Space Quest:Exodus/Chapter 22/Choice Quotes

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Chapter 22: MP's Big Adventure

Ascii: Attention, all Trinsic group players:

Ascii: The following is a public safety announcement.

Ascii: The first person who even THINKS about trying to pull over any jokes, pranks, blatant lies, or any other sort of Fools Day tomfoolery, will be beaten, insulted, beaten some more, then arrested by the Sequel Police and taken away for activities involving fingernails and saxaphone reeds.

Ascii: And then beaten again. And maybe a few more insults.

BLusk: This public could use a little safety.

Jeysie: Yeah, you should see what's going on in the other channel. It's a bit ugly.

Ascii: What, has your RP group finally taken up arms and staged a violent takeover?

Ascii: They all do that, sooner or later. That's why I bought these anti-personnel land mines.

Ascii: *pokes Jeysie with something not totally dissimilar to a stick*

Jeysie: A bit distracted. Gimme a sec.

Ascii: *readies the Destruct-O-Matic, in ancitipation of jumping into the other channel and initiating crowd control*

Jeysie: We're almost done.

Ascii: *Please* can I play riot squad? PLEEEEEASE?

Jeysie: Nah, we're almost done.

Ascii: Waaaaa! You're mean.

Jeysie: One player just got a critical hit on a nose flick.

Ascii: *thump* "Oh, GOD! BY NODE! AHHH, ID HURDS!"

Ascii: *bleed, bleed*

BLusk: And Jeysie didn't even allow a Flying About The Room check...

BLusk_IceCream changes nick to BLusk


BLusk: *hits Ascii with an Ice Cream Golem*

Ascii: Dude! Note to self: Steal ice cream golem idea for possible inclusion in a future Trinsic campaign.

BLusk: Too late...

Ascii: It's never too late to blatantly steal someone else's ideas and claim them as your own. I have years of experience in the field, after all.

BLusk: Indeed. But, we aren't playing trinsic, now are we? And, let's cut to the chase, Jello guns belong in SQ... Ice Cream Golems most emphatically do not.

Ascii: No, but the only difference between "ice cream golem" and "radioactive ice cream sci-fi monster" is a plot device.

BLusk: Heh... Still doesn't fit.

Ascii: What're you talking about?

BLusk: Anyway, radioactive materials would actually melt it anyway.

Ascii: This is SQ. *Anything* can and will fit, given an appropriately silly explanation.

BLusk: Well, let's see you fit in the fact that we are down to just two players. I'm looking forward to your likely-to-be-hilarious explanations for Vizz' not returning, and Jeysie's new character.

Ascii: I don't have to do anything in that regard. Vizz more or less wrote his own departure last game. He did storm off, after all.

BLusk: True.

Ascii: Which frankly, is a good thing, as it saves me the trouble of having to come up with another contrived plot device.

BLusk: True.

Ascii: If there's one thing I've learned about you guys, it's that the more plot devices I have to use, the bigger the chance that something will get screwed up. You can only rewrite reality so many times before it starts to unravel, after all.

BLusk: True.

Ascii: *weaves a few more crooked lines into the Pattern*

Ascii: Speaking of which, unless you (BLusk) waste far more time that should be humanly possible and/or do something unusually out of character, Jeysie should be making her re-emergence tonight.

Ascii: You hear that, Jeysie? Warm up your character sheet, you're off the bench and in the game.

Ascii: By the way, is HaRK coming tonight?

Jeysie: I dunno.

-> HaRK has joined sq

HaRK: Yes, I am joining the chat tonight, Jeysie.

BLusk: *throws streamers and confetti in the air above HaRK's head*

Ascii: *shoots them down* PULL!

BLusk: Not his HEAD!

HaRK: Thank you, Mr. Vice President.

Ascii: What did you say? Head? Okay! *shoots HaRK in the head*

BLusk: *casts Cure Light Birdshot Wounds*

HaRK: Ow. Good thing I've got such a hard head.

BLusk: Like solid granite.

Ascii: Birdshot? I was using a grenade launcher. *casts Summon Field Medic*

BLusk: Well, at least that's relatively easy to duck.

BLusk: ...HEE HEE!

BLusk: Duck... bird shot...

Ascii: *plays the recording of crickets chirping*

BLusk: Oh, Jeysie, have you had a chance to review my Bunny Rabbit animal?

Jeysie: You mean before or after the scroll incident and Karmillo trying to roast the Dwarf?

BLusk: I particularly want you to look at the Will Save DCs for Charm Person on that Rabit.

BLusk: *Rabbiyt

BLusk: *rabbit

Ascii: *gives BLusk a Speak-n-Spell*

HaRK: "Now spell Jesus"

BLusk: "Now spell Duck For Brains"

HaRK: "Wrong. Try again. Jesus"

BLusk: Rabbi?

BLusk: Jewish Carpenter?

HaRK: "That is incorrect. The correct spelling of "Jesus" is C-H-E-E-S-E-S."

BLusk: Ascii wearing a Tu-Tu?

Ascii: Another crack like that, and you can kiss your XP goodbye, BLusk.

BLusk: *kisses his XP goodbye*

BLusk: Ascii wearing a Mu-Mu?

