Trinsic Tales:Planescapes/Chapter 01
Chapter One: Go Fudge Yourself
<Capn_Ascii> *BEGIN CLUSTERF*CK*
<Capn_Ascii> You sheath your weapons, wiping the blood from your hands as the last of the orcs falls. Collectively taking a deep breath, you pause to look around and assess the situation.
<Leticia> "Ugh... I hate bloody hands... this is why I shoot, not slash..."
<Capn_Ascii> Before you, a gigantic steel gate 50 feet high, built into the rockface - rivitted, reinforced, and clasped by an equally huge padlock.
<Capn_Ascii> Behind you, a massive, bloody pile of dead monsters and mercenaries - all that remains of the wizard's last stand, the final vestiges of his forces trying to prevent you from reaching him.
<Capn_Ascii> Above you, your goal - situated atop a massive, improbably-crooked-in-a-dramatic-way 500-foot-tall rock spire is the castle of MalWaa're the Malefluous, powerful wizard extrordinaire. The usual sort, as far as wizard's go - terrorizing the countryside, killing peasants, etc.
<Capn_Ascii> More importantly is what he has in his posession - the Amulet of Wowbagger, a magical artifact said to bestow immortality on whoever uses it. Does it work? Who cares? Right now you're being paid a ridiculous sum of money just to find the damned thing - you'll worry about what it does later.
<Capn_Ascii> Right now? It's ass-kicking time. Just as soon as you can figure out how to get all the way up there...
Leticia checks her gear and realizes, oh, hey, she didn't actually use any against those orcs. "Ha! Pushovers."
<Sebydei> "I'll take care of the padlock, of course."
Sebydei takes out the comparatively tiny lockpicking tools and gets to work
<Leticia> Leticia looks over at Dave. "I believe that was... fifteen kills to three."
<Leticia> Dave gives off a brief screech. Whether of agreement or disagreement, no one can tell.
<Capn_Ascii> Seb: You produce your tiny tool and stick it in the hole. It takes a bit of fumbling around, but before long you hit the sweet spot. Wow, that was a lot of innuendo.
<Capn_Ascii> The lock clicks, and immediately falls off of the door and slams into the ground with enough force to shake you all violently.
<Leticia> "Where the **** are we, California? I hate quakes!"
<Rayn> "At least it didn't fall on us."
<Leticia> "Or explode, yeah."
<Capn_Ascii> Hey, no swearing! This is a family campaign.
<Capn_Ascii> The lock is off, but there's still the matter of the 50-foot-tall steel door to open.
<Rayn> "Can I melt it?"
<Sebydei> "That's a lot of steel to melt, but I'm sure I could get it to open."
Rayn flies up and looks for a button or easy-open hatch.
<Sebydei> "Okay, everyone get over here and work with me." Sebydei plants both hands firmly against the door.
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn: As you get close to the door, your secret passage sense begins to tingle.
Rayn stops and looks around.
<Leticia> Leticia pulls out her crowbar and gets a determined expression on her face. "Got anything up there, or am I gonna DO THIS?"
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn: You get the feeling you're missing something here, but you can't seem to find whatever it is.
Rayn keeps looking for it.
<Leticia> Leticia finds the center slot, feels around for the slip... and goes for the splitpush!
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn: Still nothing. You do find a piece of gum someone's tucked up under a reinforcing beam, though.
<Capn_Ascii> Leticia: You plant both feet firmly on the ground, brandish the crowbar, and growl meneacingly at the door...
<Capn_Ascii> ...then toss the crowbar over your shoulder, stomp up to the door, dig both hands into the panels, and with a single MIGHTY HEAVE and the sound of tearing metal and stone, rip the entire gate out of its frame and toss both doors off over the nearby horizon.
Rayn swerves out of the way.
<Sebydei> "...that was a bit excessive."
<Rayn> "No kidding. Now the bugs will get in."
<Leticia> "Door got nothing on this woman," Leticia mocks the door as it flies away.
<Capn_Ascii> Behind the door, you can see a wide, dark stairway that ascends up into the inside of the spire. You also see a lone orc guard who was apparantly supposed to be manning the door from the inside. He just stands there, blinking at you, before turning around and running away screaming up the stairs.
Rayn sweeps back down and lands next to Leticia, "You know, I could teach you these exercises that releive stress."
<Leticia> "What for?"
<Leticia> "Oh, right. After that guard!"
<Leticia> Leticia grabs her bow and aims.
Rayn wanders up the stairs "Oh, nothing. nothing at all."
<Leticia> Leticia sighs when she realizes she doesn't have any real chance to catch him.
