Trinsic Tales:Afterlife in the Fast Lane/Chapter 17

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Note: This log is still in IRC format, and may be awkward to read as a result.

Chapter Seventeen: MacGuffin with Cheese

BLusk pulls into the pits for fuel and tires.

BLusk peels out of the pits and back into the race! *VROOM*

Capn_Ascii has put sugar in Brian's gas tank. :p

<BLusk> *COUGH SPUTTER GAG RETCH PUKE*

BLusk breaks down in the middle of the race track.


<Capn_Ascii> "As we join our heroes, we find them spying on The Great, All-Powerful, Invincible Mighty Warlord Steve as he slumbers on his nice soft bed with his thumb in his mouth. D'awww."

<Eralia> "Whenever your ready, Rika."

Rika uses her hat to disguise herself as an orc she saw in the earlier mirror.

<Rika> in the earlier*

<Capn_Ascii> *foop!*

<Eralia> "An orc? Really? Won't you be kind of... large?" Eralia asked, taking a step back.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika turns into a reasonable fascimile of one of Steve's commanders.

Rika pulls out her invisibility wand and points it at herself and quietly says "You can't see me. Neeneer neener."

<Capn_Ascii> *poof!* Now she's an invisible orc. Which is a lot like an invisible person, only more awesome.

Rika casts Fly on herself.

<Rika> "Up, up, and away."

<Dkort> "Careful, you might activate my boots if you say that too loudly!"

<Rika> "Nah, you have to point to the sky yourself for your boots."

<Dkort> "Yeah, well, I might need to point out a bug on the ceiling or something."

<Capn_Ascii> *foopoof!* Now's she's invisible, an orc, *and* flying. What's next, Regen?

<Rika> "Can you move to the celing? Parallel to the celing facing downwards if you can manage that."

<Capn_Ascii> "Facing...down?" The viewpoint moves and rotates, until you're gazing at Steve's dirt-encrusted floorboards. "Like this?"

<Rika> "Yes. Now zoom out as far as you can while remaining in this room."

<Rika> "Think skylight."

<Capn_Ascii> The mirror winks out for a moment. Then, the view reappears, a bit farther away from the aforementioned dirt-encrusted floorboards.

<Rika> "Now, can you open a portal?"

<Capn_Ascii> "Yes."

<Capn_Ascii> ".....oh, you mean, you *want* me to open a portal. Okay, hold on."

Rika mutters something about grammar police mirrors..

<Capn_Ascii> A hatch opens in the ceiling above your heads. From the new opening, a large, gun-like device descends into view.

<Capn_Ascii> The device has the words "Aperture Science" written on it. It fires a glowing blue ray at the mirror, which also begind to glow dimly.

<Capn_Ascii> The mirror waits a few moments. "Well?"

Rika pokes her head through it and looks around.

<Capn_Ascii> The mirror ripples like water as you stick your head through the opening. You find yourself looking at the same dirt-encrusted floorboards, only now you're doing do in person.

<Capn_Ascii> The room looks the same as it did through the mirror; everything is still in the same place. Steve is asleep on the bed - you can now hear him snoring. LOUDLY.

Rika slips through feet first. floating down to hover a few inches above the ground.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: You hover downward, accompanied by soft hoverboard sound effects.

Rika flies over to the mirror.

<Capn_Ascii> *float, float*

Rika grabs the mirror and flies as fast as she can back to the portal.

<Capn_Ascii> There it is...the artifact mirror, chock full of incredible, warlord-fueling, invulnerable-rendering power. Not that you know that ICly, so...uh. Forget I just said that.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: You gingerly take hold of the mirror with both hands. Careful - you don't want to break it! ;)

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: You geeeeently float back over to where the portal is supposed to be, then start hovering upwards. The mirror shifts a bit, but you manage to hold onto it, and soon your head is poking back through the portal.

Eralia grabs a hold of the mirror and helps Rika pull it through

Rika floats through the portal, closing it.

Eralia sets the mirror down next to the mirror Rika just used.

<Eralia> "Now... how to activate this thing?"

