Trinsic:Mission of Mercy/Chapter 21

From Dead Pigeons Society

Chapter 21:

We are still in a bar, Reingold having just wandered to the inn for the night. Everyone else is meeting Twilight in person, though.

The barkeep takes the gold piece and slides a very smooth bottle of fine wine in front of Amara.

Amara inhales the rich aroma of the wine before taking a a small sip which she rolls over her lounge.

Loralove continues drinking her own beverage.

Twilight: "Just to get it out of the way, is there anything else you need to know?"

The barkeep wanders down the bar, rubbing it clean with a cloth that manages to look cleaner than the bar. Barely.

Amara glances at the "party" be they as they are...

Ascii guzzles the last of his milk, then nods at Twilight, milk dribbling down his chin. "Well, tell us a little about yourself. Where are you from? Who's this person you're looking for? What's your sign?"

Ascii: "Oh, and are you SURE you're not trying to kill us?"

Amara: "I can't help but get the feeling that I've missed something?

Loralove shakes her head a bit fondly, and says, "Brother, you're dripping."

Twilight: "I'm from the Whispy Forest, if you must know. And I've told you, I'm looking for Bunbury. And that last one... that's a secret."

Ascii: "Eh?" He glances down. "Oh, sorry." He pulls out a blood-stained, slightly feathery hotel towel from his pack and blots his chin dry."

Loralove: "You're from Whispy Forest, too? Whee!"

Amara: "Popular place to grow up..."

Twilight: "I suppose."

Twilight glances in Amara's direction.

Twilight: "I don't think I've introduced myself to you. You may call me Twilight."

Amara looks back.

The barkeep wanders past again, dusting the counters with a feather duster made of pigeon feathers.

Amara looks the elf over from head to toe "hmh, not exactly my cup of tea, but there's no accounting for taste" she mutters.

Amara: "And you can call me "Sir"

Loralove rolls her eyes and giggles.

Twilight: "I could."

Amara: "So tell me, Elf. What's your business?

Twilight: "I'm searching for someone, as I've told your companions."

Amara: "Oh, no kidding? So am I. Do you want to rip your guy's head off and spit down his throat, too?

Twilight: "No. I'm looking for a friend, actually."

Amara: "Eh, too bad. There's nothing like seeing the look on someone's face when you spit down their throat.

A random person randomly wanders by the window.

Loralove gives Amara a very odd look, but continues imbibing her wine.

Amara smiles wistfully.

Twilight: "Everyone has their opinions, I suppose."

The same random person does a double take, and is now peering in the window.

Amara throws a salted peanut at the man.

The peanut hits the window, surprising the man, who was looking at the bartender. He looks annoyed, then leaves.

Amara: "So why do you think they're out here?

Twilight: "I truly don't know."

Twilight stands up.

Twilight: "But I might just go find out."

Amara: "Not got a whole lot of points in Track then, eh?

Ascii bangs on the bar. "Hey, barkeep! What's there to do around here?"

Ascii: "Besides get hammered, that is."

Twilight: "I'm more worried about Astaldlosa than anything else."

The barkeep turns and heads back to Ascii. "Welp, we got the biggest store in all of Lazryzort right here. WarMart... everything you could ever want to buy and more, and usually at the best prices you could get."

Ascii raises an eyebrow. "Shopping? That's it? Don't you even have a Take Ten arcade around here?"

He snorts. "Course not. That's back in Raven's Nest."

Loralove giggles.

Twilight nods to herself and goes to check up on her horse.

Ascii: "Crap."

"Well, there is skiing on Mount Danger, but with all the snow coming down, I don't recommend it."

Ascii: "Well, what the heck, we've got phat lewt to sell... want to go shopping, Lorrie?"

Loralove: "Well, shopping's fun. And you two seem to like pointy things."

Loralove: -Well.

Loralove: "Maybe they'll have some accessories for the Paladin Paul doll..."

Ascii: "Well, sure we do. Who doesn't like pointy things?"

Ascii: "I mean, besides the hemophiliac elf tribes of the Sanguine Forest."

Amara sidles over to Ascii.

Amara: "Dang, not exactly the talkative sort, is she?

Amara: "Where'd you dig that one up, anyway?

Ascii: "Right here, actually."

"I hear they've got a ton of Paladin Paul kits... including the entire collection of action fig... er, I mean, I have no clue." He looks away.

Loralove: "Whee!"

Ascii: "Action figures? Hot dawg!" Ascii hops up from his seat. "C'mon, let's go."

