Space Quest:Exodus/Chapter 39
Narrator: "As we join our heroes, we find them being led into Grebb's Ultra-Secret Fortress(tm), although by "fortress" I mean a flophouse, and by "ultra-secret", I mean the room across the hall."
Grebb reluctantly opens the door to his hideout, being held at gunpoint by most of the Party. "Okay, here we are. Happy now? Sheesh..." He grumbles something unintelligible (though vaguely obscene) under his breath.
MP-X301 hovers in first to look things over. "Ah, the shady hideout of a second-rate criminal. This reminds me of all the trips to the bad parts of Xenon to pick up gangsters with bullets in their bellies."
Ada: "Reminds me of half the joints in Polysorbate, personally."
Ada sticks her head in and looks around appraisingly, then follows MP inside.
Bioo yanks on Grebb's leash, "Hey! Watch your language!"
Bioo: "It'll be expressly obscene or not at all, Bug boy.
MP-X301: "Yes, my microprocessors are sensitive to negative language, you know. They tend to get angry. And you won't like me when I'm angry."
Rex: "OBSCENITY OBSCENITY BZZT."
Calling the place a "hideout" is being extremely generous. The room is completely bare except for a single dirty window, a metal footlocker against the wall, and what appears to be a visual communications console wedged into the corner.
MP-X301: "Bioo, could you do me the favor of checking out the foot locker? And don't break the window. I might want it intact."
Grebb stands next to the visiphone and crosses his arms, pouting. "Here, you damned vultures. I talk to him on this. It's a direct connection to his secret hotline."
Bioo: "You got the key, Bug boy?
Rex: "HOTLINE? LIKE A DATE HOTLINE?"
MP-X301: "Secret hotline? Let me guess... straight to his campaign headquarters?"
Grebb blinks at MP. "No, actually, to his cell phone."
Rex: "CARBON-BASED LIFEFORMS ALWAYS HAVE MATE-FINDING HOTLINES."
Ada snorts a bit.
Bioo: "Grebb scowls at you. "If I said 'no', would you believe me?"
Ada: "You already took his pants, Bioo. I'd hate to think where else he could be stashing the key right now."
Rex lowers down to "look" at Grebb. "YOU ARE A CARBON-BASED LIFEFORM. THAT MEANS YOU MUST ALSO HAVE A MATE-FINDING HOTLINE. DO YOU USE IT? BZZT."
MP-X301: "Oh, right." MP looks at Rex. "Ah, not exactly, Rex, but close enough." After a bit of a glance, MP says to Grebb, "Alright, there's two ways this can go down. Either way, I win. You can talk to Corona and set up our little meeting, or I can record your voice and make all kinds of incriminating comments on your behalf. Which will it be?"
Grebb glances up at Rex, blinks, then hastily fishes a key from underneath the countertop of the visiphone and passes it to Bioo. "HERE, just take it and keep this thing away from me!"
Bioo: "I'm going to use you as a stool while I rummage through the locker either way, so it doesn't really matter to me.
Rex: "REX IS NOT A THING. REX IS A NBD-013685 COMBAT DROID."
MP: Grebb frowns. "He'll never buy it, you know. I wasn't supposed to take delivery of you *personally*, I was just a front for the money."
Bioo: "May I iterate?
MP-X301: "Then, pray tell, how *would* it work?"
Bioo: "I'm posing as a bounty hunter, yeah?
MP-X301: "That's the idea, Bioo."
Rex: "REX IS A POSER?"
Rex: "REX WANTS TO BE A TRANSFORMER."
MP: "I suppose I could just claim that you tracked me down and tried to capture me, but I caught you instead. He'd *have* to believe that...it's not like he could possibly expect that someone like me would end up losing to someone like you...uh."
Bioo: "So why don't I just "get" the number from bug eyes.
MP-X301 smiles electronically. "Works by me, but you'd best make it believable, Grebb. Or Rex gets a new chew toy! What fun!"
Bioo: "And tell Evil Bad Guy(tm) that I decided to cut out the middle man?
Ada: "Bioo has a point, 007."
Grebb whimpers slightly.
Rex: "REX DOESN'T HAVE A MOUTH."