<Dkort> "We should probably wait until we figure out more about it."

Rika mutters "..Or anything about it"

<Eralia> "I know what I need to know."

Eralia looks at the mirror for any hints as to how to use it

<Eralia> "Rika, you may want to keep looting. I'll work on this thing."

<Rika> "Yeah, like I'm going to try and steal a magical door without knowing what it does or what's behind it."

<Eralia> "Open it first? I dunno."

<Eralia> "Or just raid his dresser. Whatever you wish."

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: Hmm...nope. It just looks like a normal mirror, albeit a very nice one. Ornate wood frame, flawless glass...

<Rika> "Can you open the portal again?"

Eralia looks REALLY hard, in GREAT detail for a clue.

<Capn_Ascii> *Brzzap!* The gun fires again, and the mirror glows again.

Rika pokes her head through the mirror again and concentrates on the door.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: Hmm...nope, still not close enough. Maybe if you were to get closer...about, say, within trap-triggering distance?

Rika slides through the portal again, floating down to hover a few inches above the ground, she works her way closer to the door, examining it.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: It's a fairly standard-looking bathroom door, except fur the magical aura. And the grit and grime. And the overpowering stench. There's a plaque on the door that apparantly once said "Lil' Captain's Room", but someone (three guesses as to who) has scratched "Captain" out and written "Warlord" in its place.

<Capn_Ascii> The door itself seems harmless enough; the aura seems to be coming from behind it.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: You spend a good long while staring at the mirror, hoping its secrets will reveal themselves to you given enough time. Apparantly, you don't *have* enough time, because after several minutes of staring, all you've discovered is a minor headache. If this thing is truely as powerful as it's supposed to be, the mirror-maker's hidden it well - Rika's aura sense is the only thing confirming it as an artifact at all.

Rika inches the door open and peeks behind it

Eralia growls a few things in Infernal. "Hey, Duplicate, can you take a look at this for me?"

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: *creeeeak*

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: Beyond the door is an incredible sight - a beautiful (and *huge*) bathroom, fit for a king. Floors and countertops are made of sparkling white marble, while the walls are painted in glittering eggshell white paint, trimmed with molding made of solid gold. There's a bathtub made from gleaming silver, the toilet is made of solid gold, and even the toilet paper holder is formed from a beautiful clear crystal substance.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: Everything in here is ablaze with magical auras - you'd guess that most of it isn't real.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: Eralia is curled up in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth, talking to herself. "Can't sleep, clowns'll eat me...can't sleep, clowns'll eat me..."

Eralia goes over to the duplicate Eralia. "Hey, you wanna help me avenge your boss's death? Come take a look at the mirror for me."

Rika examines the stuff in the bathroom

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: "M-m-mirror?" She glances up. "...ooh, hey, yeah! You got the special mirror back!" Seemingly forgetting her earlier trauma, she practically skips over to the mirror, grinning. "Yay!"

<Eralia> "Right, so, how do you work it?"

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: ...wow, check out this bathroom! I bet this is, like, the President's bathroom, or something.

<Capn_Ascii> "Work...it?" She blinks. "I don't know. All I was told was to keep people away from it."

Rika looks around some more.

<Capn_Ascii> "Mr. Peabody was always trying to smash it, but he could never seem to make it work."

<Capn_Ascii> "See? Watch." She scoops up a metal-headed hammer from a nearby shelf and, before you can stop her, swings it full-speed at the glass.

<Capn_Ascii> *KRANNNG!* The hammer bounces off.

<Eralia> Eralia nods wearily. "Look, there's only two ways to beat this guy, according to the letter that your boss left. Either smash the thing or use it. If he couldn't smash it, I doubt I could."

<Dkort> "Let me try." Dkort retrieves the hammer, holds onto it as tightly as he can and then smashes it against the mirror

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: Whoever set up this place knew what he was doing. It's essentially a "Leomund's Immaculate Lavatory" spell with some extra glitz and glamour. You also detect a hint of "Omnipresent Olfactory Operation" that's been adjusted to hide the smells normally associated with indoor bathrooms (remember, no plumbing!).

