Trinsic Tales:Afterlife in the Fast Lane/Chapter 06

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Note: This log is still in IRC format, and may be awkward to read as a result.

Chapter Six: Death, ???, Profit

<Capn_Ascii> "As we join our heroes, we find them contemplating theft and fraud to raise money in hopes of violating the laws of the afterlife, in a desperate attempt to return to the living world as abominations of nature in an attempt to kill some guy. Wow, that doesn't sound very heroic at all when I say it like that."

<Eralia> "Who said we were heroes? I just did it for the cash."

<Eralia> "Anywho, let's go get some Hell-cash."

<Dkort> "You make it sound like this is out of the ordinary for me."

<Capn_Ascii> Shh! Stop talking to the narrator!

<Dkort> "Hey, I commune with the gods once in a while. How is this any different?"

Eralia heads out, looking for a place where coinage might be acquired through various quick and illegal methods

<Capn_Ascii> Look, just go mug someone already, or something.

Eralia finds someone who looks rich and vulnerable enough to mug

<Eralia> (or, at least, tries to)

Dkort looks for honest work...or at least as honest as work can get in hell

Rika looks around

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: Looking around, you spy a particularly interesting-looking potential target: a skinny gnome, wearing a top hat and monocle. More importantly, he's carrying a rather large sack with a large "S" painted on the side, not unlike a dollar sign. He's walking through the crowd, looking rather jovial, a bounce in his step.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: Meanwhile, you find your own targets: a pair of what appear to be tourists. An overweight, middle-aged man in a straw hat and tropical shirt, and his similarly-shaped-and-dressed female companion, are wandering around the plaza at semi-random, talking loudly and pointing some sort of small black box at the various landmarks of Hell. The box emits a bright flash every so often.

Eralia discreetly follows the Gnome and waits for him to leave a public street.

Rika walks towards the tourists ((tourists? what's that?)) and pretends to be drunk or something, stumbling between them, attempting to pick their pockets and she walks by.

<Capn_Ascii> DKort: While your comrades are off trying to ruin their karma, you elect to take the high road and look for gainful employment. You spy two establishments with HELP WANTED signs in the window - one looks like a cafeteria, the other, a news stand.

Dkort takes a moment to look at both establishments.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: The good news: you're easily able to follow the gnome. The bad news: there's nothing 'discreet' about it. As you're closing in on your target, you trip over an exposed cobblestone in the path and fall flat on your face in the middle of the crowd. People turn to look at you, some snickering.

Eralia sighs. That may be a good thing, obvious is less suspicious.

Eralia tries to be OBVIOUS as she's walking. (Although not obvious in the following)

Eralia picks herself up first though.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: Putting on your best "don't mind me, I'm just passing through" swagger, you mosey on over to the tourists and attempt to your thing. Silently, unnoticed, you slip your hand into the male tourist's pocket...success! Your hand closes around a money pouch.

<Capn_Ascii> ...BUT...

<Capn_Ascii> ...as you move to withdraw your prize, your finger accidentally catches on a small loop at the bast of the man's brightly-colored shirt. You tug gently, but it seems to be stuck; you tug more firmly, but again, your hand refuses to budge.

<Capn_Ascii> Frustrated, you give a forceful yank, and your hand comes free - along with the man's shirt, which rips right off his body. He's left standing there, shirtless, his pudgy, pale physique exposed, a surprised look on his face.

Rika blinks, also surprised.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: You pick yourself up off the ground, and nonchalantly dust yourself off, grinning a sheepish grin to allay suspicion. The crowd shrugs, and moves on; the gnome doesn't seem to have even noticed your pratfall. Before you resume following him, you pick up the offending cobblestone that tripped you up, and to your surprise, find that there's something written on it: "I was just trying to help, honest!"

Eralia raises an eyebrow and pockets it.

<Capn_Ascii> DKort: The cafeteria place seems to be some sort of Vegas-style buffet, set up underneath an open-sided shelter. A long table is laid out, with heaps of food of all kinds from one end to the other; a nearby sign reads "BUFFET OF THE DAMNED. (Damned tasty, that is) There's a bored-looking teenager standing near the table, wearing an apron and a sullen look on his face.