HaRK: I love how the letters XP look like a smiley of a guy laughing really hard out of the side of his mouth...


BLusk: XD~

Ascii: Actually, it's a smiley of a guy sticking out his tongue and making cross-eyes.

HaRK: Oh. Alright then.

BLusk: *is ready for some RP*

Ascii: Yeah, well, you should have thought of that before the jokes at my expense.

BLusk: OK, well, I should head off to bed, then.

Jeysie: BTW, am I doing any Ah'Choo stuff tonight? Or should I use the Ada nick?

Ascii: Depends on how far you all get. But Ada comes first, at any rate.

Ascii: If Ah'Choo shows up, it will be later. Probably next session, anyway.

Jeysie: OK.

BLusk: Ada's Baggage better not be humungous...

BLusk: Ada Babbage's Baggage.

Ascii: I told Jeysie this before, but I can't use the FTP thing from this PC... all my FTP stuff is on my other comp, the one with the fried modem.

Ascii: It's not like it's huge anyway, though. I won't need the FTP access until it's time to distribute the SQ RPG full multimedia soundtrack and speech files.

Jeysie: Does anyone need last minutes?

Ascii: I need last rights. I'm done.

BLusk: Last... nevermind.

BLusk: Ascii got it.

Ascii: And I didn't even spell "rites" correctly.

Ascii: *sigh*

Ascii: "As we join our heros (er... hero?), we find Vizz dragging his captive off to collect his reward, as MP prepares to make a call to the home office in hopes of getting some answers..."

Ascii: Jeysie, can you fix that intro in the logs?

Jeysie: Would you believe that for several minutes I couldn't figure out what was wrong with it?

Ascii: Is that a trick question?

HaRK: Well, I see nothing in the Trinsic window so far.

BLusk: Um... is anything happening? *smacks his machine to try and get his quarter back*

Jeysie: I think Ascii's still typing.

Ascii: Sorry. It's a big one.

Ascii: Okay, I'm done.

BLusk: Are you planning to post it any time soon?

Ascii: Bite me, and be patient.

BLusk: Thank you, Oh Mighty and Somewhat Benevolent DM.

Ascii: The pavement of the starports' landing surfaces is cracked and neglected. At the edge of the field, it narrows into what looks like something that might once have been a street, but now resembles nothing so much as a broken, tar-covered strip of land running across the pitch-black surfaces between the many buildings.

Ascii: Oops, wrong window. *sigh*

BLusk: *waits for the Infinitely Patient to finish. Oh Mighty One*

Ascii: I'm done, smartass.

BLusk: MP-X301 follows Cobalt. "This has gotta be the bleakest city I've seen in... Well, since my date of Manufacture. Not even the Xenonian Slums looked this bad."

BLusk: I just realized that saying Birth Date would be totally OOC for a robot.

BLusk: (as MP-X301) "I wasn't even planning to get this far out here. I should be tending to old farts on a space cruiser, not chasing Sariens." He sighs electronically. "My programming didn't include Defeating Sariens For Fun and Profit, you know."

BLusk: (as MP-X301) "101 Dangerous Space Maneuvers for Ambulance Drivers, yes... Combat 101, no."

Ascii: (as Cobalt) "That's because most people don't generally meet Sariens up close and personal until they're already dead. By the time you see them, it's too late. Not much to do but put your head between your knees, and... well, I guess that doesn't apply to you, though."

Jeysie: Yes, MP still has no ass.

BLusk: Neither does he have knees!

Ascii: (as Cobalt) "Here you go. This is a tourist information kiosk; the Polysorbate Chamber of Commerce had these installed years ago to help the tourism industry along. You can ask it questions, or make a call. Just try not to get it mad."

Jeysie: Get the kiosk *mad*? I'm a bit frightened by this.

Ascii: The terminal's purple screen glows with bright letters: "INFORMATION KIOSK. Touch screen here to begin."

HaRK: (as OOC Kiosk) "Oh, nobody touches the screen like YOU do..."

BLusk: Mmmmm... MP doesn't have a sensual touch, HaRK.

HaRK: No? Not even robot/machine love in this universe? Frank Zappa would be unhappy.

Ascii: He *was* getting looks from that wall earlier...

Jeysie: It's Robot/Wall love in this universe.

Jeysie: Dammit, I need to type faster.

Ascii: Headcrab.

HaRK: OK. More of the Pink Floyd crowd, not Frank Zappa. Good to know...

BLusk: MP-X301 coughs, surprised. "Computer, I'd be greatly appreciative if you'd place a telephone call."

Ascii: Telephone?

BLusk: Comconsole call, then.

Ascii: As it says this, the screen lights up with more words: "SUBSPACE COMMUNICATION SYSTEM INITIATED. PLEASE SPECIFY RECIPIENT."

BLusk: MP-X301 instructs the console to call the Cruise Line HQ. ...nicely.

Ascii: (as Kiosk) "What!? I'm not callin' anyone for you, ya jerk!"

Ascii: The screen lights up: "CALL PLACED. STAND BY FOR TRANSMISSION..."

HaRK: (as OOC Kiosk) "Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line, and the next available representative-bot will assist you."

Jeysie: Thank you, call-center veteran Voice.

BLusk: (as OOC Kiosk) "I'm sorry, we are unable to complete your call as dialed. Please check the number and dial again, or ask the operator for assistance..."