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: Most everything in here is a conjuration. Normally, they'd disappear eventually, but someone has used a Permenancy spell to make them stay indefinitely.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia watches at Dkort's hammer bounces off the surface, Dkort himself quivering in that distinctive Looney Tunes way. "Well, it's not about raw power. Mr. Peabody seemed convinced that there was something specific that could break the mirror, but he didn't know what it was."

<Dkort> "I'm starting to doubt the answer is more raw power..."

<Eralia> "Well, yeah."

<Dkort> "It'd better not be purity of heart or something."

<Eralia> "Yeah, because that doesn't exist."

Rika sneaks back into the bedroom, closing the door behind her, and floating up to the portal, slipping through it silently.

<Eralia> "I would still prefer to use it myself. Do you know how it was used the first time? Just asking."

<Capn_Ascii> "No, no, it was definitely some sort of physical object."

<Capn_Ascii> "Sorry, I don't know. I wasn't created until Mr. Peabody set up shop here."

<Eralia> "Do you know where he kept notes or something? I saw the others got some stuff, but nothing for this."

<Capn_Ascii> "Um. Well..." She glances away. "I'm not supposed to tell, but since the boss is d--" Her face goes pale. "...I mean, g-gone, I guess it can't hurt."

Eralia nods silently

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia nods silently. She moves over, and points to a nearby shelf. "There's a hidden safe behind here."

Eralia takes a look at the shelf. "Rika? Wanna Detect Secret Stuff for me?"

Rika , floating up near the celing, turns off the invisibility spell, and appears, lounging in midair "Who me?"

<Eralia> "Yeah, you. Duplicate says there's a secret safe back behind this shelf. Find it please."

<Eralia> "...Oh, fine, I'll just move the shelf and see what happens," Eralia mutters, grabbing the shelf and pulling it away

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: The good news - you move the shelf. The bad news - you do so by pulling it forward and over, toppling it and causing all the contents to come crashing to the ground in a cacophany of noise. *CRASH!*

<Eralia> "OW!"

<Capn_Ascii> So much for subtlety. Ah, well, at least you can see the safe. It's a small one, flush with the wall, with a combination knob and a handle.

<Dkort> "This again?"

<Eralia> "Yeah, care to safecrack, Rika?"

Rika swoops down and gets to work on it.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: You spin the dial like a DJ spinning a record. *pff-wht pff-wht* Unable to resist your phat beats, the safe pops open.

Rika opens it and looks inside

<Eralia> "Alrighty then. What've we got?"

<Capn_Ascii> The safe is chock-full of...diamonds! Dozens and dozens of them! They spill out onto the floor the moment the safe is opened.

<Eralia> "Daaaaaaaaamn."

<Capn_Ascii> A notebook also falls out, half-buried in the pile.

Eralia snatches the notebook.

Eralia takes a look through it

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: The notebook is old...very old. There's a title at the top of the first page: "NOTES ON THE MIRROR OF UNDEFEATABILITYNESSITUDE"

Eralia nods, satisfied. She starts reading.

<Capn_Ascii> The notes are divided into two sections. The first is a short paragraph of text; the majority of the notebook is some sort of grocery-style listing of objects.

Eralia reads the paragraph

Rika scoops up the diamonds and puts them in a pouch.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: "I still don't fully understand how the mirror came to be - not even my magic tools should be capable of creating an object os such power.. It seems to have mostly been an accident - I suspect that the glass must have been exposed to an existing artifact during the molding process, though I have no idea what that object might be or where it came from."

<Dkort> "Wait, may I see those diamonds?"

Rika tosses Dkort the pouch

<Dkort> "Did you see whether they had any magical properties?" he said, while taking a good look at them himself

<Rika> "I think I would have seen if they did, but no, I didn't actively search."

<Capn_Ascii> "If there *was* an artifact present in my old workshop in Port Starboard, I suppose it may still be there, hidden amongst my old things and my notes on the mirror's operation. I should try to go there and retrieve it at some point to see if it can help me figure out how to unwork this blasted piece of $%#@!"