Loralove: "You bet, Brother!" Loralove finishes her wine and hops down out of her chair.

The bartender waves merrily as you leave. Outside, you find Twilight checking her horse.

The wagon is parked in front of the inn, down the ways a bit.

Amara: "Sheesh! Don't you know you should never pick up anyone in a bar for any reason besides casual kjonn?

Ascii: "Do I even want to know what that means?"

Loralove: "... Kjonn?"

Twilight raises one ebon-tinted brow as she looks over her shoulder.

Amara: "Kor...

Amara: "Even you lot aren't that naive.

Ascii raises an eyebrow at Amara. "... yeah, that's what I thought it meant. C'mon, Lorrie." He heads off towards wherever the WarMart is supposed to be.

Loralove shrugs a bit and follows Ascii.

Twilight leads Astaldlosa by the reins after Ascii and Loralove. "Hmm, WarMart."

Aaaah, WarMart. On the nearest hill, you can't miss it. Huge facility, several belching smokestacks smells of bread, leather, coal, molten steel, and roast chicken... this appears to be a Super WarMart. The large building is adorned with blue paint and a huge entrance door. People are filing in and out, but it appears that you have managed to hit a relatively quiet lull. Hundreds of horses and dozens of wagons are parked in front.

Of the building in a huge man-made flat area with artificial white lines thereon. As you enter the building, you see a facility that stretches before you, if possible, larger inside than out. Shelves of every conceivable hardware stretch to the high ceiling. Rows of checkout stations are there, but only two of them are actually in use. A blacksmith shop is to your left, food stuffs to the front, and general goods to your right.

Loralove stares in awe at the giant shopping space. "Wow..."

Amara grows wary as she enters the "Facility"

Twilight ties Astaldlosa up where she can find room and whispers something to the horse before following the group into the WarMart.

Amara: "Guh. I can barely sense the forces of nature inside of this place...

Ascii whistles. "Niiiice. This place almost puts the Bloodbath and Beyond back home to shame."

The old man at the door smiles. "Forces of Nature? You'll want Lawn and Garden on the far right side of the store."

Ascii nods at Amara. "That's understandable. This is a place of pure, untainted artificialness and commercialism."

Amara shudders.

The old man adds with a smile. "Sticker?"

Loralove: "I like stickers..."

Ascii: "No thanks, I don't touch the stuff."

He peels a sticker off the roll. It's a round yellow sticker with a smiley face on it with a dagger in its teeth.

Amara looks at the man as if he were mad and backs away from him.

Loralove grins at the sticker.

"Care for it, Ma'am?"

Loralove: "Yes, please." Loralove takes the sticker and affixes it to the front of her armor.

The man smiles broadly at Amara. "Seriously, lawn and garden is just past health and hygiene on one side and toys on the other."

You wander over to General Goods, Toys, Health and Hygiene, Alchemical Gear, Pharmacy and Sporting Goods.

There appears to be most every kind of gear you could expect that isn't Food or Weapons.

Just past toys and health, you see a door leading out into an area with trees and bushes in pots.

You do see the entire line of Paladin Paul action figures, including the Evil Lair Playset, the Paladin's Righteous Hovel playset, and the Swiftrider doll, Paladin Paul's mount.

Amara darts out and grabs a small fern to carry around with her.

Loralove heads over and starts ogling the action figures.

The fern in question is in excellent condition. It has a price tag indicating it is 2 coppers.

Twilight stands quietly, looking around at all of the goods.

There are strange devices that appear to be for exercise, racks of clothing of various types, costumes, gear, toothpaste and wagon wheels.

Jewelry has a separate counter, next to Housewife's Handy Haversacks.

The Health and Beauty section is right next to the Pharmacy. A sign proclaims "Leeches, only 1cp ea."

Rows of bottles of various colors line shelves.

Amara: "Hmm.

Amara wanders over to the clothes and rummages around.

Every form of clothing conceivable from peasant's garb to royal robes is here, in sizes ranging from Tiny to Huge. A sign proclaims that sizes larger than huge have to be special ordered.

An entire rack has party dresses.

Another has winter coats.

Loralove: "Hey, look, Brother, they got this new Paladin Paul line out now! New spell effects and everything!"

Yet another has formal wear for men.

Ascii: "Ooh, neat!"

Twilight: "... Paladin Paul?"

Amara rummages through the men's wear.

Finery in every style and size is here, ties, silk slacks, coats with tails, white shirts, top hats, you name it.

Loralove: "You never heard of Paladin Paul? Boy, do we have to get you in gear!"