<Sebydei> "Eh, what's the worst he could do?"
<Leticia> "Sound the alarm."
<Capn_Ascii> It's a spiral staircase. The guard is up and out of your sight before you can draw a bead on him. You can still hear him screaming, though.
<Leticia> Leticia sighs and retrieves her crowbar, returning it to her haversack.
<Sebydei> "Fine, fine." Sebydei starts vaulting up the stairs after the orc
<Leticia> Leticia follows as quickly as she can, which isn't the best.
Rayn flies up the stairs after the two.
<Capn_Ascii> Seb: You take the stairs three at a time, and quickly catch up the orc.
Sebydei whips out his, er, whip, and lashes at the orc's legs
<Capn_Ascii> The good news: You lashed his leg. The bad news: You lost your grip on the whip handle. Now the orc is fleeing up the stairs screaming with a bladed chain wrapped around his ankle and trailing behind him.
<Sebydei> "No! Get back here!"
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn floats up past Seb after the fleeing orc.
Rayn blasts lightning at the Orc.
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn: You open your mouth, and...
<Capn_Ascii> Bolts of halitosis-fuelled lightning spew forth from your maw, zapping the poor fleeing orc. He immediately cries out and spasms violently as the electricity interferes with his motor neurons, and collapses onto the stairs panting.
<Capn_Ascii> "Aaah! Don't taze me, bro!"
Sebydei moves up and tries to disentangle his whip from the orc
Rayn lands a few steps above him and pulls out her sword.
<Sebydei> "Could've gone smoother..."
<Capn_Ascii> You retrieve your chainblade.
<Leticia> Leticia keeps running upwards.
Rayn grabs the orc's arm, "Sorry for this."
<Capn_Ascii> Leticia *finally* catches up, huffing and panting.
<Leticia> "Good. You got him."
<Capn_Ascii> "Aww, c'mon dude, I said don't AAAAAARRRRGGIFKAFLB--"
<Capn_Ascii> He stops twitching as wisps of smoke rise from his extra-crispy corpse.
<Leticia> Leticia snarkily blows a kiss at the corpse. "Hah. This team rules."
Rayn goes through his pockets "Indeed."
<Sebydei> "Well, I've seen worse..."
<Rayn> "First time you lost your whip today though."
<Sebydei> "And the last, I'm sure."
<Rayn> "Hope so. I was afraid of burning it."
<Leticia> "Alright, so now..." Leticia looks upward, to see if there's anything other than staircase where she can see.
<Capn_Ascii> Nope. Just stairs. Hope you loaded up on carbs this morning.
<Leticia> Leticia frowns and looks at the orc again, deciding to search it.
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn: You dig around in the orc's pockets for several moments before realizing that you're actually trying to shove your hand into its mouth. You decide to stop.
<Capn_Ascii> Leticia: You, on the other hand, know the difference between 'pocket' and 'orifice' and use that knowledge to your advantage. You come up with a cheap hand axe, 7 pieces of gold, and a small box-like device with two buttons on it.
<Leticia> Leticia tosses 2 gold each at Rayn and Sebydei and tosses the other 3 gold into her sack. "Anyone want this axe?" she asks while examining the box closely.
Rayn catches and pockets. "No thanks." she says, sheathing her sword.
<Sebydei> "Nah, I'm fine."
<Leticia> Leticia shrugs and bags the axe. "I might sell it later."
<Capn_Ascii> Leticia: It looks like a garage door opener. (Not like you know what *that* is.) There are two buttons - one has a picture of a door on it, while the other has a picture of what looks like a hunting horn.
<Leticia> Leticia smirks. "I'm pretty sure I've made this thing completely useless," she comments. "Anyone want this useless door opener?"
<Sebydei> "If it IS useless, we should just toss it."
<Rayn> "Just be careful not to hit the buttong with the horn on it," she comments as she turns and starts creeping up the stairs.
<Leticia> "Yeah..." Leticia comments. She carefully sets the door opener down on the stairs next to the orc, then starts walking up.
Sebydei tags along
<Capn_Ascii> You trudge up the stairs. Up...
<Capn_Ascii> ...and up...
<Capn_Ascii> ...and UP.
<Capn_Ascii> After what seems like forever, you finally reach the top. The stairs open up into a large antechamber - on the other side is the front entrance to the wizard's castle proper, a large wooden double door.
<Capn_Ascii> Torch stands burn to either side of it, giving it that lived-in look.
<Leticia> "Doorman!" Leticia requests, looking at Sebydei.
