Chaotic Crew:Campaign/Chapter 08
Ascii scrolls the Chaotic Crew logo onscreen, as the Sierra fanfare plays.
"As we join our heroes, we find (some of) them trying to figure out what the hell an "elevator" is..."
Credance: "It's right over here, guys.
Reginar follows Credence over to the elevator.
Eleihoff wanders after the two of them. "Elevator?"
Reginar: "Whatcha got here, lassie?"
Credance: "We want to elevate, right?
Wolfgang follows the group, staring at the device and frowning.
Wolfgang: The device stares back at you, emotionless.
Credance pushes the "up" button.
Credance: The button lights up...after a few moments, a soft "ding!" echoes through the empty foyer. One of the nearby doors yawns open, a tiny, well-lit room beyond it.
Eleihoff walks over, peeking into the room before entering it.
Credance steps in.
Reginar follows Credence into the elevator.
The room is very small, no bigger than a generously-sized closet. A trio of numbered buttons lines a panel next to the door, with a pair of smaller red buttons beneath them.
Reginar: "Well, better get in here, laddie."
Credance examines the buttons.
Wolfgang: "Huh-what? Oh." Wolfgang steps inside. "...and why are we in a broom closet? I'm not a janitor."
Eleihoff stares at the buttons, entranced. "Ooooo..."
Reginar: "Never met a broom closet that had buttons."
Credance: "There aren't any brooms in here.
Credance: Three of the buttons are marked, oddly enough, "1", "2", and "3". The other two bear the words "Open" and "Emergency".
Reginar: "Well, the door is already open, and this isn't an emergency, so..."
Credance pushes "2"
Wolfgang: "No, but there's no place to hang a coat, so it's not a coat closet. My guess is it's a janitor's closet."
*Ding!* suddenly, the doors close, trapping the Party inside!
Eleihoff: "I don't know of many janitor's closets that go 'ding'."
Wolfgang: "No, but I know plenty of ding-a-lings."
Just as suddenly, a strange, magical force exerts itself on everyone! Everyone struggles to remain on their feet, as their bodies and gear suddenly seem much heavier!
Reginar: "It's a moving closet!"
Credance: "Huh, I had you pegged as more of a Lady's man...
Wolfgang glances at Credance with a puzzled look on his face, but shrugs.
Just as suddenly as the previous two suddenlies, gravity returns to normal. This is followed by a fourth suddenly, as the door opens with a soft hiss.
Reginar peeks around the side of the door warily.
Eleihoff: "Don't know many doors that hiss, either."
Wolfgang looks at the device.
Reginar: The doorway opens into the main intersection of a three-way, T-shaped hallway. Each branch of the hall has a pair of solid wood doorways, none of which are marked.
Wolfgang: The arrow is pointing forward and to the left, and slightly upward.
Reginar: "Hmm. Looks like the closet took us to a different place."
Eleihoff: "Excellent. Let's go find whatever we were supposed to find."
Wolfgang heads forward, following the arrow.
Reginar follows the laddie... er... Wolfgang.
Credance follows the following.
Eleihoff follows the follower of the following.
Ascii follows too. Oh, wait, no he doesn't.
Wolfgang: The arrow leads down the left-hand hallway, and to the unmarked door on the far end. There's no telling what lies behind the door...dare you open it and see?
Wolfgang: "Through that door, apparently." Wolfgang opens the door and looks.
Yes, you dare! You open the door, and find...a rather drab-looking office. A pair of "wood" (particleboard) desks sit facing each other to either side of the room; black leather executive chairs are pulled up to them. Each desk bears a large green desk blotter, and a few various knick-knacks. A row of filing cabinets line the far wall, while a potted plant sits in the corner.
Wolfgang glances around, then steps inside, trying to watch the arrow to determine what it is pointing at.
Eleihoff saunters in, then decides to sit on one of the chairs, checking to see if it has those little wheels.
Reginar walks in and pokes around in the file cabinets.
Credance steals a stapler.
