Chaotic Crew:Campaign/Chapter 05
The storm rages, winds whipping wildly awound...ahem, AROUND the Party, as they struggle to fend off the slow-moving, weak, brainless zombies. ...well, maybe not struggle.
Reginar: "I'll try and take care of this one, laddie, so you can go after the more interesting zombies, eh?" Reginar moves to slice open the zombie busy flopping around on the ground.
Wolfgang: "We can both work over the zombie." He twirls the handaxe in his hand, much like he had the prior weapon. "I'm an equal opportunity zombie killer." He grins, then adds, "EVERY fighter should have a mirror in their hand during a fight."
Reginar stands over the zombie, studying it thoughtfully. He kneels down and stabs his dagger into the small of its back, then withdraws it and watches blood ooze from the wound, as if he were a chef checking on a roast.
Reginar: "I don't think this one's done yet."
The zombie, for its part, lets out a moan of protest into the ground. "MRRRR..." Slowly, awkwardly, it hauls itself to its feet, its upper body wobbling unsteadily.
Wolfgang: Reacting instantly to the zombie standing up, he swings at an opening in the zombie's 'defenses', such as they are.
Bending awkwardly backward as it rises somewhat like an undead Slinky, the zombie lurches forward as it regains its footing - causing its forehead to collide head-on with Wolfgang's waiting axe. ".....mrrr."
Wolfgang: "Oh, sure... let's just get back up and re-enter the fight. Let's see if you can do that without an arm!" He swings the axe at the creature with a snarl.
Wolfgang's axe slips free of the zombie's forehead...he swings it down, burying it in the zombie's shoulder instead. The zombie doesn't move. ".....mrrr."
Wolfgang: "Blast it all! Why won't you DIE!?!"
Reginar strokes his beard. "Technically they're already dead, laddie."
The zombie gives a weak shrug. "Muh mrrnrr."
Wolfgang: "Don't give me technicalities! HERE!" He thrusts the mirror at Reginar. "I'd rather not look at myself screwing up royally!"
Eleihoff: "Wait! Can I have the mirror?"
Reginar takes the mirror with a chuckle. "If ya say so, laddie."
Reginar tosses the mirror to Eleihoff. "Here ya go, lad."
Eleihoff grins as he catches the mirror, quickly checking his teeth in it.
Credance dashes in and with a quick flick of her whip... er, I mean 'chain', she attempts to pull the zombie's feet out from under it.
The spiked end of the chain catches the zombie by his toe...he does not holler, however, and Credance yanks the chain hard, sweeping the zombie's feet out from under him. He hits the ground with a heavy thud, groaning loudly.
Eleihoff: "All that zombie's hard work has been undone."
Wolfgang: "And STAY down!"
Eleihoff looks at the zombie, hesitating only for a moment before murmuring a short incantation. Shortly afterwards he pokes a finger at the zombie.
A small, smoking bubble of a green acidic substance forms from Eleihoff's fingertip...it wafts gently through the air, bobbing and weaving before hovering over the prone zombie. It wobbles, drifting down, settling on its forehead before *pop*ing gently. Several seconds pass...then, suddenly, the zombie violently explodes in a massive shower of neon green acid, rotten flesh, and zombie bile. Wolfgang and Reginar are close enough to be totally splattered by the foul remnants.
Reginar coughs and splutters for a few moments, then says, "...all right, I think now it's done."
Eleihoff: "Wasn't that fun?"
Wolfgang: "GAH!" Wolfgang tries (but fails) to cover his face in time and ends up spitting bits of disgusting goo. "Ptooie, blargh! I think I'ma gonna be sick..."
Reginar wipes zombie goo off himself with a slightly disgusted look.
Off behind the party, the sage continues to chant, the storm becoming more and more violent around him. "Ooohhhhmmm...ooohhhhmmm...nyuk, nyuk, nyuk..."
Wolfgang wonders if the three stooges created that spell... then realizes that none of his party were involved.
"MRRRR...!" As the last bits of zombie-mush rain down, you can make out more zombies shuffling up the hill. Suddenly, though, they part...a pair of large, burly zombies toting large clubs make their way through the crowd, approaching the Party with obvious malevolence.
Wolfgang points his flail at the approaching zombies. "It's... IT'S... THE POWDER POOF ZOMBIES!"
Reginar: "...the what, laddie?"
Wolfgang: "That one looks like the one that... poofed Gideon! POOF! Do you understand me? POOF!"
Eleihoff: "Wasn't it FOOP?"
Reginar: "Well, time we POOF them, then!"
Wolfgang: "You foop, I've got some poof to take care of." He shakily shoves his helmet forward so it sits low over his eyes.
One of the zombies falls behind...the other, however, lurches forward rapidly. It spies Wolfgang, weapon (and clothes) covered in zombie gore, trying to hide inside his helmet. "MRRRR!" Infuriated, it lunges at him, swinging its greatclub!
...the club misses, however, only grazing Wolfgang's shoulder with one of the sharp nails sticking out of the end.