Ada: "A squeeze toy, then."
Rex: "NO ARMS."
MP-X301: "Yes, actually she does. Makes me wonder if we need Grebb alive anymore, but, that's not important. Then, Bioo, I'll leave it in your capable hands. Gag Grebb first. Or kill him." MP looks at Rex, and says, "...My apologies, Rex. Plaything would have been a much more sensitive and politically correct remark."
Rex: "REX KNOWS NOTHING OF POLITICALLYS."
MP-X301 hovers out of range of the video pickup, then waits for Bioo to check the locker.
Ada: "If we kill him, can I do it? I'm determined to prove the existence of squeedlyspootches."
Grebb goes wide-eyed at the "kill" remark. "Hey, now wait a minute! You can't kill me, I'm helping you!"
MP-X301: "Well, if he misbehaves, he's all yours, Ada."
Ada: "Wicked." Ada grins in a way entirely appropriate to the bit of slang.
Grebb whimpers less slightly.
Ada: "Wicked. As in, extremely awesome."
Rex: "AWESOME. LIKE.... LIKE...."
"I, uh, beg to differ..."
Rex: "LIKE SQUISHING CARBON-BASED LIFEFORMS THAT SHOOT REX? COLON DEE."
Ada: "Yes. Precisely."
Bioo: "Sit, Bug boy.
MP-X301: "Yes, very like, Rex. Very like."
MP-X301 looks at Bioo contemplatively. "...You'll need a convincing piece of evidence that you have me. How about my head?"
Bioo: "I'm tired of resting my finely crafted behind on the hard ground.
Rex points at Grebb with one of its small arms. "THIS FRIEND OF CARBON-BASED LIFEFORM WHO SHOT REX. DOES THAT MEAN REX GETS TO SQUISH HIM TOO?"
Grebb looks around pensively, sighs, then sits down cross-legged on the floor away from the visiphone.
Ada: "You may very well get to squish him, Rex."
MP-X301: "Only if he's bad, Rex. Only if he's bad. Otherwise he wouldn't have any motivation to do the right thing."
Rex: "ONLY IF HE'S BAD? DOES THAT MEAN HE WILL GET SMACKED WITH A NEWSPAPER FIRST? REX DOES NOT LIKE NEWSPAPERS. DEE COLON."
MP-X301: "Would you like to smack him with a newspaper, Rex?"
-> Bioo2 has joined trinsic.
Bioo2: Then Ada could just hold you up in a clear garbage bag or something.
Rex: Click. "NO. HERE IS YOUR MERIT BADGE. WE SHALL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN."
Ada: "Go sit on him, Bioo."
<- Bioo has disconnected (Ping timeout)
Bioo2 changes nick to Bioo.
Bioo fold Grebb in half and uses him as a comfy cushion as she picks the lock.
Bioo Uses the KEY to unlock the locker.
Bioo then takes the lock and hooks it onto the front of Grebb's collar, picking it shut and making sure to jam it against further unlockings just to show off her Totally Sweet Thiefing skillz.
Ada: "Nice accessorizing, Bioo," Ada says appreciatively.
Ascii squeals as Bioo unceremoniously plops her backside down on top of him, smushing his thin frame into the floor. "Blerf!" He then winces as she slaps the padlock onto his collar. "Urg..."
Bioo: "Don't want our captive looking shabby.
Bioo: "The locker swings open to reveal...!
...several random machine and droid parts, a number of repair kits and medical supplies, an ion pistol, and a sack of cold hard cash. Ka-ching!
Bioo runs her fingers caressingly over the cash, "Ooo baby...."
Ada oohs at the repair kits. "Hey, I can definitely keep you and Rex patched up with this stash, 007..."
MP-X301: "Very nice. Any chance of adding a lamp to my chassis? Er..."
MP-X301 diverts from his question to go examine the droid parts.
Ada gives MP a bemused look.
Bioo: "Oh, and we'll need to strip of that sad excuse for a paint job you've got going on.
Ada: "Hey! I think it's a darn tootin' paint job, considering what I had to work with..."
MP-X301: "Hey, Ada painted me herself! She did a fine job!"