Eleihoff: You sit down the right hand desk's chair, kicking back and putting your feet up on the desk. Ahh, this is the life...sitting around all day, "leading" subordinates into doing all your work for you...getting paid for delaying decisions and wasting resources...doing...other stuff...and...and...uuhhhh.......*drool*
Eleihoff is quickly reduced to a helpless catatonic state, drooling openly on the desk.
Wolfgang: You wave the device around a bit...the arrows turns sharply, indicating that the portal key is very close by. Before long, you realize that it seems to be pointing to the left-hand desk...specifically, to an object on its surface: Some sort of metal frame with a quintet of chrome pendulums suspended from it, side-by-side.
Credance pokes at Elei.
Wolfgang approaches the pendulum device, and slowly rotates the device around it, making sure it is pointing at that specific item. He reaches forward and pulls on of the side balls out, and lets it go.
Reginar: You open a drawer at random, and shuffle through it. All the paperwork seems to be missing...instead, the drawer is full of random office supplies and useless junk. You toss a few random items over your shoulder, until you find an expensive-looking fountain pen near the bottom of the drawer.
It's a very nice pen, that's for sure. In fact, it seems a bit... odd, though you can't quite tell why. You know enough to know that it does something beyond being a normal fancy pen. What it does is a mystery.
Credance: As you poke at Eleihoff, a stapler flies over your head from Reginar's direction, landing on the desk. You pocket it.
Credance: Eleihoff doesn't respond; he simply sits there, drooling and mumbling something about "synergies".
Wolfgang doesn't notice the difference.
Reginar takes the pen. As he closes the drawer, he notices Eleihoff's drooling state. "Och, lad!" He goes over and hauls Eleihoff out of the chair.
Credance: "Hey! don't move him.
Credance: "I need to figure out what's wrong with him and whether or not I can dominate it.
Reginar: "What? But lassie..." Reginar lays him out on the floor, then looks puzzled/sheepish.
Eleihoff: Mr. Owl hovers around Eleihoff, occasionally hooting at him.
Wolfgang: Ignoring the apparent commotion over your teammate, and his potentially dire affliction, you play with the executive toy. *clack, clack, clack* Amazing...the balls on the ends are swinging, while the ones in the middle are perfectly still. Incredible!
Wolfgang: After this discovery, you check with the device..the arrow is indeed pointing at the toy.
Reginar erases Reginar's poses regards Elei.
Reginar takes the pen, and examines it with interest.
Wolfgang takes the device and looks up. "...what in heavens name is going on with Eleihoff?"
Credance looks up from her examination,
Credance: "Oh nothing major. in fact he's already feeling better.
Reginar looks over as well. "Oh, the poor lad! Are you sure he's all right?"
Eleihoff has stopped drooling, although he still looks stupefied.
Wolfgang: "Um... I don't think so, Credance."
Credance: "Why, with a little help from the gods I think he could do a little Ballet...
Credance wiggles her fingers and stuff.
Reginar: "Uh... lassie...?"
Eleihoff blinks...suddenly, he leaps up from the floor, and strikes a ballet pose. He proceeds to dance around the room on his tip-toes, spinning and prancing with abandon.
Wolfgang: "Credance! Did you... hypnotize him?"
Credance: "It's not like I'm a Wizard.
Several seconds later, he suddenly stops, his mind back to normal.
Reginar sets his hands on his hips. "Now, Credence, this isn't an appropriate way to treat the troops. Besides, that's a really awful-looking pirouette. He doesn't have the legs for it."
Credance: "I'll grant you the last part.
Wolfgang smacks his head into the desk, then puts the new portal key away in his pack.
Reginar: "No more hypnotizing the troops, Credence."
Credance: "And look, he's all better now.
Eleihoff adjusts his glasses and stands back up. "Hypnotize? Hmm?"
Reginar: "That's not the point, lassie."
Eleihoff looks at where he is standing. "This isn't where I fell asleep."