Wolfgang: "Hey! I don't want a tetanus shot!" He growls at the injury, although his clanking knees give him away for not being so confident.
Reginar: "Time for you to POOF out of here, zombie!" Reginar moves forward and swipes at the zombie attacking Wolfgang.
Reginar lashes out with his dagger, gouging a deep cut in the zombie's thigh. Ichor oozes from the wound, as the special effects technicians scramble to the local grocery store to purchase more fake blood components.
Wolfgang: "Go get 'im, Reginar!"
Wolfgang: He attempts to trip the zombie with his heavy flail, swinging the weapon with vigor.
Sadly, vigor is no substitute for accuracy. The weapon misses by a mile, slamming heavily into the ground near the zombie's feet with a heavy thud.
Reginar: "You'll get him next time, laddie."
Credance does much better, slipping around behind the zombie while Wolfgang humiliates himself. She digs the chain into its back and pulls hard, gouging a large, nasty gash down its back.
Eleihoff begins waving his hands around seemingly randomly as lights begin forming around him, chanting random nonsense.
Lights crackle around Eleihoff, as magical power builds...a bolt of pure magical power flies from his fingers, striking the zombie and exploding in a brilliant burst of energy!
As the smoke clears, it reveals the zombie, completely unharmed, now glowing like a sign on the Vegas strip.
The zombie, for his part, doesn't get it. "...mrr?"
Reginar: "Well, it's certainly... colorful, lad."
Eleihoff: "Yes, it is...isn't it?" Eleihoff grins at his work.
Wolfgang: "...I can't believe this."
The slower zombie, still lagging behind on the hill, shuffles his way up to stand next to his buddy. He looks over as the rainbow-colored ghoul, and blinks once, slowly.
The first zombie looks back at him, and shrugs. He then hauls back with his club, and takes a swing at the nearest target (in this case, Reginar.)
The club whiffs harmlessly over Reginar's head, generating a slight breeze. *whoosh!*
Wolfgang: "...HEY!" He dodges slightly, since the club went through his airspace after whiffing over Reginar.
Reginar: "Apparently glowing like a torch doesn't make you any better at hitting, does it?"
Reginar: "Does make ya easier to see to hit, however!" Reginar swipes at the Dayglo zombie again.
The dagger sinks deep into the zombie's leg, causing a bright flash of color as it stumbles a bit. "MRRR!"
Eleihoff: "I had hoped the colors were a sign of something involving more fire, but this still looks neat."
Reginar: "Aye, it does, lad." Reginar admires the Technicolor handiwork.
Wolfgang: "It looks like a bowl of fruity pebbles!"
Wolfgang performs a complicated sword-twirling technique, whipping the blade around in an attempt to look cool. Unfortunately, as he moves to strike, he fumbles, the blade slipping from his hand. The sword spins beneath the zombie's upraised clubbing arm, and embeds itself in Credance's thigh.
Wolfgang: "GAH! I'm sorry Credance! I'm sorry!"
Wolfgang moves around the zombie and attempts to help Credance, primarily by trying to pull the weapon out and tend to her wound.
The Technicolor zombie takes a swing at Wolfgang as he runs, but misses badly.
Credance recovers quickly from the shock of having her leg gouged by one of her own party members with surprising speed. Her eyes narrow and her countenance darkens like black after a flash of lightening. In the same moment she lashes out at the afflictor with her chain.
Wolfgang feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, as the business end of Credance's chain slices through the air mere inches from his head.
Eleihoff: "That's different. Please stop doing that."
Reginar: "...lassie! Calm down, please!"
Wolfgang: "...I'm SORRY, Credance!"
The sword shudders and shakes...Credance experiences an unholy amount of pain as the blade yanks free of her flesh and flies back through the air, squarely into Wolfgang's hand.
Credance turns her anger towards the zombie, her eyes still burning.
Eleihoff once again begins the bizarre ritual of the random hand waving and the unfathomable gibbering, focusing on the new zombie.
As Eleihoff gestures, a huge fireball erupts from his hands, rolling through the air directly for the zombies...and the rest of the Party, as well. The world seems to go into slow motion, their faces slowly turning to expressions of pure horror, as the projectile slams into the zombie and explodes, a wave of fire engulfing everyone.
Wolfgang stands there, looking burnt and crispy, helmet blown back by the blast. He seems to be wobbling about unsteadily, eyes no longer tracking properly. "...who..." He rasps out, "...human... tindertwig." Cough.
The smoke slowly clears. Both of the zombies are dead...or, rather, incinerated, their bodies blown to smoldering ash.
Credance is also covered in soot, even angrier than before (if such a thing is possible).
Eleihoff: "Well...that...certainly accomplished something!"
Credance stumbles a bit having been made a charred and bloody mess.
Reginar, however, is crumpled on the ground...he is badly burned in several places, blood pouring from open wounds. His hair and beard are on fire. Strangely, his "Grandpa" bag is completely unharmed.