<Sebydei> "The doorman has a name," Sebydei says as he walks over to the doors to examine them
<Leticia> "I can never pronounce it."
<Sebydei> "I'm sure you can pronounce 'Seb' if you try."
<Rayn> "It's like Saturday, but not."
<Leticia> "I don't like short names..." Leticia grumbles.
<Leticia> "Well, shortened."
<Capn_Ascii> I'll make a note of that, Le.
<Capn_Ascii> Seb: The doors don't seem to be latched or anything. There might be a bar in place, but you won't know that until you try to open it.
Sebydei takes a few moments to make sure he didn't miss anything on the door
<Capn_Ascii> Seb: ...hmm. Nope, it's just a door. A big, impressive one, but a door nontheless.
<Sebydei> "Huh, doesn't look like there's any catch this time." Seb opens it.
<Capn_Ascii> You open the door, and step through. Beyond it lies a single, cavernous room - the main interior of the 'castle' is apparantly little more than one gigantic laboratory room. Alchemical tables and work benches are pushed up against every wall, alongside bookshelves and various monster body parts in jars.
<Capn_Ascii> That's not what draws your attention, however - it's the towering portal against the far wall of the lab. At least 20 feet wide, the opening swirls with a crackling vortex of magical energy, as if trying to draw in anything and everything around it.
<Leticia> "Why do I feel like a certain Ackbar right now?"
<Sebydei> "Ugh, this place is tacky."
<Leticia> "Or maybe it's Han... hmmm, someone from that Star Wars thing..."
<Rayn> "Admiral Ackbar."
<Capn_Ascii> Standing directly in front of the portal, arms raised, his back to you, is MalWaa're. He's apparantly just finished casting a spell, as he turns and grins a triumphant evil grin at you. "Ah-HAH! You're too late, do-gooders! I, MalWaa're the All-Powerful and Exceedingly Handsome (Author's note: He's not handsome, just kind of skinny. Also he has a scraggly goatee.) have completed my greatest masterpiece!"
<Leticia> "I knew it! It IS a trap!"
<Sebydei> "I hope 'masterpiece' doesn't refer to that goatee."
<Leticia> "Oh no! The Goatee of Doom!"
<Capn_Ascii> "A trap?" He pauses, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "...actually, yes, I suppose this *would* have been the perfect opportunity to set up a trap. Wish I'd thought of it before now. Sigh." He produces what looks like a tape recorder and clicks it on. "Note to self: look into that seminar on successful trap useage."
<Leticia> Leticia sighs and switches to Star Trek for her next reference, facepalming.
<Capn_Ascii> "Actually..." He gestures at the portal behind him. "I was talking about this. As long as I have the amulet in my possession, I shall live forever - and now with this device, I shall be able to remain forever beyond the reach of any would-be heroes attempting to take it away from me! Muahaha...?" He tries to laugh evilly, but it comes across as rather weak and unconvincing. "...that wasn't very good, was it? I'm afraid I haven't been
<Capn_Ascii> ...I'm afraid I haven't been practicing, I've been *so* busy."
<Leticia> "...You mean, the part where you failed to realize that being beyond the reach of everyone... means being beyond the reach of anything to do yourself? Yeah, I can see the lack of quality."
<Capn_Ascii> He raises an eyebrow. "...that doesn't even make sense. Anywho, SCIENCE! Uh, I mean, MAGIC!" He produces a small device that looks like a remote control, and presses a button. Immediately, the vortex behind him starts to crackle and glow - a powerful wind howls through the chamber as it begins to create a powerful suction. Loose papers and even a few jars begin to fly off the shelves and fall into the opening.
<Capn_Ascii> "AH-hahaha! ...oh, wait, crap! I forgot my--" Suddenly, the wind picks up violently - the wizard is snatched up and spirals into the opening, flailing and screaming and he vanishes from sight. "--PARACHUUUUUuuuuuu..."
<Leticia> "Now that, is what I call... fail."
<Sebydei> "Ah, I'm sure he'll be fine."
<Leticia> "Unfortunately, it was a successful kind of fail."
<Capn_Ascii> Fortunately, from your current positions, the vortex isn't strong enough to suck you in. Then again...you *did* just let your quarry escape.
<Leticia> Leticia looks at the other two. "Are we following?"
<Rayn> "It is what we came for."
<Sebydei> "Jump into the raging vortex?"
<Rayn> "Don't forget your parachute."
<Sebydei> "I'm not even sure they've been invented yet!"
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn: Looking over to one side of the chamber, you can see a large shelf with several hooks on it. Hanging on the hooks are what look like backpacks, except that have the word "Parachute" stenciled on them. The words "FLIGHT INSURANCE" have been plastered on a sign above the shelf.