Rex: "PAINT JOB?"
MP: You dig around in the parts...much of the material is just spare parts, but you do find several pieces of droid armor plating, as well as a pair of expansion circuit modules.
Disconnected from chat.
Joining chat room...
Welcome to the DarkMyst IRC network! Visit our website at [Visit Link].
Started talking in trinsic on Friday 05/25/07 11:24:12 PM
Room topic is: Next game of Space Quest: Exodus, Friday, May 25th, 2007, 10PM ET - The crew FINALLY beat the bad guys and got the goods! YAY! Now on to the Big Fish.
MP: One of the parts appears to be an upgraded targeting interface; the other is a learning module, designed to improve a droid's ability to wield weapons effectively.
---SOME TIME LATER---
Having sorted out their equipment and rested for a bit, our heroes now assess their options...
MP-X301: "...Bioo, now that we've gagged Grebb, it's time to call Corona."
Bioo: "Hey, do you think you can fit in that footlocker?
MP-X301: "Me?" He eyes the locker.
MP-X301: "Yes... yes, I could."
Bioo: "Looks like we found you a carrying case then.
Ada: "Just think of it as jumping out of a cake."
MP-X301: He sighs. "Alright. After you make the call." He outfits his laser rifle arm, then. "...I'm getting tired of constantly changing arms."
MP-X301: "Rex, we have a lot of excess items that we'd like to take with us, but... we're already pretty loaded down. Is there any chance you could carry some?"
Ada: "Say, Rex. Would you mind terribly holding some of this extra stuff for us? Think of it as... an extended fetch."
Rex focuses on MP, then Ada.
Rex: "WHAT SORTS OF... STUFF?"
MP-X301 gestures at Ada to carry on.
Ada points out the medkits, repair kits, carbine rifle, armor, and short sword.
Rex: "WHY DOES REX HAVE TO CARRY THESE?"
Rex would tilt its head if it could.
Bioo looks down at his/her coat and sneers.
Bioo: "If I'm going to get any respect as a bounty hunter I'm going to need a wash.
Ada says to Rex, "Because you're so much more man... er... droidly than we are. You can carry a lot more."
MP-X301: "She's saying your a heck of a lot stronger than us, Rex."
Ada: "Droidly. Big, bad, wicked droid."
Rex: Click. "... NOTHING COMPARED TO THE FULL, DESTRUCTIVE FORCE OF AN ANGRY CRITIC!"
Ada: "Is that a 'woof'?"
MP-X301: "...is that a what?"
Ada: "A yes."
MP-X301: "Ah, gotcha. Must be a new user friendly droid interface."
Rex: "WOOF IS WOOF."
Rex: "YES IS CARBON-BASED LIFEFORM TALK."
Ada: "As I said, 007."
MP-X301: "Might as well return to MP-X301, Ada. This disguise hasn't fooled anyone yet."
Rex: "REX WILL PLAY THE PACKMULE IF REX GETS TO PLAY."
Ada: "And you've kicked the butt of any bounty hunters who've come after you. Very well."
Ada: "Oh, yes, Rex, you shall get to play."
MP-X301 floats dejectedly over to the locker and sits in it, hoverlifts off, but upright. He won't lay down until he has to.
Rex crouches down and compartments open up from the main body. "BZZZZZZZZZZZZ---zzzz---ZZZT."
Ada puts the medkits, repair kits, carbine rifle, extra armor, and short sword into Rex's compartments.
Ada: "Anyone else got some extra stuff they want to off-load? Going once, going twice..."
Grebb grunts, and glares at Bioo meaningfully.
Ada: Extra armor = Deuterium whatsit armor and Ada's tuff-weave undershirt.
Bioo thumbs and the vidcom "this thing have Yellow pages?
MP-X301: Also MP's old armor for sale.
Grebb grumbles into his gag.
MP-X301: "Grebb... you know, there's more than one reason I pulled out my rifle again. Now take back what you just said about Bioo's parentage."
- grumble grumble*
MP-X301: "...better, I think."
Bioo sees if s/he can access the Yellow pages.
Rex: "ALL STUFF IN COMPARTMENTS?"
