ashes where the Fire Elemental burned up.
<Lak> "If we did all that for not even a key, I'm gonna be pissed."
Lak searches the altar itself for a key, or panel, or something
Zephi goes over to the altar to look for an inscription
Lak feels more... powerful, as he does so.
<Capn_Ascii> Lak: A thought occurs...you move aside the wig stand that the afro was sitting on. Beneath it, in tiny letters, a message is scrawled in the stone of the altar: "Your prize awaits deep in the bowels of the earth."
<Capn_Ascii> Zephi: Nope, no inscriptions here. Not even that one that Lak is reading. Nosirree.
Lak sighs. "Go look in the earth elemental's remains. I think it's in there."
Zephi goes over and uses her sword to dig through it.
<Capn_Ascii> Zephi: You poke your sword into the pile in several places, but you can't seem to find anything. The key could be anywhere in there.
<Zephi> "I can't find it, you look."
Zephi looks around for something to wipe the mud off of her sword.
Lak pokes around with his arrow-fragment and hand
Zephi swings her sword towards the ground, splattering most of the mud on the ground before refolding it and putting it away again.
<Capn_Ascii> Lak: Reaching into the mass of damp mud, your hand soon closes around something small and hard. You pull it out...it's...a key made of mud!
<Capn_Ascii> ...no, wait, it's just covered in mud.
Drem lets his astral constructs dissolve away. "It'd better be a really cool key."
Lak wipes the key off to examine the color
<Capn_Ascii> Lak: Gooooooooooaaaaaal! ...d.
<Lak> "Good. That was definitely worth a gold key."
<Zephi> "Maybe. I would have thought a platinum would come out of it."
<Zephi> "By the way, what was that wig earlier?"
<Lak> "I don't know," Lak examines the wig in more detail
<Capn_Ascii> Lak: You have absolutely no idea what this thing is. All you can tell is that it's obviously magical (you can practically feel the power tickling your hands), and that wearing it probably does...something. Maybe.
Lak, curious now, puts it on and sees if anything happens.
<Drem> "Wait! I'm clairvoyant!"
Lak stops before finishing
<Lak> "Uh, so>?"
<Drem> "I can meditate with the wig and find out if putting it on would actually be a good idea."
<Lak> "Oh, fine," Lak throws the wig at Drem.
<Capn_Ascii> Oh, come on. Do you really think I would make you fight a nearly impossible battle to get a cursed item? :]
Drem finds a spot on the floor not covered with earth elemental, and sits down with the wig on his lap. "This'll take a few minutes."
Zephi erases capn's line
Drem stares hard at the wig for ten minutes straight, asking in his mind "What are the magical and/or psionic properties of this wig?", as if an inanimate object could answer
<Capn_Ascii> After a few tense moments, the wig seems to speak.
<Capn_Ascii> "Damn, brotha, what do you *think*? I'm the embodiment of FUNK!" You could swear you almost saw it strike a pose. "I am all that is groovy and badassed. Wear me, and you shall be respected by all and be a god on the dance floor. Dig it."
<Lak> "Meh, just keep it."
<Drem> "It's probably safe to put on."
<Lak> "That's fine. I heard it."
<Drem> "Okay, let's just sleep on it. Er, not literally."
<Zephi> "Sounds good. Let's go back down."
Zephi heads over to the elevator and hits the button for the twentieth floor.
<Capn_Ascii> *Shortly thereafter...*
<Capn_Ascii> The elevator opens back into the lobby/merchant area. It looks much as you remember it, although once again most of the tents look empty. There's a man standing in the blacksmith's tent, however.
Zephi yawns, stumblingin the direction of the inn tent.
Drem tags along
<Capn_Ascii> As you step inside the tent, you can see Beri asleep on one of the cots, apparantly tired from her ordeal.
Zephi goes over to one of the cots and lays down.
<Capn_Ascii> As the three of you fully enter the tent, someone steps inside behind you. It's Stephen, the general store merchant from before...only now he's wearing a fake beard.
<Lak> "Oh hi again."
<Capn_Ascii> He speaks up, in an obviously fake accent. "Ah, hello there, good travelers! Come to rest a spell, have you?"
