Trinsic Tales:Afterlife in the Fast Lane/Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen: Ice, Ice, Baby
(06:46:07) <@Capn_Ascii> "As we join our heroes, we find them comitting statutory breaking and entering. But, it seems they are not alone...OR ARE THEY? ...nope, they're not."
(06:49:19) * Rika looks around for anything magical, saying "It's me the cat."
(06:50:09) * Eralia rolls her eyes
(06:50:46) * Dkort suppresses a chuckle
(06:55:51) <@Capn_Ascii> "Oh, alright then." The voice seems satisfied, but then...
(06:56:15) <@Capn_Ascii> "Oi! You bloody idiot! Cat's don't talk!" It's a different voice.
(06:56:37) <Eralia> "MEOW"
(06:56:46) <@Capn_Ascii> "Maybe it's a magic cat." A third voice, with a bit of a 'duuuh' aura to it.
(07:02:52) <@Capn_Ascii> "Don't be stupid. Magic cats have funny accents, like this." He speaks up again, this time in a mock Scottish accent. "Aye, laddies, it's McPuss the magic kittah!"
(07:03:11) * Eralia raises an eyebrow.
(07:03:38) <Eralia> "I'll take it from here."
(07:05:00) <Eralia> "...wait, that won't work. Thought the Hat was more versatile then that. Oh well."
(07:05:51) <@Capn_Ascii> "Okay, so we've established that it's not a magic cat. What is it, then?"
(07:13:10) * Rika pulls out a wand, points it at herself and quietly says "You can't see me. Neeneer neener."
(07:13:33) * Rika tosses the wand to Eralia
(07:14:20) <@Capn_Ascii> Rika silently disappears from sight.
(07:14:43) * Rika slips further into the room, looking around, using the last of her arcane sight.
(07:14:59) <@Capn_Ascii> "Ooh, ooh, I know! Is it a...uh..." A brief pause, and the rustle of paper. "...an in-troo-der?"
(07:15:40) * Eralia raises an eyebrow and hands the wand off to Dkort. "I have this hat."
(07:17:13) * Eralia uses the Hat of Disguise to change her appearance to look like a fake health inspector
(07:18:11) * Dkort points the wand at himself and grins while chanting the command phrase
(07:18:32) * Eralia quickly gets paper and ink out and jots down some brief paperwork to back this disguise up
(07:19:03) <Dkort> "Ummm...I can't see you, Rika. Should I just hold onto the wand for now?"
(07:19:33) <@Capn_Ascii> Rika: As you move further into the room and around one of the statues, you see the source of the voices - a quartet of orcs, clad in battle gear. From the looks of them, they're part of the warlord's invasion force. Three of them are talking; the fourth just stands there silently, looking stern.
(07:21:40) <@Capn_Ascii> Rika: Across the room, against the far wall, is a Grecian-style statue of a robed woman that you haven't seen until now. You know this, because your Arcane Sight is making it light up like a Vegas billboard. The statue glows for several moments before your spell wears off, and it goes dark.
(07:23:39) <@Capn_Ascii> Dkort also poofs into nothingness. Eralia, meanwhile, uses the hat to turn herself into a health inspector - which in this case causes a hairnet to appear over her head and a bright shiny "HEALTH INSPECTOR" badge to appear on her shirt.
(07:24:37) * Eralia smirks.
(07:24:58) * Rika sneaks over to the aforementioned statue and examines it.
(07:26:59) <@Capn_Ascii> Rika: There's a small plaque on the base of the statue: "COMMAND, AND YE SHALL CONQUER."
(07:39:17) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: As far as you can tell, the statue is rigged with something like a Command spell. It's designed to respond to verbal commands, but exactly *which* commands, or what it's supposed to do upon hearing them, you aren't sure.
(07:40:05) <Cap_Ascii> Eralia: You produce a quill and paper, and quickly scribble out something not wholly unlike health inspector paperwork. Will it pass muster? That depends on who reads it...
(07:42:17) * Eralia smiles. She's not going to *try* to get challenged, but she's ready if she is.
(07:42:43) * Rika hides on the side of the statue opposite the orcs and whispers through a list of verbal commands, "Wake, Activate, Go, Move, Walk, Start."