HaRK: I was gonna start typing lyrics to "The Girl From Epinema"...

HaRK: How *IS* that spelled anyways...

Ascii: The voice goes silent, and the screen shifts to an image of a blue, multitentacled alien with a huge nasal snout wearing a white collared shirt and black necktie. "This is customer service, how may I help you?"

BLusk: (as MP-X301) "This is MP-X301, Medic Droid formerly of the Contrived Extravagance, Corporate Property Tracking Code 55293X7B2. I'm trying to get in contact with my superiors regarding a status report from this vessel. Will you patch me through?"

BLusk: Corporate Property Code... I was originally going to go with an Employee Serial Number, but being a tagged corporate asset was way funnier.

Ascii: Cheesy elevator music begins to pour through the speakers. After a few moments, the screen cuts back to what appears to be the same alien as before.

BLusk: Same alien?

Ascii: Nah, they just all look alike.

Ascii: (as Customer Service Alien) "Greetings, "Contrived Extravagance furnishing number 113962. This is upper management, what seems to be the problem?"

BLusk: ...Furnishing Number? From toaster to chair...

BLusk: I swear, all I need is a few more demotions, and my Self-Worth Circuits are going to fry.

Jeysie: BTW, what exactly is your base model, BLusk?

BLusk: Hm?

Jeysie: Like, what type of robot are you? What line?

BLusk: It's the MP-X line. The number is what number I was coming off the assembly line. The MP-X line is a programming modification of the P series Pilot Droids.

Jeysie: Ahhh, OK.

BLusk: MP for Medic/Pilot. X for eXperimental. Specifically designed for high-risk ambulance work.

Jeysie: Hmm.

BLusk: Why?

Jeysie: No reason.

BLusk: ...

BLusk: Come on... Spill the beans.

Jeysie: You'll find out sooner or later.

BLusk: *twists Jeysie's arm, nicely*

Jeysie: Sorry, I'm too tired to feel pain right now.

BLusk: Come on... spill it!

Jeysie: Besides, anything you can do to me is better than what Ascii would do to me.

BLusk: Dang...

Jeysie: Sorry, hon.

BLusk: Come on... Pleaes? *uses Puppy Dog eyes*

Ascii: *resists the urge to pet BLusk and give him a dog biscuit*

BLusk: Might as well... it's more than I usually get out of Puppy Dog eyes.

Ascii: Okay, wait a sec, then check your e-mails. I'm sending you the map file.

BLusk: *has not received a map*

Ascii: I haven't sent the mail yet.

BLusk: Ah.

Ascii: Alrighty... there wasn't room to put a legend on there, so lemme explain the icons really quick.

BLusk: Please.

Ascii: "Fork and knife" is a resturant or place to eat. "Bed" is an inn or other place to sleep. "+" is a doctor's office or hospital, or other place where you can recieve medical attention. A wrench is a workshop, parts store, or droid repair services. The shirt icon is a clothing store, and the backpack is a general store.

BLusk: OK, got the idea.

Ascii: The "!" is a place specializing in entertainment, while the mug icon indicates a place to get shnockered.

HaRK: Hey, I didn't get a map... What if *I* want to get shnockered?

HaRK: *reassures BLusk that his brain works just fine*

Ascii: Yours, or BLusk's?

BLusk: Not when I'm this tired. Nothing has gone right all day long.

HaRK: BLusk, remember that two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!

Ascii: Okay HaRK, you should have [the map] now too.


HaRK: ...and it's pink...

BLusk: Purple!

HaRK: Whatever... Fucia letters with violet background. Okay, it's purple.

BLusk: ...

BLusk: HaRK, have you gone... Um...

Ascii: Pink, purple... what matters is that it's badly drawn and none-too-informative.

HaRK: the bathroom?

BLusk: Never mind, I don't want to know anyway.

HaRK: Colorblind? No, I am not!

Jeysie: I dunno, we do argue about the differences between green and blue every so often.

HaRK: :x

HaRK: :-X

HaRK: No kisses??? Darn you, Smiley gods!!!

Jeysie: :-*


Jeysie: That's the standard kiss smiley.

HaRK: :-x

HaRK: That's the "Silence of the Lambs" smiley.

Jeysie: Yeah, that description works too.

Ascii: No frenching in the chat!

Jeysie: Ew!

Ascii: And no Hannibal. That guy really freaks me out.

Jeysie: French kisses are grody.

Ascii: To be sure, dude. Totally heinous.

BLusk: :-|=|

Ascii: What the heck is that one supposed to be?

BLusk: Just a string of funky symbols.

HaRK: Mick Jagger?

HaRK: The front man of Kiss?

Ascii: As you turn arounf, you realize that Cobalt is no longer standing behind you; indeed, he doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

HaRK: "Yoo-hoo! Cobalt!? Where did your blue robot ass go?"

BLusk: No, I'm the robot, and I have no butt.

Ascii: As you glance around, you see a small piece of neatly-folded paper on the ground near your fee--er, on the ground near you.

BLusk: (as MP-X301) "Pffft. Stupid unreliable..." He retrieves the piece of paper from the ground and examines it.

HaRK: It reads: "If you can read this, you're too close."