Loralove heads over to Twilight and hands her the Paladin Paul plush doll.

Twilight takes it and looks at it curiously. "... And what purpose does it serve?"

Ascii: "You hug it, and it gives you unconditional love."

Loralove: "And you can fight imaginary battles with it, too." Loralove makes random swordy noises while gesturing in the vague sense of battling.

The box proclaims: "Paladin Paul Action Figure! Have your own adventures, with Paul's Sword of Smiting and Realistic Smite Evil Action. Includes Collectible Statistics Card!"

Twilight: "I see."

Twilight hands the toy back to Loralove.

Loralove stage whispers to Ascii, "Clearly we need to work on her a bit."

Twilight: "I've no interest in toys."

Ascii: "Indeed." He addresses the others. "Anybody have a burning need for some of this stuff, or should we move on to the blacksmith department?"

Loralove: "Well, I guess I can't bring a whole lot of toys with me. Though I might come back after we're done with Merrytowne..." Loralove hugs her own doll and reluctantly moves away from the toys.

Ascii: "Well, Lorrie, if you promise to behave and not get killed on the way, I'll let you pick out one toy. But just one."

Loralove: "Ooh! Whee!"

Loralove: "I promise not to get killed."

Ascii: "What about behaving?"

Loralove: "Er." Loralove looks sheepish.

Twilight murmurs quietly, "I suppose that's one way to keep children in line."

Ascii: "Well... as long as you try your best, go ahead."

Loralove: "Yay!"

Amara pulls out some soft badge leather breeches, a leather vest to match, a fine white wool shirt, some soft green wool socks, and a thick yet very stylish green winter cloak.

The Sporting Goods section also sports an entire Animal Care section, including supplies for dogs, cats, pigs, birds, horses, rhinos, the tarrasque, and even a section on Goblin Taming, Care and Feeding.

Loralove picks out the Swiftrider doll. "Every good Paladin needs a horse to ride!"

Twilight stops and looks to the horses section.

Twilight: "... I suppose I'll be taking a look at these goods after all."

Twilight ambles towards them.

The horse care section contains curry brushes, liniments, oils, fuzzy dice, bows, ribbons, warming blankets, saddle pads, specialty horse feed, and a variety of bridles, bits, blinders and harnesses.

Twilight scours over the items -- the useful ones, at least -- with much interest.

Everything you'd want to care for your horse is here, at prices below what you could get them elsewhere.

In addition, some sets of custom horseshoes are here, with a commanding price tag... one set of horseshoes is listed as "Horseshoes of Speed" and a 2500gp price tag. Another one is labeled "Horseshoes of the Zephyr", and sports a 5250gp price tag.

Another is labeled "Gold Horseshoes". They are listed with a 595gp price tag.

Twilight stops and looks at the gold horseshoes.

Twilight: "Oh, come ON now. That isn't even... logical."

Gold Horseshoes: "For The Horse that Has Everything Else!"

Amara looks for the shoe section.

Amara: "You find shoes from the practical to the whimsical, formal to the casual. Boots of all types.

"Boots of Elvenkind" are here. As are "Boots of the Winterlands". The new Nike "Boots of Striding and Springing" have a special display.

"Boots of Levitation", "Boots of Speed", "Winged Boots", "Boots of Teleportation".

Amara check's out Nick's boots.

Amara: "Huh, didn't think they went in for 2nd hand stuff here...

The Nike brand Boots of Striding and Springing are endorsed by "Airhead Jordan". They have a 5295gp price tag attached.

Amara: "Oh Yug! they still smell!

... like new shoes.

Amara tosses the boots and looks for ones she can afford.

The mundane shoes are all right there lined up.

High heels, running shoes, snow boots, etc.

Formal shoes, casual shoes, flats.

Amara: "*sigh*

Amara locates a clerk to purchase the clothes from then sets off to find the others.

Clothing can be purchased at the front of the store, Amara.

Amara pays bags and resumes the search.

Twilight finishes looking over the horse products and goes to find the group as well.

Over at the blacksmith area, you have rows and rows of armor lined up of all shapes, types, and sizes. The blacksmith is behind a counter, working a fire and pounding on a piece of metal. A section is labeled "Discount and Clearance", where a variety of weapons and armor is labeled. A long glass counter is filled with every type of sword, dagger, club, crossbow, ammo and similar weapon available. Larger weapons are lined up on the

Wall behind it. An attentive clerk is watching this section carefully.

Loralove: "Wow. It's the pointy stuff bonanza!"

Twilight looks at the swords a little boredly.

Ascii blinks. Then...