(07:43:21) * Rika whispers "Conquer"
(07:43:41) * Rika whispers again "Command."
(07:46:12) <Cap_Ascii> The statue's eyes glow dimly.
(07:50:16) <Cap_Ascii> After a few moments, to your surprise, the statue moves - it steps down off the pedestal it's standing on and shuffles a few feet off to the side.
(07:50:45) * Rika examines the pedistal.
(07:50:51) <Rika> pedestal*
(07:51:19) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: This, of course, draws the attention of the orcs. "Oi! What's all this, then?" You have just enough time to notice that there's something like a box concealed in the now-open pedestal before they start to amble on over.
(07:55:25) * Rika quickly grabs the box and hides it under her cloak, sliding away from thepedestal, further away from the orcs, at the same time.
(07:58:25) <Cap_Ascii> Rika grabs the box and quietly shuffles away, towards a doorway that opens into a hallway that was totally there before.
(08:00:21) * Rika turns and peeks through the door, continuously moving towards it
(08:01:52) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: You glance through the doorway, and see a hallway much like the ones on the bottom floor. As you step away from the statue, the orcs plod over and stare at the empty base.
(08:01:59) <Cap_Ascii> "Hey, the statue moved!"
(08:02:15) <Cap_Ascii> "Well, duh. But why?"
(08:02:18) * Dkort creeps through the room now that there's a distraction
(08:02:27) <Cap_Ascii> "Looks like there was something hidden here. I wonder where it went?"
(08:02:36) * Eralia takes a quick walk through the room given a distraction
(08:03:21) * Rika goes into the hallway and walks down it, looking for a place to hide.
(08:08:03) <Cap_Ascii> Dkort invisibles his way over to join Rika, the two of them ducking into the hall. Eralia, however, takes only two steps before she smacks her toe into the base of a nearby statue, making a rather loud noise.
(08:08:28) * Eralia sighs and hopes the orcs don't notice, continuing along.
(08:09:42) <Cap_Ascii> "Oi, what's that noise I just noticed?"
(08:10:13) * Eralia sighs again, realizing she's been found. She keeps moving, waiting to be directly addressed before speaking to the orcs.
(08:12:24) * Rika shifts her cloak around so it's covering her front, box still underneath, and tries opening the box.
(08:15:18) <Cap_Ascii> Eralia: The orcs are looking in your direction when you emerge from behind the statue. One of them - the smart one, presumably the leader - addresses you. "And just who the 'ell are you?"
(08:15:48) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: The box is made of solid wood, with a hinged lid. There's a small padlock keeping it shut.
(08:16:07) * Rika tries picking it.
(08:16:46) <Eralia> "I'm the health inspector. And I've already found 14 minor violations, and you can be certain that the owner of this dwelling will be informed of this. Satisfied?"
(08:18:00) <Cap_Ascii> "Eh? Violations of what?"
(08:18:21) <Eralia> "The Trinsic Health Code, stupid."
(08:18:26) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: Yep, this is the lock you want. :D
(08:18:36) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: *click* the lock clicks open with little effort.
(08:19:36) * Rika opens the box.
(08:21:43) <Cap_Ascii> "Health code?" The orc scratches his head. "What the hell do we care about health codes? We're *invaders*."
(08:21:56) <Cap_Ascii> The second orc pipes up. "Yeah, this isn't even our house, we're just looting it."
(08:22:23) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: *plays Zelda chest-opening music* Inside the box, you find...
(08:22:57) <Cap_Ascii> ...rubies! There are three of them, each the size of your fist.
(08:23:49) <Eralia> "Section 3, subsection C, paragraph 1, subparagraph 4. Looters of houses are responsible for all health code violations found within those houses that are determined to be a direct result of said looting. Section 1, subsection D, paragraph 2, subparagraph 1, any force that may invade Trinsic is still subject to the Trinsic Health Code to protect the health of the invading force."
(08:24:33) * Rika closes the box and puts it into her bag.
(08:25:06) * Rika walks back to the statue room, and stumbles into Dkort one the way.
(08:25:27) * Rika grabs his arm and drags him back too.
(08:26:17) <Cap_Ascii> The orcs stare blankly. ".....buh?"
(08:26:35) <Eralia> "Yeah, you don't want to get sick and die, right?"