BLusk: "I prepared Explosive Runes this morning..."

HaRK: No, it really reads: "This was a perfectly-placed piece of debris, courtesy of the Polysorbate LX Board of Tourism. Now, you have disturbed it in its natural enviromnemt. I hope you are happy now."

HaRK: Holy cow. I've got gas.

HaRK: ...Sorry, I just felt the need to share that.

BLusk: *pumps HaRK full of Unleaded Plus*

HaRK: Are you crazy? That stuff is over $2.50 a gallon these days! Use regular...

Ascii: ...which is only $2.45 a gallon.

HaRK: MP hovers east. The sound effect: whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

HaRK: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

BLusk: Anyone care to give me some ideas?

BLusk: All alone... directionless, leadless...

HaRK: You're unleaded too?

Ascii: MP: Feeling stupider than usual, you assume your best nonchalant posture and hover near the corner of the nearby storefront, trying not to attract attention. A rather homely-looking alien resembling a bipedal elephant walks past, looks at you, snickers, then ambles away.

BLusk: Strong Sad snickered at me?

HaRK: Strong Sad?

HaRK: Oh, the elephant.

BLusk: H*R reference.

HaRK: Sorry, when it comes to references, I'm an H*R blockhead.

HaRK: Ha ha?

Jeysie: *sighs at HaRK* Level 3 Dweeb.

HaRK: I haven't advanced to level 4 yet? Darn... how many XP do I need?

Ascii: 42.

BLusk: The Answer to the Ultimate Question!

BLusk: Of Life, The Universe, and Everything!

BLusk: What in heaven's name am I supposed to do with this maladroit moddie?

Ascii: I thought Ah'Choo still had that...

BLusk: Nah, I found it.

Ascii: Oh. Well, remember the golden rule of RPG gaming: if you can't use it, sell it for gold.

HaRK: ... er... Buckazoids.

Jeysie: *reads the D&D website's April Fools' Stuff*

BLusk: My Little Pony Role Playing Game?

Jeysie: You know, considering my memories of being a little girl, if you sold that, the girls would love it.

Ascii: But then I'd have to kill them all to prevent the infection from spreading.

HaRK: No, only YOU would love [the My Little Pony RPG]...

Jeysie: Bah. I'd rather have had the Voltron RPG. ...OK, The Jem or Rainbow Brite RPG would have been cool, too.

HaRK: Voltron with Lions, or that weird 15-vehicle contraption?

Ascii: Ah yes, Voltron. A.K.A., Power Rangers, before it sucked.

Ascii: You see a short, grey fellow wearing a trench coat, fedora, and sunglasses slink around the nearby corner and hobble up to you. He speaks with a hissing, raspy voice... "Psst... hey, missster, I think you dropped thisss."

Ascii: He reaches into the depths of his coat, and pulls out an electronic notepad, which he offers to you.

BLusk: MP-X301 checks his own storage compartments for his own electronic notepad.

Ascii: MP: Your quick search turns up your own notepad, right where you left it. This one definitely isn't yours...

MP-X301: << Sense motive?

Ascii: You really ought to ask that sort of thing in [the IC channel]. And sure, make the check.

BLusk: OK, sense motive?

GameServ: BLusk rolled 1d20: 10 <Total: 10(+2) = 12>

BLusk: *sighs* That's the problem... On the one hand, I hate to turn down potential plot hooks... er, I mean, potentially saleable equipment, but on the other... I'm by myself.

HaRK: Take the parting gift. Think of it as a free sample!

BLusk: Yeah, a free sample. Yet, I know it's not my notepad. It's either a setup to steal me, or a plot hook.

Ascii: Or maybe it's your toaster warrantee.

BLusk: Hey, did someone buy my Extended Warranty? My toaster coils may still be under coverage!

Jeysie: Dude, look at it this way. Your company wants to dismantle you for spare parts. Who would steal you?

BLusk: Ironically, not even for spare parts for other droids of my line... Just random spare parts! Coffee filters here, relays there, engine parts elsewhere.

BLusk: Hey, out of warranty armed droids have got to be worth *something* to *someone*.

BLusk: Remember, just wipe the ol' memory core and replace my mind with new code, and all of a sudden *bam* I'm programming Moisture Evaporators on Tattooine!

Jeysie: Well, [MP-X301] did take out three bounty hunters almost single-handedly.

HaRK: Does he even have hands?

BLusk: I do, HaRK. And I know how to use them! And, his arms detach, so he replaces his arm with a rifle arm when he needs to shoot.

BLusk: And, suppose he needs a melee weapon... he detaches one arm, and beats you with it using the other one.

HaRK: Or, we could always throw you.

BLusk: Dang it... with both Roy and Ah'Choo out of the picture, nobody even knows about how we used me as a missile.

Jeysie: Except Cobalt. Sort of.

BLusk: Unless Roy or Cobalt start blabbing in space-ports. I'm the Killer Droid who can't get a reputation going yet, cause everyone who knows about it wouldn't tell anyone anyway!

Jeysie: *pats BLusk*

Jeysie: Too bad Jeysie the Bard isn't in the Party, BLusk, you'd be famous.

BLusk: Yeah, I'd be famous... in a technologically backwards D&D world.