MP-X301: "I believe so for now, Rex. Thank you."
Bioo attempts to do her research with the window.
MP-X301 begins powering down his external subsystems until finally, nothing is on but his optical and audio sensors.
Rex: "BEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEP. PLEASE WATCH HANDS AND FEET WHILE COMPARTMENTS ARE CLOSING. PLEASE KEEP YOUR ARMS AND LEGS INSIDE THE VEHICLE AT ALL TIMES. BEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEP."
Bioo: "Guh! Darn thing's not working.
Ada: "Hmm? What are you up to? Let me see it, hmm?"
Bioo humphs and stalks to the door.
Bioo: "I'm going out.
Rex closes the compartments and stands back up.
Ada goes over and studies the vidcom.
MP-X301 begins the power-up sequence again. "...oh, for heaven's sake. Bioo!"
Bioo: "I will return when my my relative slime level is less than that of a Mucussnail with a headcold.
MP-X301 crosses his arms and turns on the internal egg-timer to time Bioo's time away impatiently.
Ada: The visiphone is a direct line connection setup, programmed to only dial one specific number. As such, the controls consist entirely of a screen, speakers, and a single red button.
Ada: "So easy even an idiot can use it." Ada pauses, then says, "Er, is Bioo still in earshot?"
MP-X301: "...I hope not."
Bioo slinks out into the night in search of an all night dry cleaner or at least an upscale bordello.
---SOME MORE TIME LATER---
There is a knock at the door...
MP-X301: "...a knock? Ada, will you get that, please?" MP readies his laser rifle.
Ada pulls out her shiny new pulseray pistol, opens the door, and points it at whoever's on the other side, just in case.
Bioo: "Holy Shnit!
Bioo: "I wasn't gone THAT long.
Ada: "Heh. Sorry, Bioo, but you can never be too careful." Ada holsters the pistol and lets Bioo in.
MP-X301: "One hour, forty-two minutes and 17 seconds. 18... 19... 20... 21..."
Bioo: "Is that all?
MP-X301: "Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say. Come on, let's get this over with. Grebb's starting to make threatening noises about peeing the carpet."
Bioo: "Wow, Japannian girls really are efficient....
- Mmmph, MMMPH!*
Bioo is looking like a new Phleebhutinskian, blue skin glowing, eyes glinting, shadowy gray coat looking more gray and shadowy than ever.
MP-X301: "...I told you, as soon as we made the phone call, I'd give you a bedpan, and not before."
Rex makes random beeping noises. "REX HAS NOTHING TO DO. ACTIVATING SLEEP MODE."
Ada: "Pleasant electron firings, Rex. We'll wake you when there's more fleshies to squish."
MP-X301 shuts down again, excepting the optical and audio sensors again.
Rex merely stands there like a giant statue, except with the occasional whir or internal mechanics to show that Rex is still online.
Ada sets herself into the corner, and tries to look like a mean, pistol-wielding bounty hunter's assistant for the sake of Bioo's performance.
Bioo: "So, how's this thing work?
Ada: "Push the button, Bioo."
Bioo grabs Grebb's leash, "come here, you and start groveling"
Bioo: "Do It, Pincushion!
Bioo suddenly takes on a hard vindictive air.
Bioo: "*she gabs the button*
After a moment, the screen fizzles to life...the blazing static pattern soon resolves itself into what appears to be a loading screen, with a large Sprint logo.
"Connecting. Please wait..."
Pleasant muzak wafts from the speakers.
MP-X301: MP's microprocessors turn on the muzak filters to remove the annoyance.
Ada hums along with the muzak.
After a moment, the screen blips away, replaced by the image of a pleasant-looking blond Xenonian male in a white robe. He looks expectantly at the camera. "Yes...?"
Ada stops humming abruptly, looks embarrassed, and tries to quickly go back into badass pose mode.
Bioo: "I have something you want, Senator.
Bioo: "And I believe that you have something that I want.
The man raises his eyebrow at Bioo, then glances at the various characters behind her - the badass car mechanic, the (apparently) decapitated robot, and the massive wall of gun-toting machinery. He blinks.
"...who the hell ARE you people?"