(08:26:56) * Rika , seeing Eralia has it handled, turn around and goes down the hallway, towing Dkort.
(08:27:40) * Dkort tries to tag along quietly
(08:29:42) <Cap_Ascii> "Lady..." The lead orc hefts up his battle axe. "You've got about 5 seconds to give us a good - and more importantly, understandable - reason for being here, before we smash you into a pulp." The second orc chimes in. "Yeah, we've got orders to kill anyone we find."
(08:33:43) <Eralia> "Well, I'm following orders myself," Eralia says, revealing her paperwork. "And, oddly enough, we're actually working for the *same person*. So maybe you should let me do my job and I'll let you do yours? Your health code violations aren't difficult to fix. In fact, I can probably take care of them myself. Normally I'd charge for that, but I could see waiving the fee under the circumstances."
(08:36:01) * Rika stands in the hallway, looking back towards the art room, waiting.
(08:39:05) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: You suddenly feel a bump against you, as Dkort stumbles into you.
(08:39:41) <Cap_Ascii> "Same person, huh?" He glares. "What's his name?"
(08:41:26) <Eralia> "I believe I have heard the name is Steve. It's not like I've dealt with him directly, though. I'm just a health inspector."
(08:41:58) <Cap_Ascii> "Yeah, okay. What's the operator code?"
(08:46:16) <Eralia> Eralia waves her hand in front of the lead orc's face. "There is no operator code. You couldn't keep one in your heads long enough, so Steve gave up on it."
(08:49:07) <Cap_Ascii> The orc grins. "Hah, got you! There is *too* a code! It's...uh..." Suddenly, he gets a blank look on his face.
(08:49:23) <Cap_Ascii> "Uh...oh, shoot. Hey, Jerry, what *was* the code again?"
(08:49:54) <Eralia> "See what I mean? You guys couldn't remember. You just proved my point."
(08:50:49) <Cap_Ascii> "No, no, there definitely *was* a code. I just can't quite, ah, recall it at the moment."
(08:51:15) <Eralia> "There *was*, yes. But there isn't *now*."
(08:52:27) <Eralia> "You can confirm that fact easily enough. Just go check with our master. I'll wait for you."
(08:54:53) <Cap_Ascii> "No, you won't." The orc hefts his axe again. "There *is* a code, so even if I can't remember it, that means you're lying. And last I checked, the boss didn't give a spitlick about saying hi to Gene, or whoever. And frankly, talking to you is making my head hurt, so we're just gonna kill you now, if you don't mind."
(08:55:33) * Rika rolls her eyes slightly and walks back to the art room.
(08:55:43) <Eralia> "If there was a code, and I told you it, and you wouldn't remember, we'd be in this same position. You apparently are, after all, an idiot."
(08:59:12) * Eralia pulls out her flaming swords. "But if you insist on dying for your ignorance, so be it. But I'm betting you're slightly more intelligent then *that*."
(08:59:35) * Rika slides behind the leader and releases Dkort, pulling out her weapons.
(09:01:58) <Cap_Ascii> The four orcs simultaniously draw several weapons between them. "We're not afraid of some puny little health inspector!"
(09:03:06) * Eralia quickly removes her disguise. "No? Then how about a zombie health inspector? You do know zombies can't be killed, right, since we're already dead."
(09:05:33) <Cap_Ascii> The orcs don't seem impressed. The leader smirks. "Oh, please. Of course zombies can be killed? You hit 'em until they stop moving, and such." He looks like he's about to attack, but then squints at you. "Hey, wait a minute...you look familiar..."
(09:15:26) <Cap_Ascii> Eralia leans forward, grinning evilly and brandishing her swords...and as she does, the orcs' eyes go wide. "Oh my god! I recognize you now! It's...HER!"
(09:15:58) <Cap_Ascii> "HER!?"
(09:16:23) <Cap_Ascii> The biggest orc screams like a schoolgirl.
(09:16:28) <Eralia> "ME."
(09:16:47) * Rika steps back a couple feet so she doesn't get trampled or whatever.
(09:16:53) * Rika grabs Dkort along the way
(09:17:19) <Cap_Ascii> "AAAAAHHHHHH!"
(09:17:25) * Dkort blinks
(09:17:50) <Cap_Ascii> "It's...it's..."