Credance: "Wolfgang on the other hand....
Credance: "Is that clacky thing the key?
Wolfgang: "...nothing." He shakes his head, then adds, "Got what we need, let's go." Looking at the key finding device, he pokes the requisite button and steps outside the office.
Wolfgang: The tracker switches on again...the arrow appears, now pointing off to the east.
Eleihoff: "Awww...but I haven't gotten to sit in all of the chairs!"
Reginar: "Ah, lad, you'd better not."
Credance: "It Would be fun tho.
Eleihoff: "Why not?"
Wolfgang pokes his head back in, and says, "I'm sure you'd enjoy some more ballet... besides, we're probably going to need to get a hotel room for the night."
Reginar: "Laddie, you're not helping."
Reginar goes over and gives Eleihoff a helpful nudge to suggest leaving the room. "C'mon, lad."
Eleihoff: "But...it's a large chair!"
Reginar: "Lad, trust me."
Eleihoff: "It wouldn't be the first time we wasted a bit of time..."
Reginar: "I promise to find you a large chair to go with the sombrero and bagpipes."
Eleihoff: "Will it be a large sombrero?"
Reginar: "A large yellow sombrero."
Wolfgang: Wolfgang's voice floats down the hallway, "Credance! How do you work this... this... room thing!"
Eleihoff triumphantly scoops up his owl, tickling his belly. "Excellent!" he says, then practically skips out the door.
Credance rolls her eyes and walks out into the hallway.
Reginar sighs a little and follows everyone out into the hallway.
Credance: "You just have to focus all of your attention on the place you want to go,
Credance: "Invoke the name of the elder god Rothmahar,
Credance: "And with all the courage you can summon,
Credance: "Push the down button.
Wolfgang leans against the wall and shoots her a dark look, then pushes the down button. "You could have avoided all the intervening sarcasm."
Wolfgang steps into the elevator, then observes, "Although, considering the lack of people in this building, we could probably just set up cots and sleep here for free." He grins at Credance, adding, "Not that you need any sleep."
Reginar chuckles and follows Wolfgang into the elevator.
Credance: "I prefer do do more interesting things at night.
The elevator closes behind the Party as they once again enter the not-closet.
Wolfgang puzzles over the buttons, but finally pushes "1". "Such as what?" As soon as the words exit his mouth, he looks like he wishes those words hadn't left his mouth.
Eleihoff chuckles at this, and continues cradling his little owl.
The odd feeling of gravity returns, but this time is feels as though everything weighs less than before. It soon stops, however.
Eleihoff: "What an interesting pseudo-closet."
Wolfgang looks around for a janitor's closet.
Credance: "Oh, ritual sacrifice, speaking with the denizens of the outer plains, dancing naked in the moonlight, Tai Chi...
Wolfgang: "I knew I was going to regret that question..." He chuckles, then smiles at Credance, not quite sure how much to assume is a joke, but moving on before he finds out.
Credance: "Needle point...
Reginar: "The answer was informative, however."
Reginar steps out of the elevator back into the lobby.
Credance: "They're all much less fun alone tho....
Wolfgang: Conveniently, there's a janitor's closet tucked away to the left, opposite the elevator banks. No janitor in sight...he must be off sleeping somewhere.
Eleihoff walks out into the lobby, and begins walking around the place, staring at the architecture and occasionally running his hands alongside the wall.
Reginar: "Well, if you need any help, lassie, let me know."
Wolfgang: "Yes, I'm sure that's the case. You should invite a friend or something." He heads out of the building, and climbs on the back of his horse again, glancing around to see if he can spot an inn.
Eleihoff: The building is a spectacular example of early Victorian Bleh. The walls are flat and bland, the ceiling is drab, and the floor consists mostly of boring polished black tiles.
Credance: "Odd there's no one here.....
Reginar: "Maybe it's a federal holiday."