<Capn_Ascii> DKort: The newsstand, meanwhile, looks like...well, a newsstand. A 40-ish man with reading glasses is sitting in the booth, reading a newspaper, apparantly waiting for someone to walk up and buy something.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: After a few moments, the male tourist suddenly realizes that the eyes of most of the crowd are on him; he turns beet-red and tries to cover himself with his arms. Meanwhile, his female companion spys Rika holding his shirt, and gets a shocked look on her face. "What *are* you doing!?"

Rika looks down at the shirt, grabs it with her other hand, hands it back to him, attempting to hide the wallet thing in her palm, trying to pocket it, handing the shirt back. "Sorry man, I like.. Tripped into you.."

<Dkort> "Excuse me," Dkort walks up to the newsstand guy. "Were you looking for an employee?" he says as he points at the HELP WANTED sign.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: The tourist, still mortified, stammers out a flustered reply. "That was one hell of a trip!" Suddenly, he pauses, then grins and turns to his companion. "Heh heh! Hell...get it? HAR HAR!" He starts chortling at his own perceived wittiness, as his partner rolls her eyes.

<Capn_Ascii> She looks at Rika. "Will you please return my husband's clothing before be tells any more bad jokes?"

Rika laughs, handing the shirt back "So sorry. Here you go."

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: As you return the shirt, you stealthily pass the money pouch from one hand to the other, slipping it into your pocket. No one seems to notice, the man quickly re-dons and re-buttons his shirt, seemingly oblivious to his monetary loss.

<Capn_Ascii> DKort: The newskeeper looks up at you, peering through coke-bottle lenses. "Eh? Oh, hello there sonny. What's that, yer lookin' for work?" He glances up, and blinks in surprise at the sign, as if only just now seeing it for the first time. "Oh, yeah! I did put that thing up there, didn't I?" He looks back at you. "Yeah, I'm lookin' for a hand dealing with my incoming shipments of papers. I'm too old to go liftin' all the all them heavy stacks, ya see."

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: The woman seems relieved, as the two of them move away and go back to their photography. The crowd begins to disperse.

Rika tries to be all sly and goes in the opposite direction, looking around.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: As the crowd breaks up, you spot the gnome, still on his way out of the square. You resume following him, blending into the crowd like a professional assassin.

Eralia keeps following, waiting to be alone with the gnome

Rika, confirming no one is looking at her, pulls the pouch out of her pocket and goes through it.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika: Making sure no one is looking, you fish the pouch out of your pocket and open it up to count your take. The pouch contains 27 silver coins like the ones Helena showed you, plus 10 coins made out of gold. These have a picture of a church bell on one side, and an angelic halo on the other.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: You continue to follow the gnome. He leads you towards the far end of the plaza, and into a small alleyway. He goes about 20 feet down before turning to look at a nearby door.

Eralia follows him down the alley and closely, holding the "help" rock and aiming it.

Eralia doesn't get close enough so he can see, though.

Rika slips the pouch into the bottom of her bag and looks around for someone else.

<Dkort> "So you need me to move the heavy stacks?"

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort: "That's the idea." He points at a nearby delivery van; the back door is open, revealing dozens of towering stacks of newspaper crammed into it. "I need those papers unloaded and stowed in the shelves in the back of the booth here." He raises an eyebrow at you. "Think you can handle that, sonny?"

<Dkort> "Most likely. What's the pay?"

Eralia fires the rock at her target!

Eralia follows that up with a quick charge!

<Capn_Ascii> (You throw rocks, not fire them.) :p

<Eralia> (Whatever)

<Capn_Ascii> (Just clarifying for the record.) :p

<Rika> (He sets fire to the rock, duh.)

<Eralia> (Yeah, sure)

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort: "3 souls per stack. I'm warnin' ya though, they're heavy!"

<Rika> (She* I'm starting to hate sexually-specific pronouns again.)