(09:18:41) <Cap_Ascii> "...it's Tatanya the Zombified Orc Slayer!"
(09:19:02) <Cap_Ascii> One of the orcs cowers. "They say she's slaughtered entire tribes!"
(09:19:15) <Cap_Ascii> "I heard she doesn't just kill you, she *eats your soul*!"
(09:20:56) <Eralia> "Only when I'm angry. Which... I think I happen to be pretty angry right about now," Eralia smirks. "So maybe you should go run along and get out of here before I decide to have some fun with you four."
(09:27:01) <Cap_Ascii> The orcs stare at you, blinking. Then...
(09:27:48) <Cap_Ascii> "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" With a thunderous clatter of feet and a series of panicked shrieks, three of the four orcs barrel past Eralia. They nearly trample over Dkort and Rika before dashing off down the hallway and out of sight.
(09:28:30) <Cap_Ascii> The fourth orc tries to run too, but Eralia chooses that moment to step forward, cutting him off. His eye twitches, then he takes off running in the opposite direction - smashing an Orc-shaped hole in the far wall of the room and falling out of sight.
(09:29:17) * Eralia smiles, waits 60 seconds to make sure they go away, then reverts to her health inspector disguise.
(09:29:26) <Cap_Ascii> "Aaahhh!" The hole opens out to the outside; you can hear him screaming from the garden below, as he limps towards the gate.
(09:29:37) <Eralia> "Okay, now the place is ours."
(09:29:45) <Eralia> "Save the owners, if they're still here."
(09:29:51) <Eralia> "So let's search."
(09:30:12) * Rika looks around the room "I wonder why they chose this room to squat in."
(09:30:55) * Eralia starts searching the room for valuables
(09:37:15) <Cap_Ascii> The three of you poke around the room, especially around the buffet table (mmm, comestibles), but there doesn't seem to be anything that jumps out at you. You feel certain that there's something more to this room, however...
(09:39:19) * Rika reaces into her bag and pulls out her Detect Magic and Detect Secret Doors wands and activated both of them, looking around the room once more.
(09:39:27) <Rika> activates*
(09:43:02) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: Your spells kick in. You take a look around the room, but nothing seems to have changed; at least, nothing that you can see from here.
(09:46:02) * Dkort brandishes the wand of invisibility, and then returns it to Rika
(09:46:17) * Rika takes it back "thanks"
(09:46:52) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: As you move to take the wand from Dkort, you happen to glance at the nearby buffet table. Wait - what's that?
(09:47:07) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: There's a faint glow coming from inside the bucket sitting on the end of the table.
(09:47:27) * Rika walks over and looks in the bucket.
(09:49:24) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: It's a champagne bucket. Oddly enough, there's a bottle of champagne sitting in it, in the middle of a pile of ice cubes.
(09:52:03) <Cap_Ascii> The entire contents of the bucket are glowing softly.
(09:52:08) * Rika examines the contents of the bucket.
(09:58:27) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: The bottle is obviously magical - it's a potion of some sort, cleverly concealed within a campagne bottle. However, you can't be sure what exactly it is without taking a closer look. But it's the ice that's really interesting...somebody has apparantly placed a spell of cold on the cubes.
(10:00:39) * Rika picks up the bottle
(10:03:11) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: As you lift the bottle out of the bucket, your hand brushes the ice. It's cold, but not in the same way ice should be - something doesn't feel quite right. You pick up a cube and take a closer look, and suddenly, you realize - it's not ice, it's a cube-chaped diamond!
(10:03:47) <Cap_Ascii> Someone has filled this entire bucket with diamonds, and cast a cold spell on them to hide them as ice cubes.
(10:04:08) <Rika> "Well.. Found enough diamonds to resurrect the city."
(10:04:17) <Eralia> "You did?"
(10:04:59) * Rika picks up the bucket and hands it to Eralia. "Yeah, these are all diamonds with a cold spell on them."
(10:05:12) <Dkort> "I don't really wanna take the time to resurrect the entire city..."
(10:05:37) * Eralia examines the bucket. "Well, I'm not sure how much are actually here. Someone will need to do a real appraisal."
(10:06:13) <Rika> "We don't need to resurrect the city, I was just trying to make a point."