Ascii: "... HOLY WEAPON-FORGING PELOR'S UNCLE'S COUSIN'S FATHER'S BLACKSMITH IN AN IRON MINE!"

The smithy looks up with a puzzled look on his face. He sets the work aside and approaches, saying, "May I help you?"

Ascii: He then gets distracted by digging through the bargain bin.

Ascii: "Ooh, cheap..."

In the bargain bin, you find several different swords. "+3, must be named Bunbury" on one with a 12000gp price tag. A breastplate labeled "Gives you Chills, +2, 3000gp", and a suit of full plate "Ask Smithy, 4000gp".

Amara walks up as she stuffs something pink into her WarMart bag.

Amara: "Hey, do you offer student discounts?

"No, ma'am. Institutional discounts can be obtained through our Community Outreach department at WarMart HQ."

Twilight: "I don't really think I need a new weapon..."

Loralove: "I already learned how to throw my own dagger like a boomerang... not that I can figure out how I learned how to do it..."

Amara digs through the bargain bin until she is nearly buried in it the pops up with an odd dagger.

Amara: "What's it stir?

Ascii hauls up the plate armor, and addresses the smithy. "Hey... uh, you. This says to ask you about it..."

"That's... one of our more unusual items. It's supposed to be a dagger of spell storing, but the spell you cast into the device has no apparent bearing on what spell comes out when you use it. And, unless you have a spell in it, it is just a mundane masterwork dagger."

Amara: "Hmm.

To Ascii: "I think I made a mistake on that suit of armor... I melted down a shield to make the pants... and... well..." He looks away for a moment.

Ascii: "Well, what?"

"Well... give it here..." He takes the suit of armor and puts on the pants, then backs away a bit. He takes a deep breath, then sings, badly off-key, "YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE!"

Suddenly, a bright light flashes out of the pair of pants, blinding Ascii for 12 seconds. "It can do that up to twice a day, but... come on... blinding pants? Who wants that anyway?"

Amara bursts out laughing.

Loralove giggles. "I dunno, sounds pretty cool to me!"

Amara slaps Ascii on the back "It's as it they were made for you"

Twilight: "Heh."

Ascii claws at his eyes and screams. "MY EYES! THEY BLEED!"

"No, they don't bleed, sir. You're fine. Just blinded for a bit."

Ascii: "GAH!" Ascii stumbles into a display rack of various arms, sending them clattering to the floor on top of him. *CRASH!*

"CLEANUP ON AISLE THREE!"

Ascii flails about under the pile for a bit, then stops moving and sighs dejectedly.

The smithy removes the armor pants. "But, as long as you don't mind flashing everyone in 20 feet of you, and singing a really cheesy song, you get magical armor."

Ascii: "... ow, my pride."

Loralove clucks her tongue and giggles, then attempts to move some of the mess off him.

The stuff is easily removed.

Ascii hauls himself to his feet. "Hmm... actually, that could come in handy. Just out of curiosity, though, is there any way to change the code word?"

Loralove: "What's wrong with classic showtunes?"

He pauses. "You might be able to get the pharmacy department to do it. The wizard over there is kinda funky, but he knows his stuff."

Ascii: "My singing sucks, for one."

Loralove: "So does the singing of most of the actors." Loralove giggles.

Ascii: "Wizard? You have an on-site wizard here?"

"Of course. How else do you enchant armor? I just make the stuff."

Ascii blinks. "Oh. Right. Duh."

Ascii: "Well, okay then, I guess I'll take it."

"You will?" He looks surprised.

Ascii raises an eyebrow. "You know, that sort of response makes me reconsider..."

"Well, I've had it here a while. You're the second person to ask me about it. The first one's buddies beat him up just for considering it."

Twilight: "You just have to find someone eccentric enough to want it, I'm sure."

Ascii blinks, then glances warily at his fellow party members.

Loralove: "It's OK, Brother, we'll just stand far away from you."

Amara: "Don't worry, I'm more likely to beat you up for Not buying it.

"Um, do you need to trade in any existing equipment? I can take any trade-ins here, and write up a voucher."

Amara lazily takes two more daggers and starts juggling them.

Amara: "Nope.

Ascii: "Actually, I do. 'Scuse me while I whip this out..."

Ascii whips out his Immovable Rod. "How about this?"

"An... immovable rod, sir?"

Ascii: "Uh, yeah, actually. How could you tell?"

"The button on the end."

Ascii: "Oh." He tosses it to the smith. "What's the going rate for this?"

