Princesses:Amazon Brigade/Chapter 09

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Note: This log is still in IRC format, and may be awkward to read as a result.

Chapter #9: Woodland Chainsaw Massacre

<Capn_Ascii> As we join our heroines, we find them debating whether Frank or Chuck is more annoying. Oh, and trying to save one of them, or something. I kind of stopped paying attention for a while there.

  • Selphie seems to be humming to herself, "If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise. If you go down in the woods today, you'd better go in disguise."
  • Andrea presses onward, into the dark of night, ready to take on all challengers!

<Andrea> Andrea blinks at Selphie. "Are you saying we should transform? Seems a bit unnecessary."

<Selphie> "That's what I was thinking, yes. I mean, forearmed is forewarned, right?"

<Capn_Ascii> Against the priest's warning and all logic, you head into the dark woods at night where a known slayer of humans is said to lurk. I hope you know what you're doing.

<Selphie> "It's not as if any officials will notice us being supercharged, but it means if we get jumped, well, we'll be slightly more ready."

<Andrea> "I don't like transforming unless I really need the brainpower boost or we're about to fight. ...but we might be about to fight, so you may have a point."

<Capn_Ascii> You blunder through the woods like a pack of noisy humans, scaring away the nocturnal wildlife and generally making a nuisance of yourselves.

<Capn_Ascii> You could swear you feel something watching you. Then again, maybe you're just paranoid...

  • Andrea flicks her phonelight around, looking for anything suspicious

<Selphie> "I feel like something is watching me. Or maybe I'm just being paranormal."

<Andrea> "I feel it too. Hence my looking around."

<Jenny> "We're all paranormal," Jenny mutters, grinning.

  • Selphie giggles.

<Capn_Ascii> Andrea: The light does little to pierce the darkness beyond the nearby trees.

<Suyana> "This is worse than the streets at midnight..."

<Selphie> "At least here, we can't get run over."

<Suyana> "That depends on how big the beastie is."

<Selphie> "Ah."

<Capn_Ascii> As you proceed, you come across a rather odd sight - what looks like an old farm truck is sitting here in the woods, its front grill dented against a particularly large tree. There's a pair of feet sticking out from under it.

  • Suyana goes over to examine the pair of feet
  • Andrea tries to see if it looks like the feet are attached, and to someone who's there of their own accord, or if there's a disaster here.

<Jenny> "Andre?" Jenny asks, guessing.

<Andrea> "Chuck?" Andrea tries.

  • Selphie checks if they are two left feet, or a left and a right foot - one of each.

<Capn_Ascii> "Lana." The feet wiggle a bit. "And, I'd appreciate some help here, if you don't mind."

<Selphie> "It's dark." Selphie adds helpfully, not sure Lana had noticed.

<Andrea> "What seems to be problem?"

<Andrea> "I mean, beyond the obvious."

<Selphie> "Are you dead?"

<Andrea> Andrea gently slaps Selphie. "That's rude."

<Capn_Ascii> "The problem is that there's a truck sitting on top of me. And yes, it is dark under here, that's why I'd like to get out." There's a pause. "...dead? Of course not. Dead people don't talk, that's ridiculous."

  • Jenny attempts to lift the truck so the others can pull her out.

<Selphie> "I'm glad that despite a truck sitting ontop of you in the dark, you are /not/ dead." Selphie is relieved that at least something makes sense out here.

  • Andrea gets ready to pull Lana out when the truck is free.
  • Selphie thinks tactically about the situation, suspecting the focus of attention might be a distraction in a trap. She stares out into the darkness for early warning of something taking advantage of people's backs being turned to the woods.

<Capn_Ascii> Jenny: You grab the bumper and lift, but the truck is surprisingly heavy. You're only able to lift it a little bit - you're not sure if it will be enough to get the job done.

  • Andrea tries to pull Lana out anyway

<Capn_Ascii> Selphie: Okay, *you* are definitely paranoid.

  • Selphie confirms that prognosis.

<Capn_Ascii> Andrea: You flex your mighty geek muscles and yank Lana out from under the truck. Oh, no, you're too late - she's already dead! ...that doesn't stop her from standing up and dusting herself off. "Whew. Thanks." She's got her hair pulled back in a ponytail and is wearing overalls, giving her a rather farmer-y look.

<Andrea> " much as Selphie's question was rude... you look pretty dead to me."

<Suyana> "Yeah. How long were you under there?"

<Capn_Ascii> "A couple of weeks. No biggie." She sighs. "Yeah, I'm dead, but we're not supposed to tell anyone. But I sure wasn't about to sit there and pass up a chance for help."

<Jenny> "Well," Jenny says, slapping Lana on the back. "Wanna come find some dead friends?"

<Selphie> "How did you come to be lying on the ground with a truck sitting ontop of you with its fender bent around a large tree?" There's a story to this that Selphie'd like to hear.