Jeysie: OK, you'd be even more famous.

Jeysie: Either that or you'd get kidnapped by the Modrons.

Ascii: MP: You check the notepad, but can find nothing wrong with it. It seems to be fine... brand new, even.

BLusk: Shall I hold remarks til the end, Ascii?

Ascii: Remarks? If you've got comments, out with them.

BLusk: Well, I presume you are going to tell me more about this new notepad. What is on it, for instance.

Jeysie: I think he can't until you activate it, I bet.

BLusk: Is that what the holdup is?

Ascii: Yes, now that you reminded me. For some reason, I was waiting for a response from you, but now I realize you're waiting on ME.

Ascii: *is not on his game tonight*

HaRK: "Get on with it!"

Jeysie: Be nice to the GM.

HaRK: Why be nice to General Motors? They're laying off people like mad, and they refuse to make more fuel-efficient cars.

BLusk: Would you rather be nice to Daimler/Chrysler?

HaRK: No, screw them.

BLusk: Toyota?

HaRK: Be nice to Honda, Toyota, and all the other quality made in japan, but assembled in America manufacturers. All hail Toyota! Who still make cars that get 30+ mpg!

HaRK: How do you know when the stage is level?

HaRK: Drool comes out of both sides of the baritone's mouth.

BLusk: Hee hee!

HaRK: That's a barbershop quartet joke, ya see.

HaRK: So, how's that notepad treating you, MP?

Ascii: Like a toaster, as usual.

Ascii: You switch on the notepad. There's a message already saved to the screen, which reads "Your bounty-hunter friend send word. If you want to know about your crew, go to the Orion's Belt bar tomorrow night. Talk to the bartender, and tell him "Ken sent me." Be prepared to negotiate."

BLusk: MP-X301 pockets the notepad, electronically smiling now.

HaRK: How does a droid electronically smile?

BLusk: Electronically, of course.

HaRK: Oh, you *ARE* feeling better, aren't you?

BLusk: MP-X301 counts... "82 buckazoids... I wonder if that's enough for a room for the night, then."

HaRK: ...but you don't need to room at the inn, do you?

BLusk: I need someplace to plug in. Toasters need power, you know.

Ascii: You're a robot, what do you need a room for? Can't you just power-down in some back alley until morning? It's not like anyone would steal you.

Jeysie: He at least needs an outlet.

HaRK: Why don't you try interpretive dance or something...

BLusk: So, where am I supposed to meet Jeysie? For supposed to find her tonight, we seem to be missing that target.

Ascii: You'll get there before long. Although at this rate, she won't have much time to do anything beyond say "Hi!"

BLusk: Hey, I'm trying! It's not like I have a lot of leads, here.

HaRK: Nope, just baritones.

BLusk: Indeed. Second Tenors, eat your heart out!

HaRK: Yet another barbershop quartet joke.

BLusk: I caught it.

HaRK: I have got 647,928 of 'em.

Jeysie: Your leads spring from your character goals.

BLusk: I know.

HaRK: Does he have goals?

BLusk: Yeah, but I try to keep them quiet..

HaRK: What are his hopes and dreams? His innermost desires? What is his motivation?!?

BLusk: Hopes to be accepted for something bigger than a toaster oven on hoverlifts...

BLusk: Dreams of one day being respected.

BLusk: Desires the accolades of happy people.

HaRK: Then you have to leave this planet. There don't seem to be any happy people around.

BLusk: And wants a cool bit of hardware to help, too.

Jeysie: Surely you can achieve one or more of those goals on the planet?

HaRK: No. The store is closed.

BLusk: Well, looking for cool hardware is always good. Besides, where are the droid upgrade shops?

Ascii: You have a map.

HaRK: Wanted: Shiny, happy people for REM sleep experiment.

Ascii: You wa--er, float over to the Dew Beam Inn. The greasy glass doors slide noislessly open as you approach, leading you into the galaxy's most miserable excuse for a lobby. The carpet is worn and faded (and sports numerous questionable stains), the already-hideous wallpaper is peeling, and the furniture appears to be older than most star systems. A pudgy grey alien with a sour expression on his face sits behind the counter, his filthy clothes stained with sweat, his even filthier feet propped up on the desk in front of him as he idly watches the overhead TVs, which seem to be broadcasting the evening news.

BLusk: (as MP-X301) "What would it cost to get a droid charging station for the night, my good... fellow?"

Ascii: The alien does his best to pretend you aren't there. He clears his throat, and continues staring right past you.

BLusk: (as MP-X301) "Never mind, then..." He sighs heavily, heads back out the door, then west towards the only other wrench on the map.

BLusk: At least they acknowledged Roger's presence.

Jeysie: Sure. Roger was a janitor, which, while pretty low, is still one step up from toaster.

Ascii: The alien watches you glide out the door, then mumbles to himself. "Feh. Damned droids, and their "charging stations" and their shiny crome, and mumble mumble...if I had a buckazoid for every mumble mumble..."

Ascii: (as Alien) "mumble mumble furlined mumble..."

HaRK: Fur-lined? Are you a pimp-bot, BLusk?

BLusk: Fur-lined donut thingies.

BLusk: I could be a pimp-bot! I pimp out people who help droids with their "Special Needs".