<Capn_Ascii> That's not DM censoring; those symbols are actually written on the paper. "In the meantime, I'm cataloging all the items which I've tried to destroy the mirror with."

<Eralia> "Oooh. Port Starboard."

<Eralia> "I think, my friends... we may have a short detour to be making..."

Eralia tries to see if there's a more specific address for his old place written anywhere

<Capn_Ascii> The rest of the notebook consists of a veeeeeery long listing of items, from the mundane to the unusual to the downright freaky. Apparantly, he's been working on cracking this thing for a long, long time.

Rika floats over to the magic mirror "If we take you with us, if you're unable to transport us to wherever this detour is, would you still be able to transport us, or do we need to bring the big laser in the celing too?"

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: You poke around the notebook for a while...you're about to give up, when you glance at the inside of the back cover, and find a sticker. "Property of Sherman Peabody, 1138 Lucas Lane, Port Starboard, LZ 90210."

<Eralia> "Awesome."

Eralia walks over to the mirror. "Can you hone in on an exact address?"

<Capn_Ascii> "I believe so. Do you have one?"

<Eralia> "1138 Lucas Lane, Port Starboard, Lazryzort"

<Eralia> "Zip 90210 if that helps."

<Capn_Ascii> "Triangulating..."

<Capn_Ascii> The mirror emits a series of bleeps, like a sonar emitter.

<Capn_Ascii> "Target aquired."

<Eralia> "Let's see it."

<Capn_Ascii> The mirror's image shifts to show a road map of a port city. A pair of crosshairs mark a building near the center of the map.

<Eralia> "Teleport ready?"

<Capn_Ascii> "I think so." The image changes again, this time to another room-viewing. The room it shows you is dark, however; you can't make out much in the way of details, except for the vague shapes of furniture.

Rika looks into the room.

Dkort and his Darkvision look into the room

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: You take a look through the mirror. As you do, however, the image seems to get a little blurry, as if someone was messing with the TV reception. (What's a TV?)

Eralia takes a look. "Hey, why's it blurring? Mirror?"

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: What are you talking about? The picture's crystal clear.

Eralia sighs and deletes the last two lines, as well as this one.

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort: You can see through the mirror just fine. It looks like a workshop; not unlike this one, only larger and more complex. There are several workbenches, wall-mounted racks full of tools, and mechanical parts strewn everywhere. The lights are off, but you can see a little moonlight shining in from an unseen window.

<Rika> "Why is it blurry?"

Eralia looks. "What are you talking about? Looks good to me."

<Capn_Ascii> The mirror pauses, as if referencing something. "...oh, yes, I've seen this problem before. Check Appendix D under my section in the manual."

Rika looks at Eralia, then back at the mirror "How can you see anything, anyway?"

Rika takes out the manual for the mirror.

<Eralia> "Huh? I just see it."

<Dkort> "It looks like a larger and better-stocked workshop."

Rika flips through the book to the aformentioned page.

<Eralia> "Well, there's not a whole lot to see. But I can kinda see."

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: You turn in the manual to the appropriate page, and read. "WARNING: There is a known problem with many models of magic mirror, in which certain types of scrying, detection spells, or other forms of magical sight enhancement may cause distortions in the viewing surface, or migrane headaches with certain users.

<Capn_Ascii> This is a problem with the reception, not the mirror; it usually indicates of some form of anti-scrying shielding, or unusually strong interference at the target site.

<Capn_Ascii> If problems persist, stop using the mirror immediately and/or see a doctor."

Rika taps two words lightly, reading them outloud "..Strong interference.."

Rika , keeping her head down asks the mirror "Can you open a portal to this place please?"

<Capn_Ascii> The gun fires again...but this time, the mirror image flickers somewhat before the portal opens. "Hmm. I don't seem to be able to open the portal on these precise coordinates; I believe there is some sort of interference at the target site. I've adjusted the portal to the street outside."

Rika floats through the mirror and looks around.

<Capn_Ascii> ---END SESSION---