Dkort walks over and puts both hands on a stack and tests just how heavy it is

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: Taking careful aim, you hurl the rock at the gnome's head with all your strength. It spontaniously bursts into flame as it flies, before smashing into the side of the gnome's head, HARD. *CRACK!*

<Capn_Ascii> The rock hits the gnome hard enough to knock him clear off his feet. He lands flat on his back, grasping at his head, groaning in pain. "Aaaaah!" As a result of this, he drops the bag onto the ground nearby.

Eralia changes her direction to pick up the bag.

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort: You slip your fingers under the nearest stack of papers, and give an experimental lift - the stack doesn't even budge. You might - *might* - be able to lift one of these things, but it'll take every ounce of strength you can muster, and you probably wouldn't be able to keep it up for long...

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: Moving quickly, you dart into the alley and scoop up the bag. The gnome's eyes are shut from pain, but he's starting to try and get up; you only have moments to make good your escape! ...or you could just stay there and try to apologize to him.

Eralia gets the Hell out of there and back into the main streets of Hell

Dkort waves his holy symbol over his head and casts Righteous Might, becoming taller, stronger and greener

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: You run for your life as the gnome staggers back to his feet; he just barely catches a glimpse of his mysterious female attacker as she darts around the corner. "Hey!" He starts off after her, yelling and bleeding from his temple. "HEY! Thief, THIEF!"

<Capn_Ascii> A window in the alley opens, and a man wearing a thief's hood and cloak pokes his head out. "You called?"

<Capn_Ascii> The gnome ignores him, and keeps running after Eralia.

Eralia searches for another blind alley to Hide in as she runs.

Dkort begins ferrying the stacks over to wherever the old man tells him to

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: You emerge from the alley, back into the crowd of people meandering around the square. There are no alleyways nearby, although there is a stack of crates piled nearby. Beyond that, the only immediately- obvious hiding place is the crowd itself - you could try to blend back into the throngs of people again.

Eralia tries to blend in with the crowd, carefully pocketing the money.

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort: With a mighty "YAR!" and a heave and a ho, you grab a stack of papers and begin waddling with them around the booth. Even with your new muscles, the stack is painfully heavy, though at least now you don't think you'll drop them. It takes you a couple of minutes, but you manage to work the stack onto a shelf-like platform on the back of the booth.

<Capn_Ascii> As you place the papers, some sort of hole opens up beneath them; the entire stack falls down into the opening, which closes behind them.

<Capn_Ascii> *shoomp!*

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia: You try to mesh into the crowd, but in your hurry to escape, you stumble and end up forcibly bumping into a passerby instead. "Ow! Hey, quit shoving!" As you regain your balance, the gnome dashes out of the alley, still yelling. "Thief, THIEF!" The people in the crowd begin to glance in his direction...

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort: High on testosterone, you return to the truck and grab another stack. It hardly seems to weight any more than the first, and you deal with it almost as quickly.

Eralia attempts to be inconspicous among the crowd, so the gnome can't tell. This usually involves not being the closest person (or close to it) of the same shape as me.

<Eralia> Eralia also takes the opportunity to point out, "Hey, isn't that a 3-headed monkey behind that shouting gnome?"

Rika walks past Eralia, bumping into her, trying to discreetly grab the bag from her hands while people may or may not be looking for a three-headed monkey. She attempts to hide it under her cloak as she walks off.

Eralia helps Rika do this.

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort: Having dropped off the second stack of papers, you head back around to the truck to grab a third. You're starting to get tired by now, but you manage to wrangle this load into place.

<Capn_Ascii> As Eralia attempts a distraction and moves deeper into the crowd, Rika moves into place for the switch. Unfortunately, Eralia's 'distraction' doesn't last long - the crowd glances over with a confused "Buh?" for only a moment before realizing that there is, in fact, no three-headed monkey.