BLusk: You know, oil changes, rack and pinion jobs... Electronic overrides...

HaRK: And lubes... and don't forget nut jobs.

BLusk: Yeah, lots of nut jobs around here.

Jeysie: Just think, BLusk, if you gather enough droids you could even start your own droid cult.

BLusk: It's my DROID ARMY!

Ascii: Feeling a bit more rejected than usual, you follow the street back to the west, As you come within sight of the information terminal, you notice the buildings around it for the first time. the building behind the terminal bears a sign reading "Doc Escobar's Family Medical Practice and Carpet Burn Clinic".

HaRK: Remember that medical center in case any of your ho's need treatment for carpet burns, Pimp-bot...

HaRK: ...if you know what I mean.

BLusk: Ho Ho's? Why would I need medical treatment for my chocolate cakes with a white frosting inside?

Ascii: Mmm, creamy filling...

HaRK: Yes, but do you know what that white frosting is?

BLusk: It's made of people!

HaRK: OH CRAP! Daylight savings! I've got to get to bed... like now.

BLusk: Yeah, tell me about it.

HaRK: I'll leave my computer on to record the "action", but I won't be at it.

BLusk: *pimps out some action for HaRK*

HaRK: Good night, potty people!

HaRK: ... er... Party people.

BLusk: Party Poopers?

HaRK: Potty poopers? That sounds like a good plan before I turn in for the night. It'll help get rid of this darned gas...

Ascii: The store directly in front of you has a large, brightly-colored sign that reads "Broken Joe's Droid Emporium". To its right, a section of wall with no windows bears a single, simple door, with a cardboard sign taped to the inside that says "Discount Lodging".

BLusk: MP-X301 enters Broken Joe's Droid Emporium.

Ascii: I'm not quite done, BLusk, hang on.

BLusk: *waits*

Ascii: Okay, I'm done. You go in. I pose now.

BLusk: *poses like the poser robot he is*

BLusk: *wishes this entire session hadn't focused entirely on him*

Ascii: Don't worry, Jeysie's about to steal the spotlight.

Jeysie: For about 10 seconds.

Ascii: MP: You push the door open (which generates an electronic chime) and head on in. Your optics are greeted by the sight of dozens upon dozens of busted, dismantled, and stripped droid bodies littering the floor at all angles. A large number of shiny new droid limbs, torsos, and other parts hang from display hooks on the walls, while a series of shelves in one corner house a myriad of older-looking bits and pieces. The whole scene reminds you of both a candy store and a morgue at the same time.

BLusk: (as MP-X301) "Whoa... I've come home..."

BLusk: *suddenly starts playing a partial message* "Help me, Obiwan Kenobe..."

Ascii: (OOC) "Yeah, looks like you've got something jammed in there real good..." *prys open one of MP's seams, and pulls out a rusty pair of legs* "Oh, THERE they are."

BLusk: If I end up with legs, I'm retroactively claiming the benefits of leggedness and reworking my sheet.

Jeysie: (as Ada) "Hello, welcome to Broken Joe's Droid Emporium, serving all your droid needs since 2386 or something along those general lines. I'm Ada Babbage, your friendly, helpful sales associate. How may I be of service, or service your droid, as the case may be."

BLusk: MP-X301 gazes about the store. "I'm in need of items that will assist me in the defeat of a ship full of sariens. However, I'm particularly looking for ancillary armor plating for my hoverdeck."

Jeysie: Ada starts slightly as she realizes what she's looking at. "Wait, you *are* the droid."

Ascii: Okay, now before you go any further... I'd like to end the session here, if possible. It's almost quitting time, and if we continue, we'll have to leave off in the middle of Ada's big intro scene.

BLusk: That's *yawn* fine by me.

Jeysie: Besides, this means I get the last word again.

Ascii: I didn't think you'd mind, BLusk.

Ascii: Jeysie, I knew you'd like that part. Heh.

BLusk: OK, Let's Good, Bad and Ugly...

Ascii: Hey, I don't even have to ask anymore. Cool.

BLusk: I liked the smart-alecky Tourist Console.

Jeysie: Oh, yes, that was a riot.

Ascii: (as OOC Console) "Funny!? You think I'm FUNNY!?"

BLusk: Losing Ol' Cobalt was a surprise. And, clearly just saving Cobalt's life isn't enough to reduce his animosity. Of course, that'd be letting himself go pretty cheap...

Jeysie: And don't feel bad about being the sole focus, BLusk. I got more than enough of a dose of RP this week to tide me anyway. Hoo.

Ascii: Good to know we're easily replacable.

Jeysie: Hardly.

BLusk: Being on the opposite side of the table changes the perspective, doesn't it?

Jeysie: A little. Now I have an even better idea of how you felt when SIdent attacked Prull.

BLusk: Yeah, I thought you might have that feeling.

Jeysie: Although, TBH, I personally don't mind... if the PCs want to RP beating on each other, I'll GM it as long as it's funny. But I do suspect it's going to wear thin on the others, so I'm announcing a moratorium on actual conflict next time. Though perhaps the Headmaster's decree will help... or at least make the fighting more sneaky.

BLusk: In party fighting should be limited to stunning insults.

Ascii: You think THAT's bad? How do you think I felt when MP got his hands on a freakin' starship!?