Wolfgang: As you open the front door of the building, you're met with a spectacular view of the pseudo-suburbia...along with the sight of dozens of magenta-clad humans approaching the building you're in en masse. They seem to be marching military-style, with one of them in front of the others, bellowing marching commands.
Credance: "I'm kind of an expert on holidays.
Wolfgang: They're only a few blocks away...they don't seem to have noticed you yet, but they're clearly marching towards you.
Reginar: "Yes, but civic servants take any excuse for a day off."
Reginar: "Not necessarily just godly ones."
Credance stares at the sight in front of Wolfgang.
Eleihoff continues trying to amuse himself by staring at the architecture, but eventually gets bored with it and begins chasing around Mr. Owl.
Credance: "Perhaps we should run now?
Credance: "The other way?
Reginar notices where Credence is staring. "Maybe we should look for a back door, indeed."
Credance sprints off in pursuit of such a find.
Wolfgang grabs the reins of the horses and sprints around back.
Eleihoff: "Hmm? What's going on?"
Reginar goes over and closes the front door again, then looks around for something heavy to bar the door with.
Credance: "We're escaping with our lives.
Reginar: "The whole magenta army is coming this way.
Credance: "I think it's more of a mauve.
Eleihoff: "That IS a good reason to run."
Reginar: The lobby is bare, save for yourself and your fellow party members. Victorian Bleh, remember?
Wolfgang: Thinking quickly, you dart down the stairs, snatch up the horses (by their reins, of course; you'd look silly carrying around a bunch of horses in your arms) and carry them around to the back of the building.
Reginar locks both doors, then says, "Anyone have any glue?"
Wolfgang looks for a back door to pound on.
Eleihoff: "Does anyone have any SOVEREIGN glue? Fun stuff."
Reginar: "I'll take anything sticky."
Credance is off looking for exits and doesn't hear.
Wolfgang: The back of the building is fairly unremarkable, aside from a few windows high up in the structure. A single, red metal door sits near one of the rear corners, with a narrow vertical window built into it.
Wolfgang skids to a halt in front of the red metal door and pounds on it.
Wolfgang: He then checks to see if it's unlocked.
Credance: Your overdeveloped sense of self-preservation sending you dashing madly through the hallways, you almost miss the massive red double doors ten feet high and almost as wide, with the words "EMERGENCY EXIT" printed on them in massive white letters. Almost.
Reginar fails to find anything sticky, settles for leaving the doors locked, and joins Credence and Wolfgang in looking for alternate exits.
Credance: A single latch where the doors meet seems to be the means to open it.
Credance: "FOUND IT!
Credance looks out the window.
Wolfgang: There's no visible latch on this side of the door. It seems to be designed for one-way access, and this isn't the way.
Eleihoff follows the others, looking around either for something shiny or the exit.
Reginar goes over to Credence's voice.
Wolfgang pounds on the door again.
Credance: Window? What window? I don't see no window.
Credance: You hear a faint pounding from somewhere on the other side of the door.
Wolfgang looks in the window.
Credance ventures to open the door anyway.
Credance: You reach out and pull the door handle...as the doors slowly swing open, a loud ringing alarm sounds throughout the building. *BRIIIIIIING!* On the other side, you see a short hallway, with a smaller red door (with a window) on the other end. A red metal box with a glass front is mounted on the wall.
Wolfgang: Looking through the window, you see a short hallway, with a large set of double doors at the other end...a small red metal box is mounted on the left wall. As you watch, the bigger doors open, and Credance pokes her head through.
Eleihoff follows the source of the loud noise, trying to find the rest of his party.
Wolfgang pounds again, then waves at Credance.
Credance glances at the box.
Reginar puts his hands over his ears and winces at the loud alarm.
Credance: The box is an open-faced affair about a foot square, with a mirrored glass pane blocking the opening. White text printed on the glass reads "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS".
Credance waves her arms through the air and shouts at the top of her lungs, "SHUT UP!"
Eleihoff: "It is quite loud and annoying!" Eleihoff says, frustrated. Then he looks around for the source of the horrid noise.