Wolfgang: After several long blinks, Wolfgang moves to Reginar's side, trying to pat out the flames. Finally, he dumps his waterskin over his beard to put them out.
Eleihoff: "Dear, oh, dear. That may have accomplished too much."
Reginar says weakly, "Thanks... laddie."
Wolfgang: "...Credance... ma'am... Reginar's in a bad way..."
"QUIET!" The sage suddenly yells at everyone. "All of you, remain ABSOLUTELY quiet! I'm almost done!"
He stands there, looking out into the storm, not moving at all.
".............................okay, I'm done." He steps down from the altar and dusts his hands together. "Well, that was fun."
Reginar gives off the scent of Eau De Burnt Dwarf in silence.
Wolfgang: "Done? What did you do?"
Credance stumbles over to Reg where she kneels(falls) down next to him.
The storm overhead seems to poof out of existence; the clouds break apart, and the orange light of dusk shines over the graveyard from the setting sun. All of the zombies climbing the hill suddenly stop moving, then fall down like marionettes with their strings cut off.
Credance: "She places both of her hands on his chest and mumbles something incoherent.
Eleihoff: "Hmm. I guess that method causes less collateral damage than fire."
The sage addresses Wolfgang. "Why, I stopped the zombies, boy! See?" He points at the now unmoving zombies.
Wolfgang: "..." He looks down at Reginar, then up at Eleihoff. Grinding his teeth, he looks at Credance, saying, "...I'm sorry, once again. The weapon just... slipped out of my hand. It must've had some zombie goo on the handle or something..."
He looks pleased with himself for several minutes, before noticing the scorched dwarf. "...good LORD, what happened!?"
Eleihoff: "Fire. Lots of it."
Saffron shuffles over to one of the re-deaded zombies, and pokes at it with his foot. "Well, it looks like the spell worked. We shouldn't be having any more zombie problems for a while."
Wolfgang finally rises and picks up his weapon, holstering it, then pacing.
Reginar: As Credence concentrates on her mumbling, a light spreads from her hands to envelop Reginar's body for several moments, causing wounds to close and heal and the blood to stop flowing. Finally, as she pulls her hands away, Reginar sits up. He looks to now be in just as good physical shape as he was before, though his hair, beard, and clothes are still badly singed and he's still smoking slightly.
Credance smiles down at the unfried Dwarf, sways a bit, then promptly passes out on top of him.
Reginar: "Ack! Lassie!" Reginar pats her worriedly.
Wolfgang pauses in his pacing. "...Need help, Reginar?"
Reginar: "I'm fine, but I think it was a bit much for poor Credence."
Wolfgang stoops down and picks up Credance, gently cradling her in his arms.
Credance: "Mmm, jus 5 more minutes....
Wolfgang: He shakes her very slightly. "Credance..."
Credance: "Hum?! Wha?
Credance opens her eyes and stares blearily at Wolfgang for a moment.
Wolfgang: "You passed out. Are you all right?" He asks, obvious concern in his voice. He's still holding her.
Credance: "Ow. no...
Wolfgang: "What do you need?"
Credance hugs her stomach for a moment before the same cool glowy effect that happened to Reg spreads over her.
Credance: "Is, um, is everyone OK?
Eleihoff: "Yeah. I'm fine."
Wolfgang: "...are you ready for me to put you down?"
Reginar: "I'm better now, lassie, thank ya."
Credance looks down and seems to just notice that she's being held. Her cheeks flash a bright pink and she nods haltingly.
Wolfgang: He gently puts her down, and turns back toward Saffron, ignoring his own wounds. "...well, what we need to know is about the portal in Worldstown."
Credance: "Oh! You're hurt!
Reginar stands up and takes stock of his belongings and toasted clothing carefully. He then says, "Lad, Eleihoff... ya might want to be a tad more careful which direction you're throwing the hot stuff in next time."
Eleihoff: "If I must..."
The sage blinks. "...the what now?" He blinks again. "................oh, that. Heh. Yeah, I can tell you all about that." He handwaves. "In the mornin', though, I'm beat." He gestures at Reginar. "You and your pals there did good helping me out...why don't you come back to my place for the night? I've got a guest room, and you folks deserve a hot meal and a good night's sleep after all that."
Credance puts a hand on Wolfgang's back and makes with the flashy flash.
Reginar: "That sounds good to me, sir."
Reginar: "What say the rest of ya, squad?"
Eleihoff: "Sounds great!"
Wolfgang: "I'll take it." When Credance touches him, he twitches, then grins. "Hey, that feels pretty good. Almost like a back massage."
Credance: "Thank you, Sir. May the Gods-um-shower your home with blessings.
Wolfgang shakes his head once again as they turn toward Saffron's house. "...what did I do to deserve this?" It's mumbled, so nobody likely hears it, but still... what DID he do?
Eleihoff walks mostly straight towards the house, absent-mindedly humming a tune, stroking his toad and still supporting the hand mirror in his arm. "I miss the hat, though..." he randomly says quietly.
Reginar follows the party to the sage's house, forlornly stroking what's left of his beard.