BLusk: Remember the whole bit about Time Machines, Ascii? First session of your game, as I recall, OOC stuff.

Ascii: Sure I remember it. I was particularly impressed by my own wit in that instance.

BLusk: Yes, Ascii, you usually are.

Ascii: Hey, someone has to be.

BLusk: BTW, may I have XP so that I might verily terminate my OpenOffice spreadsheet?

Ascii: BLusk, you get 300xp, for being such a good sport about your turn in the barrel.

Ascii: Jeysie, you get 50xp, for... er, showing up.

BLusk: Thank you, Oh Benevolent 1.

Jeysie: What you meant to say is that I get 50XP for getting the last word again.

HaRK: What do I get?

Jeysie: Harrison's pissed at Cartoon Central pulling an April Fools' prank.

HaRK: F----ing adult swim...

Ascii: What!? What did they do to Adult Swim!? @_@

HaRK: They put fart noises in the episodes that I was videotaping. And they're not going to re-run them next week without the bowel movements.

Ascii: ...HA HA HA!

Jeysie: HaRK's not amused. Though he refrained from calling you Aschockle again; he just grumbled off to bed instead.

Ascii: I'm sorry about his taping, but that's still the funniest TV gag I've heard of in years. Tell him I was laughing at the farts, and not his TIVO misfortunes.

BLusk: I take it, by the way, that even in a droid repair shop, having a droid come in under it's own power is unusual enough to merit surprise.

Jeysie: I have no idea... I just thought it would be mildly amusing.

Ascii: Wait till you meet the owner, BLusk.

Jeysie: Oh, I just remembered. You're not going to believe what the Cleric decided to be phobic of.

Ascii: ?

Jeysie: Decided that she's phobic of spiders. What is it with Clerics and spiders?

Ascii: I can imagine so. It's a very common, uncreative fear. *changes Ascii's phobia to "fear of commitment" or maybe "fear of being found out to secretly be a big-hearted softie"*

Jeysie: Well... the Dwarf Barbarian is phobic of pink bunnies...

Jeysie: So now I obviously need to have a Pink Bunny as an enemy NPC.


Jeysie: I thought of that, but the players are a little low-level for that.

Ascii: Or maybe have a giant bunny monster the size of an Orc. Except it's not ACTUALLY a monster, it's just a really big rabbit. But they *think* it's a monster with monster powers.

Jeysie: Though, now that I think of it, I could have lots of semi-harmless Pink Bunnies as NPCs, and the other players keep making fun of the Barbarian until the day they meet up with a vorpal bunny. *smiles evilly and basks in the thought*

Ascii: Ooh, I've got it. You could have a town being "terrorized" by a giant-sized pink bunny that's absolutely harmless, but all the townsfolk are morons and believe that it's a horrible monster. The PCs are sent to slay it, then when they find it, they're all like "What the hell? THIS is the monster?" while the barbarian cowers in fear.

Ascii: Then the bunny starts breathing flames at them...

Ascii: They finally defeat the monster bunny, and the barbarian is validated.

Jeysie: Ascii, you kick so much ass. Damn, I can't fit that into the current scenario, but I could so do that down the road.

Ascii: Well, feel free to take notes.

Ascii: Hey, I may not be able to personally help out, what with the irrational emotions and all, but if you ever need a plot idea or a plot device, let me know. I've got plenty of warped ideas where that one came from.

Ascii: "Merciless absurdity" is my motto.

Ascii: Hey, if you can tame these guys, you should be in good shape when you run your Trinsic game with us *mildly* sane players. Speaking of which... how is that game going to play out, now that Vizz is gone? I still kinda want to rescue Jeysie the Bard.

Jeysie: It'll still play, but I'll likely drop Jeysie altogether and bring your Cleric in from a different angle.

Ascii: C'mon, is there some reason I can't be heroic by myself?

Jeysie: You'll still get to be heroic. You just won't be rescuing Jeysie specifically.

Ascii: But you're robbing me of the joy of getting a sense of revenge and self-satisfaction of having pulled her ass out of the sling, then gloating about it! I was looking forward to that.

Jeysie: Well, I'll see what I can do. But it's hard to have Jeysie in the picture without Vizz being in the picture.

Ascii: Why is that?

Jeysie: Well, I have to dream up some reason that Vizz isn't going to help rescue her.

Ascii: That's easy. I can think of two options right now.

Ascii: One: He's dead. Two: He's off in some foreign land, doing some important quest to discover his true self, or help his people, or something. And doesn't know you've been captured.

Ascii: And now Ascii has to rescue her before Vizz finds out he let her get snatched, or else he'll beat the tar out of the poor cleric when he comes back.

Jeysie: Yeah, but I have to concoct something for both. Far easier just to assume that Vizz and Jeysie are off doing... erm, whatever scary things that Half-Orc and Human couples do that sane people shouldn't ask, and you get pegged for a new heroic task.

Ascii: Aww.

Jeysie: Well, I have a hard enough time dreaming up one adventure without dreaming up what Vizz is supposed to be doing too.

Ascii: You don't have to. He's just "off somewhere" doing something important. You don't have to explain how or where or why.