<Capn_Ascii> Eralia tries to hand off the bag in the meantime, but the exchange doesn't go smoothly - the bag is heavy, and Rika can't quite get a grip on it to hide it quickly. Annoyed by having their hopes falsely raised, the crowd turns back around just in time to see Eralia and Rika standing there, holding the proverbial (and in this case quite literal) bag. They stare for a moment, before the screaming gnome forces his way through the crowd. "Thief! THIEF!"

<Capn_Ascii> There's a pause of several seconds. Then, one man glances at the two women, then at the gnome. "Uh, which one?"

<Capn_Ascii> The gnome opens his mouth to yell accusingly...but then stops, confused. He looks at the one woman, then the other, then the first one again. "Uh...actually, I'm not sure. They both looks kind of the same from the back." He says this mostly because he was a bit too bleedy and rock-concussioned-y to get a clear view of his assailant.

<Eralia> "What ARE you talking about anyways? I didn't steal anything." Eralia snaps firmly at the gnome. "And I don't take kindly to such ignorant accusations. Especially non-specific ones. If I was going to steal from you, you'd be still there, unconsicous. Ordinarily I'd say dead, but under the circumstances..."

<Capn_Ascii> "I think it was that one." He points at Rika. "Or was it that one?" He points at Eralia, before his finger wavers back and forth. "Dang it, I can't really tell..."

<Capn_Ascii> As the gnome waffles, the crowd focuses on him - Rika quickly takes advantage of this to quietly drop the bag and kick it behind the nearby stack of crates.

<Capn_Ascii> "Uh...!" The gnome's eyes go wide a bit at Eralia's blustering. He glances at Rika. "...th-that one?"

<Eralia> "She wouldn't either," Eralia insists. "I know this one. If she stole from you, you wouldn't be aware of it until the day after tomorrow."

<Capn_Ascii> The gnome seems to falter. The crowd is starting to grumble; Eralia's confident, aggressive statements, combined with the gnome's awkwardness and general wimpy gnomishness, seem to be turning the crowd against him.

<Eralia> "So why don't you take your whiny attitude and go back to the Hellhole in which you're living in," Eralia orders the gnome harshly, throwing in another lame pun.

<Capn_Ascii> "Yeah!" "Stop being such a whiner, Billy!" "You probably just lost it again." "It's not our fault you keep getting beat up for lunch money!" The crowd now seems to be firmly on Eralia's side; the gnome stammers and turns pale. "B-but...but..." He sniffles...then bursts out crying. "WAAAAAAH! I'm telling!" He puts his hands to his face and runs away bawling, his monocle falling off as he leaves.

<Capn_Ascii> Grumpy murmurs spread through the crowd as the people break up and disperse. "Geez, what a dweeb." After a little bit, everyone has gone back to their previous dealings.

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort: *grunt* *lift* *grunt* *lift*

Rika looks around, making sure no one is looking then leans down and picks up the bag, trying to conceal it, again. She then wanders a distance away and opens the bag, looking inside

<Capn_Ascii> After waiting a bit to make sure no one is paying attention, Rika grabs Eralia's booty (heh heh) and the two of them make their way to the relative seclusion of the gazebo. Dkort joins them as well, having finished his job at the news stand - he's covered in sweat, and looks like he's just barely escaped a fight with a pit rancor.

<Capn_Ascii> Rika opens the bag, and confirms Eralia's take - 30 silver coins.

<Rika> "Whoo. three coins short. How many did you get, Dkort?"

<Capn_Ascii> Dkort produces his own earnings - 18 silver coins, for moving six stacks of papers. He would have moved seven, if it weren't for that sudden hernia.

<Rika> "So we have 75."

<Rika> "Wonder if we can save the other fifteen for try number two..."

<Eralia> "That's plenty. Now, let's do what we gotta go."

<Dkort> "I hope zombies don't get hernias..."

<Eralia> "Of course. Don't even mention you have them, Dkort."

Rika nods, puts the fifteen in the first wallet she stole and shoves it back into her bag.

<Capn_Ascii> ---END SESSION---

<Capn_Ascii> For making moolah and being...creative about it...

<Capn_Ascii> ...let's say, 1000xp. :D

<Capn_Ascii> But let's say it in the OOC channel. >.>