<Lak> "Yeah, we need sleep."
Zephi looks up from laying on the cot.
<Drem> "You seem familiar somehow..."
<Lak> "It's the general store dude with a beard."
<Capn_Ascii> "Hmm? Oh, no, I've been told I simply have that kind of familiar face. Anywho." He tries to ignore Lak's comment, and gestures to the cots. "You're welcome to stay here as long as you like. Although, I must ask you to make room for other adventurers after you're done."
<Drem> "But...the general store dude didn't have a beard!"
<Lak> "The beard's fake."
<Capn_Ascii> "What? Don't be silly!" He strokes his beard thoughtfully.
<Lak> "Whatever, it's not important," Lak notes. He lays down on a cot and tries to drift to sleep.
Zephi falls asleep as well
Drem finds a cot and sleeps
<Capn_Ascii> Final Fantasy inn-staying music plays gently as the three of you fall into a well-deserved sleep.
<Capn_Ascii> ---THE NEXT DAY---
Lak yawns and stretches, waking up.
Zephi does the same
Drem shifts a little in his sleep and mumbles
<Lak> "Alright, let's get healed."
<Drem> "Five more minutes..."
Zephi shakes Drem awake, then heads out towards the hospital
<Drem> "Ah! Okay, I'm up!" Drem jumps to his feet and tags along
Zephi enters the hospital tent and looks around.
<Capn_Ascii> It looks much like the inn tent, except that in addition to the cots, there are a couple of hospital beds. There's a small desk against the wall, with a man in a white lab coat sitting at it. He turns to face you...he also looks remarkably like Stephen, except this time he's wearing one of those headband mirror thingies and a surgical mask that covers most of his face. He speaks with a German accent.
<Capn_Ascii> "Ach! Hello, unt velcome to mine clinic. Are you in need of healink?"
<Lak> "Yes, healing would be nice, Stephen. Let's do it."
<Zephi> "Uhh.. Yeah. Just a little bit."
<Zephi> "Couple of scrapes here and there. Just want to be in top condition for the upper floors."
<Capn_Ascii> "Stephen? Nine, nine, my name ist Doktor Ritter. But ya, sit and ve shall see vat ve can do."
<Lak> "Okay, good." Lak sits down.
Zephi also sits
Drem stays standing. "I'm fine, thanks."
<Capn_Ascii> He scoots his chair and looks you over. "Hmm...nothing serious. 20 gold apiece for full treatment for you two." He motions at Lak and Zephi.
Lak nods and hands over the gold.
Zephi hands it over, muttering, "figures, I come for treasure and end up spending more than I'm finding. Story of my life."
<Drem> "Hey, the wig might be worth something."
<Zephi> "It better be."
<Capn_Ascii> The doc takes your money, does various invasive doctorly things to you, and 15 minutes later you emerge from the tent, healthful and dandy.
Zephi stretches again.
Zephi feels cramping, pausing midstretch.
Zephi falls over.
Zephi picks herself back up.
<Lak> "Let's go back up. Floor 48."
Zephi nods and heads for the elevator.
Drem follows. "As good a place as any."
Zephi stops "We should get glue"
Zephi pokes her head back in the hospital tent "Hey, I need to buy glue."
<Capn_Ascii> "Hmm?" The doctor looks thoughtful. "Vell, I vould try ze general store down ze aisle."
Zephi shrugs and goes to the general store tent.
<Capn_Ascii> Zephi: When you arrive, the tent is empty. However, after about 15 seconds, you can hear the sounds of someone bursting into the back area of the tent in a hurry. There's the sound of shuffling items and changing of clothes, then after a few moments, Stephen emerges, looking like he did when you first met him. "Hello, and welcome back! What can I do for you folks?"
<Lak> "We need glue. Specifically, enough to glue a bronze key."
Zephi holds out the pieces.
<Capn_Ascii> "Ah. In that case, I recommend our best ahesive, Gorilla Glue." He places a bottle of brownish glue on the counter. "Made from 100% real gorrilas."
Lak blinks. "We'll take enough to glue it together, then, I guess."