"Well, it appears to have a bit of water damage... I can offer 4275 as trade in. Of course, we'll refund the balance in cash if you don't have additional purchases."

Amara: "*sigh*

"Something wrong, ma'am?" He looks at Amara.

Amara ditches the daggers.

Amara: "Oh no, "Fetch'N'Carry" is my middle name.

Amara leaves rather slouchily to retrieve the sw33t 1oot.

BLusk does the Plot Device thing. Amara returns with the sw33t 1oot before the Smithy responds.

Twilight just stands off to the side, her arms folded behind the small of her back.

Amara dumps the crates on the counter. "Orff!"

Amara: "Oh you owe me Big for that.

Ascii: "Remind me to buy you a toy later, then."

Amara curves her mouth into a sly grin "I'll hold you to that"

Ascii: "... under 20gp."

Amara: "Not if you want to keep dents out of your shiny new metal butt.

Amara: "Say, you don't sell earplugs by any chance?

"Yes'm. They're in Sporting Goods. 1 copper per set."

Amara smiles disturbingly as she sets out is search of the plugs.

Ascii: "Uh oh. I've got a baaaaad feeling about this..."

Amara: "*taking the horn, of course*

Loralove shrugs slightly.

He sorts through the box. "These harpoons look sorta like Jacques Cousteau model Harpoon-Master 2000s. Too bad these are fakes. I'll offer you 1000 gp for the lot. You have some masterworks stuff in here."

As he finishes, you hear a loud blast of a horn sounding, muffled, from above you. Half the people in the store hit the deck, while the other half start to head for a room in the back, even while the shelves are still shaking from the terrible noise.

The smithy proclaims, "Tornado siren? NOW? I thought the weekly test wasn't 'til tomorrow!"

Twilight blanches. "Tornado?"

Loralove: "Another tornado? We just had one."

The siren ceases.

Ascii takes his hands off his ears. He takes the armor into possession, then removes his breastplate and hands it to the clerk. "Here, may as well trade this in, I don't need it anymore."

The smithy looks visibly shaken. "That'll add another 1100 gp to your tally, sir."

Amara approaches looking a bit shaken, yet rather pleases.

He writes up a slip. "Just hand this to the clerk at the front." He gathers up all your trade-ins and puts them behind the counter.

You guys nip over to the pharmacy where a bearded Half-Orc is standing behind the counter. "Vat can ve do for yoo tooday?" His nametag proclaims "Krok, Pharmacy Wizard".

Amara: "Say, you wouldn't have any refills for these would you?

Twilight taps her foot impatiently.

"Vor vat, madam?"

Amara leans towards the Half-Orc and pulls back the side of her mouth with a finger, revealing a pointed metal tooth.

Amara: "Theef.

"Ze dental cleric is not on zhift tooday, madam. Try next veek."

Ascii blinks. "Wow, those are some killer teeth, Amara."

Amara: "Er, I don't want it fixed. I just want a potion cap.

Amara: "It works fine, but I ran out of caps months ago and they are not easy to find.

Ascii hefts the armor up onto the counter, and leans in to talk with the wiz. "Psst. Hey, doc, I got this over in the bargain bin. Is there any way you can change the code word for the flashy thingy?"

He looks at Amara. "I haven't ze voggiest clue vat yoo are loooking for, mizz." He then turns to Ascii. "It costs vun hundred gold for ze spell components... but yez, I can. Ze smithy, ee's not zo good viff ze magical ztuff."

Ascii: "So I noticed."

"Zo, yez, I can change ze phraze... vat vould you like eet to be?"

Ascii: "Okay, here you go." He hands some change over, then leans over to whisper into the wizard's ear. "And, it's... *whisper whisper*"

"Ver goot, zir. I vill be bahck zhortly." He disappears into the back. Mumbled chanting is heard. A bright flash, a deep *boom*, smoke pours out of the back room.

He comes stumbling out, armor in hand, coughing and wheezing, hair standing on end, green face now a shade of purple. "Zat zhould doo eet for yoo." He coughs, and hands over the armor.

Ascii: "Okay... you all right?"

"Yez, I vine." He coughs again. "Eez normal vhen dealing viff ze oddities ze blackzmith concoctz, but zees ees all yourz. Perfect."

Ascii: "Hookay..."

Loralove giggles.

You all finish with checkout a pile of gold pieces richer and head to the hotel.

Amara grumbles as they leave the pharmacy "I hate having to order from the catalog, shipping always costs a fortune..."

On arrival, you find the check-in counter of the Dazed Inn, a Division of Goode-Knight, Inc, ready to do business.