Wolfgang: With a frustrated glance, Wolfgang examines the window itself in more detail.
Eleihoff: The ringing seems to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. Probably some sort of magical spell built into the building to warn everyone inside.
Wolfgang: The window is very narrow, barely wide enough to fit an arm through, but a good two feet tall. The glass is criss-crossed by reinforcing metal wire embedded in the glass pane.
Wolfgang: With a smooth motion, Wolfgang draws his weapon and brandishes it at the window.
Wolfgang: He then swings his light mace at the window, hoping to break through.
Credance: You wiggle your fingers suggestively at the nearest wall. The alarm stops.
Eleihoff finally relaxes as the harsh noise ceases.
Wolfgang: With a mighty swing, you succeed in bashing the window a good one. A spiderweb of cracks spread across its surface...a teeny tiny hole is left in the center, where one of the mace spikes broke through. Strangely, you don't hear the sound of glass shattering.
Reginar gets a rather puzzled look, and simply walks through the silence over to the door that Wolfgang is pounding on and opens it.
Wolfgang looks astonished, but glances through at Credance. In a moment, he puts two and two together. "...Oh hi, Reginar," he attempts to say.
Wolfgang: ".. .., ........"
Credance then breaks the glass.
Wolfgang points at Reginar's horse.
Reginar turns and beckons to Eleihoff, then proceeds to walk further out the door towards his horse.
Credance: Unwilling to let Wolfgang's effort go to waste, you smash your hand against what remains of the glass, causing it to break into shards and fall to the floor. Ooh, pretty.
Eleihoff saunters over to his pony and gets back on, preparing to ride away very fast.
As the Party idles at the emergency exit, they completely fail to hear the repeated pounding of the magenta-shirted soldiers bashing against the front door, trying desperately to get inside. They also don't hear the revving of chainsaws that follows.
Wolfgang motions for everyone to follow him, and swings back into his own saddle. He holds the reins of the other horses as well, waiting for the party with a jittery expression.
Reginar mounts his own horse.
Credance (rewrite): You smash your hand through the glass case. As the glass falls away, you see a small sphere the color of gold sitting in a cradle inside. A tiny copy of the Church of All Worlds insignia protrudes from the top of the sphere.
Credance grabs the sphere and sprints to her horse.
Wolfgang releases Reginar's reins, tossing them to him with a flick of his wrist, then does the same for Eleihoff's mount. He motions ever more urgently for Credance, flipping her reins to her, and waiting to make sure she makes it into her saddle.
As the Party mount their horses, the soldiers finally break through the door. They angrily storm in, yelling orders and running around in a frenzy as they try to figure out why the alarm is going off. Of course, the Party doesn't hear any of this, or even knows about it happening. So...I don't know why I'm writing it here, really. Ah, well, the viewers at home will appreciate the exposition.
Credance nudges her horse into a trot and then looks at the ball for signs of it's purpose.
Wolfgang pushes his horse over to the door and pulls out a pen, and scrawls, "This is not an exit" in bold letters across the inside surface of the door. He then shuts the door and rides off.
Reginar nudges his horse into that noble stratagem known as "running".
Wolfgang: Once they're clear of the silence, he says, "I guess we'll be spending the night outside under the stars."
As the Party breaks free of the Silence sphere, their ears are suddenly assaulted by the semi-distant sounds of alarms ringing, soldiers yelling, and chainsaws revving.
Reginar: "I think when we fix the switchboard we may need to mount a diplomatic mission to this city."
They ride on, soon returning to the seemingly endless cross-streets of the suburbs from Hell.
Wolfgang: "What do you think, Reginar, should we spend the night on the road?" Wolfgang glances behind himself, then looks at the key tracker.
Back in the building, an assault teams of magentas storm through the hallways, searching for the intruders they suspect triggered the alarm. One team breaks away down the emergency exit hallway, but stops short. "Hold on, men! They can't have gone this way." He points at the door. "See? Not an exit! They must have gone upstairs!" They dash back towards the main lobby.