(10:07:16) * Eralia makes a quick appraisal.
(10:08:58) <Eralia> "Well... it's diamonds, I get that much." Eralia hands the bucket to Dkort.
(10:09:15) <Dkort> "They're shiny."
(10:09:17) <Cap_Ascii> Eralia: While there are certainly a lot of diamonds here, they're not all that valuable individually - between the lot of them, there's probably enough for two revivals, with a few left over.
(10:09:49) <Eralia> "I'm guessing two people, just at a quick estimate."
(10:10:08) <Cap_Ascii> Dkort: Ooh, sparkly!
(10:10:53) <Eralia> "I believe, Dkort, it is time to be reviving me," Eralia says, smiling at him.
(10:12:02) * Eralia sits down and meditates, preparing for revival.
(10:13:44) * Dkort grabs a couple handfuls of diamonds and begins chanting
(10:15:54) <Eralia> "Rika, make sure there aren't any threats to break Dkort's concentration, thanks."
(10:16:35) * Rika keeps watch
(10:18:20) <Cap_Ascii> Dkort begins chanting. "Ooba dooba dooba do wah, do wah, do waaah..."
(10:19:56) <Cap_Ascii> *picture of the stopwatch from 60 Minutes*
(10:19:59) <Cap_Ascii> Ten minutes later...
(10:20:14) <Cap_Ascii> "...and a partridge in a pear treeeee!"
(10:20:46) <Cap_Ascii> There's a flash of light, and zombie Eralia turns back into into sexy pre-zombie Eralia. But still just as scary.
(10:21:30) * Eralia , recognizing the change, stands up slowly, examines herself, and smiles. She tosses the Hat of Disguise back to Rika. "Thanks for the loan."
(10:22:01) * Rika puts it back on, disguising it. "No Problem."
(10:22:34) <Cap_Ascii> There are still enough diamonds left over for an extra revival, should the worst happen. And knowing this group, it will.
(10:22:58) * Eralia shakes her hair out a bit, letting it flow back to its sexiest position.
(10:23:16) <Eralia> "Alrighty then. We have an invader to kill and loot."
(10:23:46) <Cap_Ascii> Eralia's hair billows in slow motion as if she were starring in a hair dye commercial.
(10:24:13) <Rika> "I hope he drops more than 500 EXP and a Rusty Dagger."
(10:24:31) <Eralia> "He'd BETTER."
(10:25:02) <Eralia> "So, do we want to finish looting this house or just go straight for the throat?"
(10:26:03) <Rika> "I wouldn't mind doing more treasure hunting. We didn't exactly do so well the first time. Maybe there's something in this house we can use."
(10:26:16) <Eralia> "I'm inclined to agree."
(10:26:36) <Eralia> "Just thought we should establish that. So, anything else in this room? What's in that bottle, Rika?"
(10:27:14) <Rika> "I don't know. I can't tell. I'm not sure I want to be opening random bottles."
(10:28:03) <Dkort> "I'm willing to take the risk."
(10:28:37) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: As you turn the bottle over in your hand, you spy a tiny label on the bottom that you must have missed before, because it was totally there the entire time and this is not a shlep by the DM because he couldn't think of a good potion until now.
(10:29:15) <Cap_Ascii> The label has two simple words, that nonetheless send a shiver of fear down your spine: "DRAGON'S BREATH."
(10:30:00) <Rika> "Dragon's Breath?"
(10:32:24) <Cap_Ascii> Rika: Dragon's Breath is a powerful, but rare, potion in the alchemical world. The brew is exceptionally strong and difficult to swallow, but if successful, the imbiber gains the temporary ability to breathe fire like a dragon.
(10:32:53) <Cap_Ascii> Exactly *which* breath attack is gained varies depending on the user.
(10:33:02) <Eralia> "That should be good for the battle with the invader."
(10:33:07) * Rika stares at the bottle "Oh, I remember."
(10:33:21) <Rika> "Yeah."
(10:35:21) * Rika puts it in her bag.
(10:35:23) <Eralia> "Next room?"
(10:35:27) * Rika nods.
(10:36:57) * Eralia advances down the hallway
(10:37:11) * Rika follows.
(10:37:52) <Cap_Ascii> ---END SESSION---