Rayn runs over and grabs parachutes, tossing them at Seby and Leti.
<Leticia> Leticia grabs the parachute and straps it on.
<Rayn> "Sometimes, having wings comes in handy." She runs at the portal, jumping through.
<Leticia> "Geronimo!" Leticia yells, flinging herself into the portal.
Sebydei quickly straps the parachute on and leaps into the portal
<Capn_Ascii> The three of you are violently sucked into the portal as you approach. Seb manages to spread his limbs and fall into a proper skydiving position; the rest of you, however, end up tunbling head over heels, completely out of control.
<Sebydei> "What, have you two never done this before?"
<Rayn> "I fly all the time. I'm just not used to this much turbulence."
<Leticia> Leticia grimaces. "I remember what my Mom always said... if at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Guess I know that now..."
<Capn_Ascii> You tumble through the rainbow vortex for what seems like seconds before you finally get spat out the other side. You're waaaaay up in the air, over what looks like a large, dark brown plain of some sort. You barely have time to register this before you realize that the ground is approaching you at a rather quick pace.
Leticia pulls the parachute trigger when she realizes how close the ground is
<Capn_Ascii> L: Despite being out of control, you manage to regain your wits long enough to face downward and pull the cord. You're immediately snatched up by your parachute and begin to float down safely. Seb, who is apparantly an old pro at this, does the same with no trouble.
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn, on the other hand, is unable to open her wings or right herself from the tangled mess of limbs she's become. She continues to fall, struggling to open her wings and catch herself before impact.
<Capn_Ascii> She continues to fall at breakneck speed, completely out of control - until she nears the ground, at which point the magic of her ring begins to slow her descent. By the time she hits the ground, she's travelling at a leisurly 5 feet per second - she touches down with an angelic *ding!* and not a scratch on her, although she's still tangled up in her own limbs.
<Capn_Ascii> She sits in this position for several moments before opening her eyes and realizing that she is not, in fact, parking lot pizza.
<Leticia> "Whew. That was close."
<Leticia> Leticia looks around to see where she is.
Rayn rolls over out of her tangle of limbs and stares at the sky for a while.
<Capn_Ascii> Rayn de-tangles herself while the others float to the ground. As you descend, you can see for miles in all directions - but for the most part, all you can actually see is dark brown plains and some dark brown cliffs off to the north and west. Closer to the west is what looks like a small village - perhaps a mile away from where you touch down next to Rayn.
<Capn_Ascii> The sky is a strange, cotton-candy pink. The ground is weird too - it's soft and squishy, not unlike mud. You quickly find the substance sticking to your boots as your friends splash down and remove themselves from their harnesses.
<Capn_Ascii> There's an odd smell in the air, but you can't quite place it. It smells...not unlike a bakery. Huh.
Rayn gets up out of the sticky-mud stuff and jumps into the air, hovering.
<Capn_Ascii> As Leticia and Seb climb to their feet, the odd smell assaults their nostrils. It's definitely unusual...thick and rich, yet not unpleasant. In fact, it smells a little bit like...
<Sebydei> "Oh, no...are we in the middle of a dessert?!"
<Leticia> Leticia sniffs. "Seems like eat."
<Rayn> "do we head towards it, or assume the Wizard is there and run away from it?"
<Sebydei> "For all we know, he could have teleported miles away."
<Capn_Ascii> The mud-like substance is, in fact, chocolate fudge. It may or may not be delicious.
<Capn_Ascii> Suddenly, a small object comes streaking down from the sky, plowing into the 'mud' at high speed. Moments later, Dave emerges, scraping fudge off of his feathers and looking annoyed.
<Leticia> "There you are, Dave!"
<Sebydei> "Huh, I had the feeling we had forgotten something."
<Leticia> Leticia looks around and starts trying to track the wizard.
<Capn_Ascii> Leticia-who-doesn't-like-short-names: It's a painfully easy trail to follow; the wizard landed near where you did and left an obvious trail of footprints that lead off towards that town to the west. From the distance between the tracks, you gather he was running as fast as his skinny nerd legs could carry him.
<Leticia> "After him!" Leticia declares, pointing at the tracks.
<Leticia> Leticia begins leading the way, carefully following the tracks.
<Capn_Ascii> There are also a few finger gouge marks, where he was apparantly stopping to eat some of the delicious fudge. Mmm.
Rayn follows from the air
Sebydei tags along on the ground
<Capn_Ascii> --END SESSION--