Reginar: "I think I wouldn't mind putting some distance between myself and those odd citizens."
Wolfgang: east, east, east...
Eleihoff: "I'm going to miss the large, comfy chairs."
Wolfgang: "So will Credance." Wolfgang grins, and kicks his horse gently, sending him into a faster clip headed east.
Reginar: "Never mind, lad."
The Party hyaas their horses, or whatever it is they do to get them motivated, and starts riding to the east. The sun slowly sets behind them, as the rows of identical houses eventually give way to a single, paved street, which in turns soon becomes a dirt path leading out of town.
Credance: "What the.....
Credance stares up at the sky.
Reginar: "Everything all right, lassie?"
Wolfgang: "Something bothering you, Credance?" Wolfgang glances upward.
Eleihoff looks up, at the urging of his owl. "Huh?"
Reginar follows Credence's pointing.
An odd, flying shape is highlighted against the darkening sky. It seems to be flying east, at a leisurely pace.
It's waaaaaaaaaaaaaay up high.
Wolfgang: "...Is it a bird? A magic carpet?"
Wolfgang: "Stupendous Man?"
Reginar: "Whatever it is, seems to be going east same as we are."
For a moment, the shape stops...it begins circling overhead, in a wide, sweeping path. Soon, it begins to swoop down out of the sky...
Eleihoff: "Ooooo." Eleihoff says as he watches it.
Wolfgang: "I'd say... it's looking for us."
Reginar: "We should look for cover."
Eleihoff: "Maybe its friendly. Perhaps it's going to give me my demon puppy!"
Credance: "Elei, why don't you send your pet up to get a better look?
Reginar looks around for cover.
Eleihoff: "That creature might be large and mean. Mr. Owl is small and eats smaller things."
Reginar: "Come on, let's get out of sight before we find out whether it's large and mean or not."
Wolfgang looks for cover.
Reginar demonstrates by leading his horse behind a nearby tree. Horse and rider vanish out of sight.
Credance also attempts to hide behind a nearby tree. She isn't as successful, however...both her own rear end and the horse's are plainly visible sticking out from behind the tree.
Wolfgang and Reginar hide their horses behind nearby bushes, though they're still a bit more visible than they'd like to be.
Reginar: (I think you meant Eleihoff.)
Reginar facepalms behind his tree and thinks something along the lines of needing to teach the troops proper stealth techniques.
As the object draws lower, you see that it is a magic carpet - a short, squat man with a bushy moustache and turban is sitting on a flying rug, with a massive pile of random junk behind him. He brings the carpet to a parking hover a few feet from the ground, looking around curiously. "Hmm...I could have sworn I saw someone down here...aha!" He points triumphantly at the ass-end of Credance's horse protruding from behind a tree. "Hello there!"
Credance coughs and pokes her head out from behind the horse.
The man blinks, then moves his finger to point at Credance. "Hello there!" He stands up on the carpet - he looks to be no more than three feet tall, a bit rotund, but not as stout as a dwarf. "My name is Ali Chica, merchant extraordinare, at your service m'lady." He bows.
Wolfgang pokes his head out, then pulls out his talisman that finds the keys, then pokes the button a few times to see if one of the items the merchant has is one of the keys.
Credance: "A merchant, you say?
Eleihoff immediately pops out from his rather poor hiding place. "Merchant? As in goodies for sale?!"
Wolfgang: east, east, east
Credance: "As a worker for the gods, I don't as a habit have money.
The man bows again. "Yes, I am a traveling merchant, specializing in...um, "well-loved" merchandise."
Eleihoff: "As an alchemist, I do, indeed, have a habit of gathering money."
Eleihoff: "What do you have?" Eleihoff practically jumps up and down with anticipation.
Wolfgang rises from his "hiding spot", keeping his hand on his weapon and scanning the sky for signs that this is anything but what it... seemed to be.
Reginar decides that it's safe after all and emerges from his hiding spot.