<Capn_Ascii> "Beats me! I was out for a walk when some asshat came driving through the woods and ran me over! I got caught under the truck and apparantly made him crash into the tree. Been stuck there ever since - couldn't lift it off of me. He jumped out and ran - must not have realized I was down there."

<Selphie> "Well, that's the last time I say, 'At least here, we can't get run over.' while out walking in the woods!"

  • Jenny nods. "That's like saying 'It couldn't get any worse' in a horror movie."

<Andrea> "We have not, in fact, established that this is not horror. Please refrain from such commentary, even in quotation, Jenny."

<Selphie> "Some politician might start a War On Horror if they're particularly incompetent at English."

<Capn_Ascii> "Dunno where he went, but if he's wandering around out here on foot, he's probably eaten by now."

<Capn_Ascii> "Anywho, thanks for the help! Anything I can do to repay the favor?"

<Selphie> Thinking through Lana's predicament, Selphie enquires, "So if you weren't able to call for help for two weeks, was that because your phone's battery was flat? Or maybe because the phone itself was flattened?"

<Andrea> "Well, uh... we were looking for Frank."

<Selphie> "And phoning him we didn't get an answer."

<Capn_Ascii> "I think I dropped my phone somewhere along the line - it wasn't in my pocket after the crash."

<Capn_Ascii> "Really? Well, I'd tell you where he is, but y'know. Stuck in the woods for two weeks and all. You probably know more about where he is now than I do."

<Andrea> "Yeah. I've got a tracer on his phone now. Want to join us?"

  • Selphie thinks under normal conditions, one can be pretty confident someone who's dead is likely in the same place they were two weeks ago. But admits that that's not so applicable in this situation.
  • Selphie hops into the cab of the truck and sees if she can fire it up into life. Or, if it's a zombie truck, into animated undeath.

<Capn_Ascii> Lana shrugs. "Sure, why not? It's not like we have much else to do these days."

<Capn_Ascii> Selphie: The truck refuses to turn over. Presumably, the fact that the engine compartment has been crumpled inward like a tin can is partly responsible.

  • Selphie disembarks and runs a quick Investigation on the damage, assessing whether she can get it up and running again with her Crafts ability.

<Capn_Ascii> Selphie: Well, there's your problem right there! Someone's gone and shoved a tree into a perfectly good engine block. It'll be pretty tricky to fix this without spare parts...

<Capn_Ascii> Selphie: It's no good - this thing needs parts you just can't come up with in the middle of nowhere. Although...hmm. Maybe you could *remove* some parts and take them with you?

  • Selphie pats the truck apologetically and leaves its carcass in peace. Maybe it will be zombified in the future, but if she needs parts, she can get them from any of the other vehicles in town. Or her workshop back home. Onwards!

<Selphie> "Well, this truck is so dead it won't talk. Let's go find our pals."

  • Jenny continues with Selphie.
  • Andrea gets back on the path to look for Frank

<Capn_Ascii> You continue through the woods, following the map. Sure enough, eventually you come across a steep cliff rising up at the edge of the woods, preventing further travel. There's a wooden shack here, looking not too dissimilar to Andre's graveyard hovel.

<Jenny> "Frank? Chuck?" Jenny calls out.

<Capn_Ascii> There's no answer.

<Jenny> "Transform now?" Jenny asks the others.

<Andrea> "...I think so," Andrea replies. "Do we agree?" she asks her party members.

<Suyana> "Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if something happened soon."

<Andrea> Andrea nods and hums to herself. She transforms, sinking into a deeper sense of concentration as her mind begins to accelerate.

<Andrea> Andrea starts to sparkle! Pretty sapphires and diamonds appear all over her clothing! Her shield appears on her left arm! Yay sparkle!

<Selphie> "Sounds good to me." Selphie summons to mind SuperTed's secret magic word, whispers it silently, and immediately begins to channel the power of Michelangelo.

  • Jenny reaches for her magic chainsaw. The glittery one.
  • Suyana channels the power of glitter to become slightly taller, and even more adorable
  • Selphie observes Lana's reaction. Bet witnessing /that/ wasn't on her Top Ten Things To Do Before You Die.

<Capn_Ascii> Sparkles and rainbows and unicorns and other things like that there flash around you all as you transform into your powered up states.

<Capn_Ascii> Lana claps her hands together and oohs. "Oh, wow! You guys are princesses too!?"

<Jenny> "Too?"

<Selphie> "Guys?"

<Andrea> Andrea simply raises an eyebrow, withholding obvious commentary for now.

  • Jenny looks expectantly at the dead girl, eager to see what a transformed undead princess looks like.

<Selphie> "I wasn't sure if you said 'guys' or 'guise'" Selphie begins humming again, "If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise. If you go down in the woods today, you'd better go in disguise."

  • Andrea resists the temptation to grit her teeth.

<Capn_Ascii> Lana nods. "My older sister was a princess, way back when."