Jeysie: *sigh*

Ascii: Well, all I can say is that I'm going to be rather bummed if Ascii ends up being the only Trinsic character who survives past the initial campaign.

Jeysie: Well, it also leaves out the question of mismatched XP and everything. Namely, the fact that by time the adventure's over you'll be 2 or 3 levels higher than she is.

Ascii: So, you're planning instead to just kill her off, too?

Jeysie: No, I was planning to not have her be in danger at all now that Vizz is gone and go with a slightly different angle.

Ascii: So, basically, Jeysie and Vizz have run off together somewhere?

Jeysie: T'would be the easiest solution.

Ascii: So... SI's dead, Corrine's left the group, and Vizz and Jeysie have eloped.

Ascii: So, basically, Ascii the cleric, who has abandonment issues, has been abandoned by his friends.

Ascii: At any rate, all I can say is... if you do have Vizz and Jeysie run off and leave Ascii all alone, he's going to be a more than just a little bitter about it. If you go that route, you can expect a considerable shift in his personality and roleplay when it comes time for "heroics".

Ascii: And like I said, it'll take something pretty important on a personal level to motivate him at that point. "Saving the world" may not be enough.

Ascii: We WILL be saving the world, right?

Jeysie: Well, saving the world's entertainment, anyway.

Ascii: Instead of sewer spelunking?

Jeysie: Much to BLusk's dismay, there will be no sewer spelunking.

Ascii: *does a happy, sh*t-free dance*

Jeysie: So, about this Cobalt and droids thing.

Ascii: Oh, right, that. Sorry, I can't answer that.

Jeysie: Why not?

Ascii: I can't answer that either.

Jeysie: Wait, is it for the same reason you couldn't tell us why Captain Richards was captaining a bunch of rejects when he wasn't a reject himself?

Ascii: Er, no.

Ascii: THAT one I have no answer for.

Jeysie: Oh.

Ascii: Next week, Ada gets her chance to expose her... backstory. After that's over and done with, I'm planning to do that cutscene I had planned.

Jeysie: So that means I actually need to come up with one.

Ascii: Yes, if you haven't given her story implants yet, now is the time.

Jeysie: Drat.

Jeysie: I've been waiting for inspiration to strike. Unfortunately my AC must be too high.

Ascii: Go sit on the toilet. It works for me.

Jeysie: I need to take more showers. Or spent more time on the bus.

Ascii: I usually have my best ideas either in the bathroom, or when I'm daydreaming inappropriate thoughts.

Ascii: Either way, it's the filth that does the job.

Jeysie: I tend to have most of my ideas when I'm bored.

Ascii: Well then, spend tomorrow lying in bed all day, awake.

Jeysie: Nah, that's not really boring. I tend to be distracted by sleeping.

Ascii: AWAKE.

Jeysie: Yeah, but I can't lay in bed awake without getting fidgety.

Ascii: Okay then, spend all day tomorrow talking to me in here.

Jeysie: Sheesh, that's not boring either.

Ascii: Blah blah blah...

Ascii: Dammit Liza, don'tcha know your own reflection?

Ascii: HAR HAR!

Jeysie: ?

Ascii: ...and so on, and so forth.

Ascii: Larry joke.

Jeysie: Oh.

Ascii: They're making fun of a certain comedy phenomenon. That is, there are certain jokes that are so well-known, that all you have to hear is the punchline, and you'll laugh.

Jeysie: Ah.

Ascii: In Larry 1, there's a guy in the bar who does what I just did, with random punchlines.

Ascii: MAD Magazine did an article about it once, and listed their favorites.

Ascii: Here, lemme try another one.

Ascii: Blah blah blah...

Ascii: stupid horse! I said POSSE!

Ascii: HAR HAR!

Jeysie: Whelp, there goes Daylight Savings. I can hardly stand the excitement.

Ascii: Yep. I just wasted a whole hour explaining that joke bit to you.

Jeysie: It's now suddenly an hour later, which means I get an hour less sleep now. Remind me again why DST is a good idea?

Ascii: Because you get that hour back in the fall, and you'll be grateful for it then.

Jeysie: Oh, and I have to change all the damn clocks later today. *gets bitter and annoyed*

Ascii: It's some moron's misguided attempt to keep the sun from going down "too early". I'm particularly annoyed. I wake up so early, I hardly get to see the sun before I get to work. It's been past sunrise when I've been waking up and getting ready the past couple of weeks...

Ascii: ...and now I'll be waking up in the dark again. Dammit.

Jeysie: Meh.

Ascii: And yes, the clocks are a pain in the ass too. At least my computers are smart enough to do it themselves.

Ascii: Heh. I do need to go, though. I just lost an hour of sleep, and besides, Alex is already asleep in the bed. On the side *away* from the wall.

Ascii: Now I get to try and climb over her to get to the empty side without waking her up.

Ascii: *equips his climbing gear and rappels down from the ceiling over his bed, M:I style*

Ascii: Well, time to go. 'Night, Jeysie. And remember...

Ascii: ...if you do have Jeysie and Vizz run off, you'd better make sure they run far, FAR away, because if Ascii ever catches up to them, he's going to smash their skulls in with his +1 mace.

Jeysie: (chuckle)

Ascii: (And that's not a joke.)

Jeysie: I know, that's why it's funny.