<Capn_Ascii> "Here you go, then." He takes out a fairly small bottle and hands it to you. "That'll be 5 gold, please. Oh, and be careful not to get any on you."
<Zephi> "How much was that other bottle?"
Lak hands over 5 gold. "Thanks."
<Capn_Ascii> "That was the economy size bottle, 10 gold.
Zephi hands over the other five gold. "May as well go big."
Lak nods and hands the smaller bottle back.
<Capn_Ascii> "Ah, okay then." He hands you the larger bottle.
Zephi takes it and tries to glue the pieces back together.
<Lak> "If this works, try to remember to use this key first. Just in case."
<Capn_Ascii> You apply a bit of glue and stick the key parts back together. They seem to hold strong.
Zephi nods, tossing the bottle into her bag. "Thanks a lot, Stephen. Later then."
Zephi heads towards the elevator.
Lak follows Zephi
<Capn_Ascii> The door opens out onto Floor 48.
Zephi pokes her head out and looks around.
Lak looks too
Drem also peeks out of the elevator
<Capn_Ascii> As the three of you peek out of the elevator, you can hear a strange sound - a gentle cooing, animal in nature. As you take a better look around, you spy an altar in the middle of the room bearing a treasure box, and above it, the source of the sound...
<Capn_Ascii> ...pigeons! Dozens, nay, HUNDREDS of pigeons are perched on a circular wooden perch hanging from the ceiling by a trio of metal chains. The birds sit there, some preening, some cooing and shuffling around, and some looking warily at you (as birds are wont to do). There's a corresponding ring of mostly-dried droppings on the floor beneath the perch, and the entire room reeks of the smell of filthy feathers and bird poop.
<Drem> "So...floor 49, then?"
<Lak> "Looks like it's time to kill some pigeons."
<Zephi> "You could just go invisible and walk over there."
<Lak> "...That could work."
Lak casts Invisibility on himself, then walks in.
Zephi leans against the elevator wall.
Lak approaches the altar carefully, looking warily for other traps.
<Capn_Ascii> Lak: You can't see anything obvious, other than the birds overhead. You move as quietly as you can, trying not to draw their attention.
Lak keeps going, not having a legitimate reason to do so otherwise then having a bad feeling
<Capn_Ascii> Carefully picking your way across the ring of filth on the floor, you soon find yourself standing in front of the altar. The box stares at you, beckoning you.
Lak goes extra careful around the altar, checking the altar and box for traps.
<Capn_Ascii> Lak: Checking carefully around the altar, you discover a cleverly-hidden pressure plate beneath the treasure box. You're not sure what it does, but it's definitely activated by removing weight from the altar. You could probably open the box without moving it and be okay.
Lak smiles and opens the box carefully, without moving said box
<Capn_Ascii> Popping the lid open, you can plainly see a silver key and a small pouch in the box.
Lak grabs the key and pouch
<Capn_Ascii> As you start to lift the items out of the box, you suddenly hear a *very* soft creaking sound - it's the switch beneath the chest, reacting to the removal of the contents! Holy cow, that thing is sensitive! Miraculously, you manage to release the items before thr trap goes off.
Lak thinks about it, and tries to judge the weight of the contents, and what in his bag might be of comparable weight.
<Capn_Ascii> Lak: Assuming the key weighs the same as the other keys you've been finding, it should only weigh a few ounces. Hey, there's one item that would be the perfect weight - one of your silver keys!
<Lak> (Brilliant, but that doesn't help.)
<Lak> Lak pulls out an arrow, snaps it in half, adds his half-arrow that he's held onto for a while now, and sets them down into the box with one hand, simultaneously grabbing the silver key with the other.
<Lak> Assuming the trap isn't triggered, Lak carefully walks back to the elevator.
<Capn_Ascii> You trick the trap, Indy style. It works! The switch doesn't go off. You quickly (but quietly!) scoot back to the others, prize in hand.
Lak hands Zephi the silver key. "There's a pouch in there, but with a weight sensor, I didn't dare chance it. Here's the key we need for the next elevator set."
Zephi nods, taking the key. "Smart move."
Zephi hits the button for floor 50.
<Capn_Ascii> The elevator carries you off to your destiny...