<Capn_Ascii> She looks around. "So you guys must be here to do something heroic. Ooh! Are you gonna kick the Thing's butt?"

<Andrea> "The goal is still to gather information."

<Jenny> "Probably," Jenny says, hefting the chainsaw.

<Capn_Ascii> "Sweet! So, what're you doing out here at the shack, then?"

  • Jenny opens the door to the shack and looks in.

<Andrea> "Frank said Chuck was supposed to be here."

<Capn_Ascii> Jenny: The shack is locked, naturally. Heaven forbid an ominous shed in the middle of the woods at night be unlocked for your looting pleasure.

<Jenny> "I believe one of you is up," Jenny says, stepping back from the door.

<Andrea> Andrea nods and gets to work on the lock with her lockpicking tools.

  • Selphie asks, "Lana have you seen a cylinder with five spokes radiating from it, about yay big?"

<Capn_Ascii> "Not lately, but Andre used to have something like that."

<Capn_Ascii> Andrea: You stare hard at the lock, yet it inexplicably fails to open by itself. Weird.

<Andrea> Andrea sighs. "Anyone else want to try this?"

<Andrea> She then turns to Lana. "So, you know Andre?"

  • Jenny looks to see if the door is made out of wood.

<Capn_Ascii> "I did, before I died. I only saw him a little after he dug us all up; then he just sort of disappeared."

<Capn_Ascii> Jenny: It's not just the door; the entire *shed* is made of wood. You can feel the corner of your mouth twitching upward...

  • Jenny grins and says, "Step aside, ladies." She aims the chainsaw for the handle of the door and turns it on.

<Andrea> "Oh... oh no," Andrea gasps, taking several steps back. "This can't end well."

<Capn_Ascii> The inside of the shed is dark and quiet...until the tip of a roaring chainsaw blade rips into the door from the outside. It carves a long gash halfway down the door, before Jenny withdraws it and presses her face up against the opening. "Heeeere's Jenny!"

<Capn_Ascii> She then resumes ripping the door apart, until little more than splinters and orphaned hinges occupy the doorframe.

<Capn_Ascii> "Gwaaaar..."

<Capn_Ascii> From somewhere out in the woods, you hear a distant, inhuman growl. It sounds liks it's quite a ways off.

<Jenny> "Lockpicking isn't really my thing," Jenny comments.

<Andrea> "I cannot deny that it was more successful than myself."

  • Jenny looks inside the shed.

<Capn_Ascii> Jenny: Lockpicking is totally your thing. They'll be picking up bits of lock for days.

  • Selphie investigates the button inside the shoebox under the bed inside the shed.
  • Andrea looks in the shed as well, flashing her light

<Capn_Ascii> Jenny: My god, it's full! Shovels, rakes, picks, hoes...just about anything you'd ever need on a farm is out here. There's also a large automotive tool chest, alongside a small spare tire and a cardboard box of random scrap and spare parts.

<Jenny> "Any sign of where Frank or Chuckie went, O Cluemaster?" Jenny asks Andrea.

  • Selphie looks for FrankChuck in the cardboard box of random scrap and spare parts.

<Andrea> Andrea slowly shakes her head, but searches the room in more detail

<Capn_Ascii> Selphie: Nope, no zombies in here. Hmm, maybe you should check again, just to make sure.

  • Suyana joins the others in searching the shed

<Selphie> "Well, last time we encountered FrankChuck we found them hiding inside a sarcophagus. I wonder if they're hiding in the large automative tool chest and managed to lock the shed from the outside with... umm... magic?" Selphie flips open the lid of the toolchest expecting to find only oh-so-familiar tools within it.

<Capn_Ascii> Selphie: Nothing in here but more tools. This stuff would be more interesting if you didn't already have most of them back on the ship.

<Capn_Ascii> Suyana: You're about to go digging through the Box O' Parts when the spare tire catches your eye. It's small, the sort of thing you'd see on a wheelbarrow...but instead of a solid rim, this one has spokes like a car tire. Hmm...

  • Suyana points it out. "Hey, look at that spare tire! Hmm..."
  • Andrea looks closer at the tire

<Capn_Ascii> Andrea: Five spokes. HMMMM.

<Andrea> Andrea sighs and tries to see if the tire will fit as she hopes.

<Capn_Ascii> Andrea: It would seem you've found the other piece of your missing key. Andre has apparantly disguised this one just like the last - cleverly fitting it into the tire's rim and painting over it. You produce the rod and quickly realize that it fits perfectly.

<Andrea> "Okay, this is taken care of," Andrea smiles, but doesn't attach them, as she still needs to store this in her bag, after all. She does so. "We still need to, probably, go rescue Frank, at least. He's still up the cliff somewhere."

<Capn_Ascii> "Uh oh. You don't think he wandered into the bear cave, do you?"

<Andrea> "He said he was outside it."

<Andrea> "But if we need to take down a bear... then we need to take down a bear."

<Capn_Ascii> ---END SESSION---